To not expect to owe her £110 for ice cream?

[ForTidyShaker]

I have a receipt from her so it is the true cost.

My daughter is 6 and attended a friend’s birthday party. She was ecstatic to be going. It was at a soft play with someone doing princess make over hair and make up (face paint, all very sweet and harmless). Lovely time.

They had food. And then they were suppose to have cake. I’ve actually seen it in Waitrose, it’s a lovely cake but didn’t cost hundreds.

Anyway, the parents stayed. My son, had respite with his carer for the morning and I was meeting the carer in the car park for hand over after the party.

The party was running a bit late, and there was no sign of his carer. I rang and no answer. He’s had him a while so I wasn’t overly worried.

I went for a quick trip to the loo and was literally only 2 minutes max - I came back into the party room and DS was there with his carer looking for me - And he let go of his hand. DS ran straight for the cake and dug his hands in, eating it.

The other mums were giggling, birthday girl crying. My own DD crying. I was mortified and intervened straight away. But the damage was done.

I apologised over and over whilst handing a very upset, confused and overstimulated child. And told DD we have to go. Before leaving, I gave DS to his carer and ran over, telling the birthday girl’s mum I’d cover the cost. She did a weak smile and then said see you soon

DD was beside herself and had a really awful time of it. I paid the price, believe me.

Anyway, the birthday girl’s mum messaged me today with a bill for £109.59!

’Please see attached the receipt for the replacement desserts. Some children had more expensive things so it was quite costly. Sorry. Hope you are okay Anna’

AIBU not to pay almost £110?! The cake was a standard celebration cake I’ve seen before in the shops 😞 Would you just pay?

Thankfully, DD knows her from an activity and not school so no awkward school run trips.

She doesn't need a replacement cake big enough to feed 10+ kids that have now gone home. The party is over. If I were the birthday girl's mum I'd have got her a little cake to have with the family later, but it would be a cold day in hell before I'd bill the OP for that.

No, because then mum will go buy her child a birthday cake so she can still have that on her birthday, blow her candles out etc.

Because the children at her party got puddings.

You should pay this is the total cost of your child's damage. The mum wouldn't have had to buy the other desserts if it wasn't for your son and it's not fair for her to be out of pocket

You said you would cover the cost so I think you should pay. She couldn't go out in the middle of the party to get a replacement cake from a shop so had no option other than purchasing desserts from the soft play.

Your son ruined the cake. The hostess had to purchase desserts for the guests to replace the cake. The birthday child had her party ruined. You offered to compensate for your child’s actions. This could impact on any further party invitations for your daughter. I would pay up and apologise even if you don’t agree with the invoice.

Just pay it. It’s the right thing to do.

She spent £30 on her contribution - which was destroyed by a random child who wasn't even supposed to be there.

Why should she be responsible for spending even more money on a replacement cake?

My son wouldn’t give a shit if his cake was destroyed by a child with SEN. I’d get him a little treat on his way home. Maybe because he’s not spoilt.

Birthday mum should have either charged for the replacement cake or the replacement desserts, not both if that's what's happened. Something about having your cake and eating it too

How was the OP physically meant to sort the situation with a child she couldn't even let go of and another one bawling their head off? Tie them up and gag them?

Frankly we are fucked if the kids were traumatised because of a destroyed cake.

seriously. All these “what about compo for the upset” type messages. The only upset children would get would be from parents reactions not from missing out on a bit of cake.

if we are truly talking about compo culture the mum had a duty of care to protect that cake from incident. She failed in that

So what? The puddings were bought because there was no cake available at the last minute and the mum had to scramble to sort out a dessert for everyone.

She shouldn't have to pay for that, it's not her fault or her responsibility.

That’s tough OP and I get why you’re upset about the unexpected extra cost.

Whilst it was a shitty situation for you both, you need to think longer term here.

Your DD is only 6yrs old and you obviously want her to be invited to other playdates and parties and if you’d been even a tiny bit awkward with the birthday mum, word will get around that you can’t be trusted to deal with the matter effectively.

DS has mild SEN and had a friend who had a brother with severe SEN who was fairly out of control around other children when he was a toddler up until about 8yrs old. Sadly, some people wouldn’t invite the non SEN brother to parties or playdates because his mum often brought along the younger SEN brother and inevitably something or someone would get broken/hurt.

The brother is an older teen now and still has to supervise his younger brother when they’re out together. It’s sad because he knows other adults and kids will be judging him too.

I disagree. Her child's cake was ruined so on the spot she did was she could to rectify it (buy alternative desserts from the venue) and she shouldn't be left out of pocket for something that was entirely not her fault!
If I was OP I'd suck this one up completely

She already paid for the cake.

A child isn't "spoilt" to want a birthday cake on their birthday, ffs.

Would you want to eat cake someone had shoved their hands in and started eating?

@biscuitsandbooks

Puddings were never part of the party. They only got them because they had unlimited OP’s money to spend and wanted to take advantage of that. The party had actually ended and overran at that point and it was time to go home. The cake was for putting on party bags.

She already did - by sourcing and buying a cake that was then ruined.

What the hell is a duty of care to cake? Cake always sits out at the parties I’ve been to, absolutely fine.

OP caused this indirectly by leaving the agreed meeting point, tbh.

FatherFrosty · Today 10:27

What a cunt.
presumably he didn’t destroy the entire cake? Come could have been salvaged. It wasn’t malicious. If she chose to buy more that’s on her. I’m pretty sure someone could have nipped to a supermarket and bought a traybake cake for a tenner

Bit extreme! I think the birthday mum handled the situation pretty graciously.
OP, honestly, I’d pay for the ice creams.

Absolutely agree.

I’m so sorry this happened to you OP - that must’ve been incredibly stressful for you and your children. And no one’s fault just something that happens when you’re trying to meet everyone’s needs, especially when you have a little one with complex needs. Tbh, I’m not sure what I’d do - but I just wanted to recognise that you were in a really tough situation with a lot of stress on you and you definitely don’t need to justify going to the toilet!!!! I hope your DD and DS was ok and you were too.