To not expect to owe her £110 for ice cream?

[ForTidyShaker]

I have a receipt from her so it is the true cost.

My daughter is 6 and attended a friend’s birthday party. She was ecstatic to be going. It was at a soft play with someone doing princess make over hair and make up (face paint, all very sweet and harmless). Lovely time.

They had food. And then they were suppose to have cake. I’ve actually seen it in Waitrose, it’s a lovely cake but didn’t cost hundreds.

Anyway, the parents stayed. My son, had respite with his carer for the morning and I was meeting the carer in the car park for hand over after the party.

The party was running a bit late, and there was no sign of his carer. I rang and no answer. He’s had him a while so I wasn’t overly worried.

I went for a quick trip to the loo and was literally only 2 minutes max - I came back into the party room and DS was there with his carer looking for me - And he let go of his hand. DS ran straight for the cake and dug his hands in, eating it.

The other mums were giggling, birthday girl crying. My own DD crying. I was mortified and intervened straight away. But the damage was done.

I apologised over and over whilst handing a very upset, confused and overstimulated child. And told DD we have to go. Before leaving, I gave DS to his carer and ran over, telling the birthday girl’s mum I’d cover the cost. She did a weak smile and then said see you soon

DD was beside herself and had a really awful time of it. I paid the price, believe me.

Anyway, the birthday girl’s mum messaged me today with a bill for £109.59!

’Please see attached the receipt for the replacement desserts. Some children had more expensive things so it was quite costly. Sorry. Hope you are okay Anna’

AIBU not to pay almost £110?! The cake was a standard celebration cake I’ve seen before in the shops 😞 Would you just pay?

Thankfully, DD knows her from an activity and not school so no awkward school run trips.

I think you should pay unless you think the carer was negligent
A replacement for the cake was needed, totally unfair for all the kids to go without. The only replacement at the time were the ice creams/desserts you know were paid for.
Its expensive it why should the host pay?

Kids were upset because the cake was ruined. Hardly a ground breaking observation.

I think it’s only fair that you did pay for all the deserts. Whether the mum paid £10 or £100 for a cake she had paid that because that’s what she wanted to spend on a cake. Your son completely ruined a cake and party so the mum then had to spend more money on a dessert for the children. You didn’t go grab a replacement cake because it didn’t work for you but maybe the mum sent you the bill because having an extra cost for the desserts didn’t work for her. Why should she have to pay out more money because someone else trashed something?

Because that’s when the carer finished.

Then should she have thrown in a soda for everyone too? Maybe a gift to stop everyone being upset? A steak dinner? Don’t be daft.

Again: salvaging cake disappointment, fine; charging guest - disgraceful.

Asking for money with sympathy makes it in no way less socially inept. If anything it makes it worse.

It would be the same if it was my child's cake. My dc's don't give a shiny shit about birthday cake! They'd be too busy having a great time with their friends.

Well that's awesome, but not all children are going to feel the same

She didn’t offer to pay for the children to offer whatever they wanted on the menu at all.

Assuming this story is real and not one of those fast-moving MN ragebait threads, then the little girl is the one I feel most sorry for. She's the glass sibling who probably has dealt with a lot already and was excited about a birthday party with her friends. That results in a disaster caused by her mum and brother that will probably have a significant impact on her friendships with the other girls. The right thing would be settle the situation as discreetly as possible and ensure the daughter doesn't become a social outcast.

I'm convinced now that some posters are on a wind up. No one can be this precious about a shop bought cake surely?? 🤣

This and you offered OP. A little girl had her birthday cake ruined.

These things happen at children’s parties. They happen at adult events too.

Demanding money from a guest makes no difference to the child’s experience.

Honestly, mumsnet is sometimes another world!
Do you think any parent wants their child in tears on their birthday party? Or having to suddenly pay a lot for deserts on top of party, party bags? Do you think those parents would invite OPs child to their party any time soon? I can tell you, it would be a no here. Sorry DC, we can’t invite X. Some will say because of what happened at this party, some will say there just isn’t enough spots etc. Be realistic

I don't think the other mum has been very nice about it BUT you did offer to 'cover the cost'.
You didn't replace the cake or provide an alternative dessert so you were assuming the mum would provide an alternative.
You could take off the original cost of the cake though. I'm not sure what a Waitrose cake costs, £20 for a basic one? £40 something for a personalised one? So maybe give the mum £75.

I think those children and parents probably need counselling too..

I'd just pay it.

I’d pay the lot. It’s the right thing to do.

Sorry no. She had to get replacement desserts instead and they were expensive so it’s only fair. You have to pay

Right. This precious, this gauche and this money grabbing.

It is sad but also true. I never take my SEN child to my other child's parties for this very reason. It is tough having a disabled child but made all the tougher if incidents like this happen. As a parent I would have been mortified and taken full responsibility. If I was host I would have been very annoyed that this was able to happen but I wouldn't have changed the parent (although I don't think she was wrong to do so seeing as the parent did offer). I do think the OP is wrong to suggest that the host might be unreasonable. We as parents are always all responsible for covering the cost of damage to anything- whether that's destroying someone's sofa, breaking another kid's toy, or destroying their birthday cake. The cost of replacement cost more than the original which is a shame, but obviously unavoidable in this situation.

Your son destroyed the cake, which was presumably the dessert. So she had to purchase an alternative - I imagine she had very few options given the circumstances. Why should she be left with the bill, it certainly wasn't her fault.
So of course you should pay.

Have many missed the part in the OP's post which indicates that her son is disabled?

This isn't some mischievous naughty child - this is a child with a disability who didn't do this on purpose.

Things happen in life in the spare of the moment which can't be foreseen or controlled.

Give the OP a break here.

I'd be telling the birthday girl to have some sympathy - yes I know she was 6 - I'd make it up to her later.

What did you expect the mum to do? It was a crisis situation for her- a party gone very very wrong & not her fault. Your family member was responsible for the extra cost.

Lesson learned for you. I appreciate child ND, AND had carer. Keep child out of birthdays where this can happen. I speak from experience of ND child who would have done something similar. My ND child cost me so much of the years replacing broken things. It’s part of the journey.

The mother had a party full of kids and an upset birthday child. She couldn't dash off to Waitrose to buy a replacement cake. You offered to pay for the replacement. The only replacement she had access to at the time it was needed was from the softplay menu. With hindsight, maybe you should have gone to Waitrose and come back with the replacement cake. I can see how soft play ice creams cost £100 as the mark up was so high.
I probably wouldn't have sent you the full bill. But I don't think she's being U given the situation and you saying you would pay for the replacement.