To not expect to owe her £110 for ice cream?

[ForTidyShaker]

I have a receipt from her so it is the true cost.

My daughter is 6 and attended a friend’s birthday party. She was ecstatic to be going. It was at a soft play with someone doing princess make over hair and make up (face paint, all very sweet and harmless). Lovely time.

They had food. And then they were suppose to have cake. I’ve actually seen it in Waitrose, it’s a lovely cake but didn’t cost hundreds.

Anyway, the parents stayed. My son, had respite with his carer for the morning and I was meeting the carer in the car park for hand over after the party.

The party was running a bit late, and there was no sign of his carer. I rang and no answer. He’s had him a while so I wasn’t overly worried.

I went for a quick trip to the loo and was literally only 2 minutes max - I came back into the party room and DS was there with his carer looking for me - And he let go of his hand. DS ran straight for the cake and dug his hands in, eating it.

The other mums were giggling, birthday girl crying. My own DD crying. I was mortified and intervened straight away. But the damage was done.

I apologised over and over whilst handing a very upset, confused and overstimulated child. And told DD we have to go. Before leaving, I gave DS to his carer and ran over, telling the birthday girl’s mum I’d cover the cost. She did a weak smile and then said see you soon

DD was beside herself and had a really awful time of it. I paid the price, believe me.

Anyway, the birthday girl’s mum messaged me today with a bill for £109.59!

’Please see attached the receipt for the replacement desserts. Some children had more expensive things so it was quite costly. Sorry. Hope you are okay Anna’

AIBU not to pay almost £110?! The cake was a standard celebration cake I’ve seen before in the shops 😞 Would you just pay?

Thankfully, DD knows her from an activity and not school so no awkward school run trips.

That is wild. Surely they could get loads of cake from round the edges. She is a cheeky fucker. It was just an accident.

Bloody hell! It’s absurd that she let the kids spend £12 each on deserts. At a soft play centre FFS!

Are you sure she didn’t send you the bill for the whole thing by mistake?

You did the right thing by offering to cover the cost of the cake, and I can see how she needed to do something else in the moment as she wouldn’t have been able to get another cake, but it should have been the cheapest reasonable alternative.

She has absolutely taken the mickey, and I think she has done it out of spite.

I would expect to pay for all of that if my child has spoiled the party. Plus a bottle of wine for the mum

Why would the replacement cake never be bought?

If I'd spent £30 on a cake for my child and another random kid ruined it, I would absolutely expect the responsible parent to buy a replacement. Why should my child be expected to go without their birthday cake as a result of another child's behaviour?

At the same time we dont know what’s going on with party mum, she might have money issues - she could be totally screwed for weeks by spending £100 on puddings. I’ve been in that position despite being a high earner and stuff cash flow in birthday months can be dire.

as others have said, don’t quibble. The fall out will be horrible for you and your DD. Also don’t take on the suggestion of Charging the carer being paid minimum wage 🙄

She has.

There was no need to buy desserts though. Everyone saw the cake trashed and why there wouldn’t be any.
A couple of sweets would have been fine not £110 quids worth.

Dessert should have been bought for the birthday girl, not all of the kids. They’ve taken advantage of you.

I agree it's unfortunate that she let them order what they wanted.

Of course her daughter might have wanted something a bit pricey & the others followed suit.

Absolutely this!!!

The birthday girl doesn’t have to not have a cake because another child spoilt the original. The replacement desserts smooth over the party, I’d then be getting a replacement cake on the way home so my child still gets a cake on her birthday.

Shit happens. The adults at the party have to make the best of it.

There's no use telling the birthday child she "deserves" a cake if actually no cake is available. Instead you make it as good as it can be with what you have.

In this case, the fanciest dessert available for birthday girl with some candles in it, and normal ice cream for everyone else.

Where was party mum supposed to get a replacement cake from in that moment? What use would a replacement cake be after the party?

I agree. It isn't about the cost of the cake - it is about the cost of REPLACING the cake at the last minute so that a child's birthday party isn't ruined.

I sympathise. It's a horrible situation all round.

I know taking both kids wasn't an option but was there anyone - friends or family - who could have grabbed you a cake and dropped it in? I realise this may not have been logistically feasible though.

In the absence of you being able to replace the cake pretty much immediately, I'm afraid you didn't really have much choice. You had to pay for the dessert. Yes birthday party mum probably should have limited the kids to the cheapest option but she didn't so you just have to suck it up.

Sorry you all had such a shit experience though.

YABU
You offered to cover the costs which would to my mind mean replacement desserts for the destroyed birthday cake. She sent you a receipt, so you know she is only asking for the out of pocket costs your child caused. This is one of the extra costs of having a disabled child, and what their DLA should help towards covering.

So birthday Mum doesn’t pay anything towards party deserts at all?

I’d be changing ‘carer’ for your son, frankly. This was his fault.

Rubbish. One child gets ice cream and the others all watch her eat it? Absolutely not.

But a cake is available, after the party :)

This isn’t a “shit happens” situation, everybody else, including the actual birthday girl, doesn’t HAVE to just accept what they are given because another child spoilt things.

Well, if your point is that the birthday girl needs both ice cream and a cake for herself later, then I get your stance but I firmly disagree.

THAT would bring it into the massively precious, imo.

Sometimes it’s not about what works for you. It’s about fixing the havoc your kids have caused. You shouldn’t have just left. Other parents were there, you could have asked anyone if they could run to the supermarket and buy a cake while handing over the money. You could have asked anyone of the other parents to watch your child while you took your son away and bought a cake.

You did what suited you; leaving. And it left the host and all the kids in a difficult situation. It’s really difficult to turn to all the kids who have seen the cake sitting and say “sorry, no pudding.” And it’s realty shitty for the birthday girl. And it’s all made worse because you just walked off. There were other solutions.

It’s a shitty thing that happened and actually, I’d be really angry with the carer. But if you knew his finishing time, then why were you inside the building waiting and then in the toilets? You should have been waiting in the car park already so again it comes down to what you wanted, which was to wait inside and put other people into a difficult situation.

I’m glad you’ve paid because you left them in the lurch and the host was probably flustered and just had to solve it quickly. Next time, when something awful happens, ignore the embarrassment, grab your son and just take a minute to breathe and think before you answer anyone else. Come up with a solution and help.

This. The parents should have managed their kids' expectations and paid for something reasonable for them.

They knew someone would be footing the bill - either party mum or OP.

Bad form to let their kids have free reign on the menu.

She had been happy to pay a certain amount (the cost of the cake) for the children's dessert so there’s no reason why she should be refunded that. She should just be refunded the extra cost that she incurred (the cost of the individual desserts).

No hold on. They get to order what they want. Not what you want.

Sorry, I think you should pay.

The situation might be slightly different if the invite had been for DS but he was an extra sibling and buying new desserts for all the children was expensive. Also having her cake ruined would have upset the birthday girl a lot.

I don't think it's a fair expectation to just be able to forkout £110 after you've just paid for your child's birthday, because another child destroyed the cake.