To not expect to owe her £110 for ice cream?

[ForTidyShaker]

I have a receipt from her so it is the true cost.

My daughter is 6 and attended a friend’s birthday party. She was ecstatic to be going. It was at a soft play with someone doing princess make over hair and make up (face paint, all very sweet and harmless). Lovely time.

They had food. And then they were suppose to have cake. I’ve actually seen it in Waitrose, it’s a lovely cake but didn’t cost hundreds.

Anyway, the parents stayed. My son, had respite with his carer for the morning and I was meeting the carer in the car park for hand over after the party.

The party was running a bit late, and there was no sign of his carer. I rang and no answer. He’s had him a while so I wasn’t overly worried.

I went for a quick trip to the loo and was literally only 2 minutes max - I came back into the party room and DS was there with his carer looking for me - And he let go of his hand. DS ran straight for the cake and dug his hands in, eating it.

The other mums were giggling, birthday girl crying. My own DD crying. I was mortified and intervened straight away. But the damage was done.

I apologised over and over whilst handing a very upset, confused and overstimulated child. And told DD we have to go. Before leaving, I gave DS to his carer and ran over, telling the birthday girl’s mum I’d cover the cost. She did a weak smile and then said see you soon

DD was beside herself and had a really awful time of it. I paid the price, believe me.

Anyway, the birthday girl’s mum messaged me today with a bill for £109.59!

’Please see attached the receipt for the replacement desserts. Some children had more expensive things so it was quite costly. Sorry. Hope you are okay Anna’

AIBU not to pay almost £110?! The cake was a standard celebration cake I’ve seen before in the shops 😞 Would you just pay?

Thankfully, DD knows her from an activity and not school so no awkward school run trips.

What, it isn't 'okay' to request that you to 'do better' because you find it funny that a disabled child ruined a child's birthday cake? Ableism at its best...

I have been to more children's parties than I can count over the years and I can't think of one that anybody the children would have been bothered by the lack of cake?

Is this a new thing? Does a slice of cake in a napkin not just qget popped into to the going home bags any more?

The mum has taken the piss IMO, she should have said, oh dear, no cake today, never mind and if necessary bought a replacement for the daughter to have at home

She was the CF

You really need to stop. This isn't what is happening!

Do better than charging a mother whose disabled child caused accidental damage.

Make light of the whole thing.* Accidents happen. Give the birthday girl and disabled boy a hug and explain to them both it’s not the end of the world.

That’s how to deal with it.

*Edited as OP doesn’t seem to understand what “laughing off” means.

OP said it was a a bog standard waitrose cake so hardly some top end confectionery masterpiece. It’s ok though it’s a kids party! Which is why I thought the kids wouldn’t have minded a choice from ice creams or something cheaper. It seems like the host thought she’s not paying so anything goes…

This is a ridiculous post

Yes, you could be right actually. There are a few on this thread that just seem to be deliberately provoking in fact. I do find a lot of the attitudes to the disabled child very troubling but you're right that the thread might even be made up in the first place. I'm glad if so.

Fine to buy the best replacements possible at your own expense.

Not ok to bill another parent, who's already having a shit time of it, for them.

That's CF behaviour. The appropriate replacement for a slice of cake is a normal ice-cream cone, maybe with some sprinkles or a flake. Not a £12 sundae (though tbh I'm not sure I've ever seen a child's sundae that cost that much).

Erm... are you talking to me? I'm not the OP! 😅

Horrible situation but I wouldn’t be sending you a bill for any of it. You and your child are not to blame. No one is. It’s just one of those things.

I think, although it is a lot of money, you should pay. Your child did this so it's your responsibility. I understand he's disabled but the responsibility as his parent is still yours.

Personally, I would feel too guilty that the other mum was out of pocket by my child's actions and so I would pay without any quibble.

Me too.

I think you should pay, the mum needed to serve dessert and shouldn’t be out of pocket when it was your son’s fault. I do think there is scope to find out the price of the cheapest dessert and offer X times that though. She is cheeky letting them choose something expensive and then billing you. They didn’t get to choose the expensive option when it was cake they were getting so I don’t get why that option was available after the cake was ruined. She should have picked one dessert (not necessarily the cheapest but not the most expensive either) and given everyone that.

If yo udug bioth hands i na cake it can be absolutely destroyed completely, would you like to eat random bits of cake that may have touched someone's hands?

Totally agree. Poor child.

I agree. And now this is as indiscreet as can be. (Again, if we assume it's real).

Yes. I meant make light of the situation in order that nobody (especially the mother of the child who had done it) thought that I viewed it as a serious situation or felt that they should feel bad about it. I was responding in that way as I felt that some other posters’ responses were especially harsh in terms of their lack of consideration and empathy for the mother of the child who did it and the challenges that she was facing. I also do feel that any small child left unsupervised could accidentally ruin a cake in this way. To me, choosing to take a lighthearted view of it is about consideration for the mother of the child especially, and about modelling to the other children that, while a bit disappointing, this is in no way a serious situation.

Has she had her cake at a party smashed by a strange {Probably older} boy? {Strange as in unknown to her}
You cannot tell how she would react in some hypothetical situation until it actually happens.

She obviously went all out when you said you’d cover the costs, therefore in that case I’d only cover the cost of the cake.

I would do this....cost of standard ice cream or one of the lower cost desserts per child. If she knew she was going to invoice you she shouldn't have allowed any child to get a more expensive dessert, very cheeky.

What sort of soft play centre serves desserts that are (on average) £12.20 each?! I'd expect a few quid for a brownie or ice-cream. I must be out of touch...

Of course I’m talking to you. I’m explaining how this should have been dealt with as you had no idea.

*Edited as OP doesn’t seem to understand what “laughing off” means.

It really does seem like you've got me and the OP mixed up... 🙈

I really think you need to take responsibility.

Your kid literally ruined an entire birthday cake, making birthday kid cry, and obviously nobody could eat it now. So they had to get the venue to supply replacements.

It's not acceptable what your child did, as it inconvenienced someone and spoilt a moment that had taken a lot of effort to organise.

If they can't be trusted around cakes and things that are for sharing then you or carer needs to keep a closer control on them.

You've seen the bill so she's not trying to con you. I'd say pay up I'm afraid. Unless you will literally be unable to pay the mortgage or feed your family if you do. In which case pay what you can?

YANBU.

He’s a child, and the kids would’ve coped without any dessert. But since you offered to pay for replacement then fair enough, but you order each child the standard cheapest vanilla ice cream or whatever it was. The mum is being ridiculous.