To not expect to owe her £110 for ice cream?

[ForTidyShaker]

I have a receipt from her so it is the true cost.

My daughter is 6 and attended a friend’s birthday party. She was ecstatic to be going. It was at a soft play with someone doing princess make over hair and make up (face paint, all very sweet and harmless). Lovely time.

They had food. And then they were suppose to have cake. I’ve actually seen it in Waitrose, it’s a lovely cake but didn’t cost hundreds.

Anyway, the parents stayed. My son, had respite with his carer for the morning and I was meeting the carer in the car park for hand over after the party.

The party was running a bit late, and there was no sign of his carer. I rang and no answer. He’s had him a while so I wasn’t overly worried.

I went for a quick trip to the loo and was literally only 2 minutes max - I came back into the party room and DS was there with his carer looking for me - And he let go of his hand. DS ran straight for the cake and dug his hands in, eating it.

The other mums were giggling, birthday girl crying. My own DD crying. I was mortified and intervened straight away. But the damage was done.

I apologised over and over whilst handing a very upset, confused and overstimulated child. And told DD we have to go. Before leaving, I gave DS to his carer and ran over, telling the birthday girl’s mum I’d cover the cost. She did a weak smile and then said see you soon

DD was beside herself and had a really awful time of it. I paid the price, believe me.

Anyway, the birthday girl’s mum messaged me today with a bill for £109.59!

’Please see attached the receipt for the replacement desserts. Some children had more expensive things so it was quite costly. Sorry. Hope you are okay Anna’

AIBU not to pay almost £110?! The cake was a standard celebration cake I’ve seen before in the shops 😞 Would you just pay?

Thankfully, DD knows her from an activity and not school so no awkward school run trips.

@ForTidyShakerIt was a really humiliating experience for DD

I beg your pardon? It was your son who created this experience (I understand he couldn’t help it if he has severe SEN but as I said above, that’s on the carer imo)
However it certainly is not the other mother’s fault that this happened so moaning about how humiliating this was for your DD is bang out of order. It’s not her fault!

Some awful posts on this thread, really vindictive. "Your daughter won't get invited to many parties now" really?
"You can't control your son"

Is this what you say to a mum of a clearly disabled / SEN child who's just trying to get through the day?
OP it was a shit situation and it's over now, be kind to yourself and your two DC. None of this was their fault or yours.

OP half the posters on here are being dramatic and precious about the cake. Accidents happen. Yes your carer could have stopped your ds, but it’s an accident. A thousand other accidents could have happened too. By mistake. You apologised. It’s not a big deal. I think it’s so cheeky to bill you £110 !!!!! Nothing will make me decide otherwise.

Difficult one, but she mentioned the cost of replacement cakes (presumably sourced at short notice locally as the party was already in swing). I can see both sides. Maybe offer to pay half?

I would pay it. By ruining the cake, you’ve presumably necessitated the mum having to buy desserts instead so yes, you are responsible for paying.

Has this party mum no compassion!!?
My god this is a child with a severe disability. She could see you were upset and your daughter humiliated, it is unkind of her to send you this bill! She could obviously see how awful the whole thing was. I would have swallowed that cost no question.
Pay for it, if your finances allow - to make your life easy. If your finances don’t allow, pay a contribution (£40 for the cake for example) and don’t feel in any way bad about it. It was an accident.
These things happen and clearly you have enough to deal with.

But they originally weren’t going to be given an option- just a slice of supermarket cake.

the desert they got was probably a lot nicer than the cake. And bigger.

I absolutely agree that OP was right to pay for the ice cream. But they birthday mum should have controlled the spending by saying they got the cheapest ice cream. Most kids would understand that but it’s done now and OP has paid the bill - which was the only option presented to her and the right thing to do.

He wouldn’t give a shit if his cake was destroyed before he’d had chance to have a slice? Really?

So unkind. Do you have a disabled child and understand how difficult this must be for their sibling?
I don't, but I can empathise with the OP and her daughter who is a small child, FFS.

I think you should just pay x

I don’t understand why you were still at the party and going off to the toilet when you were supposed to be meeting the carer in the car park to collect your ds?
he shouldn’t have had to come in to look for you, you should have left the party on time

I think you should pay, the situation is unfortunate, but your child ruined her child’s birthday cake which probably also upset her child in the process. The cake was dessert for the party. She then bought replacement desserts as presumably she didn’t have time to get another cake and you didn’t offer to get one either. You should pay as it’s not right that she’s out of pocket for your child’s actions.

Erm, read the thread she has paid!

yes and that cake was destroyed, so she will likely now buy another one- not her fault.

Wasn’t the party running over?

This, you need to pay for the replacement desserts. Sucks, but that is the cost of putting right the accident.

The cake was to eat at the party for desert, not to put in party bags. The mum bought deserts to replace the cake that now couldn't be eaten

Yes, they were. The birthday cake was the pudding.

They got alternate puddings because the OP's child stuck his hands in the original and ruined it for everyone!

Whether the cake was supposed to go in party bags or be eaten sat at tables is totally irrelevant.

It is a rubbish situation and I do feel for you OP, but I also don't think the party Mum was in anyway out of order so, if you can afford it, you can cough up, especially as you did offer to cover it.

I think you should pay. I wouldn’t have asked you if I was her; it was an accident and clearly crap for everyone involved. However I think seeing as she has asked you and shown you the bill, you should pay. Maybe she can’t afford £110?? If I was on a tight budget and this had happened I’d be really annoyed this had happened tbh at my child’s party especially if I’d put lots of effort in. I think it’s a bit poor from you to see it as unreasonable and just an unintended accident and therefore no matter.

Mine would be disappointed. But probably find it funny. There wouldn’t be tears there wouldn’t be tantrums by adults or children.
id have done one of three things

mooshed it together, stuck a candle in and sing happy birthday

send dh or a mum out to get a cheap traybake from the nearest shop.

or gone and asked the restaurant for the cheapest ice cream they had and try and do a deal for a tiny ice cream each

I have 2 disabled sons, one I'm carer for. In their 40s now,so I have had years of experience! Youngest got into situations, once having a meltdown in the little village store where we lived,he didn't like the way he was spoken to by an assistant,threw a glass bottle of drink on the drink on the floor. They were going to call the police. They had him in the office, when he rang me in a panic,I'm trying to calm him down and explain and Pacifiy the manager , the call was on speaker,on a tannoy! Everyone in the store could hear. He never had a carer,apart from me. I make the family cakes,so they cost me a fortune,as I don't have trade prices,if this had happened to one of my cakes, I would be bawling my eyes out.i can feel the eye rolls, "it was only a Waitrose cake". With disability,life is a big planning event. The carer should shoulder some responsibility, I would pay the whole amount,cake and whatever replacements, without question. I can imagine the scenario on another post,"Would you eat a cake, someone had even put a finger in", of course not!

Because there was no other alternative in the venue obviously.

Your daughter would have been at the party, if she requires fulltime care who was caring for her while you were on the loo, sorry if I have missed that she had to go with you.

Carer didn't leave immediately. OP stated she handed her son back to him to go apologise and offer to pay.