Content Warning (concerns S.A.) Added by MNHQ - To have expected more from school safeguarding

[123dontcomeatme]

I honestly feel like I'm in an alternative universe at the moment.

My daughter is in her last year of a levels. She has been raped and experienced other sexual assults and cohersive control. This has been taken to the police, its taken about 6 weeks but she's done the interview, has an ivsa, therapy in place.

During this time her school attendance has been sporadic. I think that is understandable. The police, ivsa and therapy all talk about this being a hard time and doing what she feels comfortable doing etc.
The school are getting shirty.
Ive kept in communication with the school, the ivsa has spoken to them too.

Despite this, I had a call from safeguarding last night, pushing for my daughter to do her mocks. I said she had been doing well but the arrest too place on Wednesday and we have both had harassment from the family since, which has been reported and is being dealt with and how that's been very difficult, I couldn't work on Wednesday, my emotions were too huge, let alone my daughter.

The safeguarding lead then said, ' well hopefully she will bounce back quicker this time, that's the issue with children now, they need to build more resilience.

I am just dumbstruck.

I replied that this was a very serious matter and that if she was working it would be likely she would be off sick and she just gave me a patronising ' hmmm'

This isnt ok, is it.
I dont have any fight left in me now, but this isn't ok. Why do schools expect children to be like robots.

Make sure you read the Complaints policy and they stick to timelines. Usually it’s expressed as working days, not weeks. Each section is different: acknowledgment, investigation, response, panel hearing and response have stated timelines. Don’t let it drag on.

Are you at stage 1, 2 or 3 regarding the complaint?

Your daughter is lucky to have a mother like you who advocates for her. Keep going mama bear!

The lady I spoke to is going to summarise everything, she will send it to me for approval within 48hrs.

I don't remember what stage that is?
But yes, they said 30 working days, I just summarised as 6 weeks.

@123dontcomeatmeYou need to understand the official complaints procedure. Many schools use this format: Is this a stage 1 complaint - a response to your initial complaint by a senior member of staff? Stage 2 - a complaint to the Head because the stage 1 outcome is unsatisfactory? Stage 3 - complaint to governors panel because the Head’s response is unsatisfactory? What do you think it is?

I would suggest it’s important you read their published complaints procedure or it will not be logged as a complaint at all. Ofsted monitor complaints so it’s important it’s logged. Have you signed any complaints form? Most schools use them to create a paper trail.

6 weeks for stage 1 (or any stage) is way too long. That’s after Easter! Obviously if you are happy then don’t check, but I would want them to follow the procedure because it’s important.

Oh, it's stage 2. Its a formal complaint. Its gone straight to that, informal isn't appropriate given the circumstances

How are you getting now?

I am a physics teachers - if you are interested you can DM me and I’ll give you my school email address and I would be happy to do some (free) tutoring for you daughter to help prepare her for her exams. That is if that is what she wants to do.

Hi 123dontcomeatme, how are you doing? I hope the exams are over and both you and DD are under a lot less stress. The school's attitude in this whole sorry saga is appalling - no other word for it! I hope some serious questions are asked at Board of Govenours (or your equivalent) after this.
You have both been soooo strong and I wish you a peaceful, rested summer.
DD will be an asset to her career, the strength of character she has shown is amazing; and you set a good example of standing by your convictions. Go Mumma!

Hi.
Thanks for the messages. Last exam was yesterday. Unbelievable that she sat them at all really. She's in a much better place, down to her own hard work, acceptable of help offered and growth from that.

Police work all still ongoing. That became quite messy but they are dealing with it.

The school formal complaint response was a joke. Partially upheld because the safeguarding lead denied saying what she said. I do not lie, dd heard the call and why would I make that up and cause myself more stress. But, no proof. Also because they believe the individual teachers were acting in line with the info they had, which was none. But they said they have taken learnings.

they said since i was in contact with tnem that they didn't need to do anything ( or eben respond most of the time) i argue that support should not be driven by those in crisis and that if an outside agency, that runs alongside the Police tells us their safeguarding team are inept that this should be concerning to them.
The sign off was they are sorry I felt the school did not uphold it's own values. Standard sign off that it highly offensive in this case.

Escalated to the board. Have said their ineffective and inefficient safeguarding team has caused harm. Hearing is in a few weeks. Dd is going to come. Don't really know what I need to do in terms of prep.

Dd is done with that school now but this is for all the other victims. Dd won't be the only one.

I’m so sorry. I’ve been through this battle and it feels all uphill. I got a guilty verdict in court and most of the people who dropped the ball, emotionally/socially/physically supported & prioritised the feelings of my rapist just sort of held their hat in hand without real apology. The victim is never the one being protected it seems.

I’m so glad your daughter has you advocating for her and I guarantee it’s given her an endless amount of strength to get through this time.

The injustice of everything is too heavy sometimes, it sucks all the oxygen out the room and the pain and grief feels endless. But it gets better, it gets easier to carry. Holding the systems to account definitely help! The way they handle things is appalling and you’re absolutely right, it does so much more harm.

I had been thinking of your case and wondered how your daughter got on so thank you for the update. She is a remarkable young woman to have got through her exams. One thing that might be worth doing (I seem to recall she has an apprenticeship offer) is to see if perhaps her ivsa or someone else involved whom she trusts might contact the firm she hopes to work for to explain she has been the victim of a major crime ands see if they would offer some wriggle room in her grades? If I were the employer I'd want someone on board who has shown so much resilience in the face of such adversity - qualities that are far more important in the world of work than academics...

She will get exceptional circumstances in her grades. That's being applied for. Of course i had to sort that, the school didn't offer it.

Dd says she doesn't recognise herself from the beginning of the year. Not in a bad way. She's been through absolute hell but is still standing.

We go away on a little holiday on Monday, she deserves a total break.

This is a few days after we get back. Another line in the sand and movement forward on her terms with her voice heard and head held high.

You both sound incredibly strong and amazing people. Whilst this experience will inevitably leave it's mark on you both, it sounds like neither of you will let it define you. I wish you both well as you go through this process and look forward to when you can put it behind you. X

Please give your DD and yourself a big hug from me. Words fail me regarding the extra amount of stress that you have both had to endure from this inept school at such an awful time.

Sending love and best wishes

I'm having support myself and when the lady says the above to me, I remind her that strength and resilience comes hard won. Its not a natural thing and I've had a lot of bad things.
But, dd i hope has been able to use some of mine and I have been able to guide and shield hopefully. Once I found my feet a bit.

Really I'd like to have just crumpled and I'm sure dd felt like that too but that's not really a choice. You have to fight for yourself, don't you.

Lots of line in the sand moments too which all helps put a bit of space in between what happened and now and that helps mentally too I think.

Thank you all.
I might come back and update after the hearing, I'll try to remember

Shame on that school. Your daughter is lucky to have you on your side.

Just to flag that special consideration is not very much - DD got it when she spent one of her A level papers lying on the floor in agony (spinal fracture) and it didn't even bump her marks up to the next grade boundary (her other papers were Bs and this one was an E). SO I really would ask someone to speak to the apprenticeship now in case her grades have dropped a bit as it is usually easier to ask them to consider dropped grades before rather than after results day.

I’m so sorry you had to go through this, I was following your thread previously. The school’s response is inhumane. It’s scary that so many of them responded that way too, rather than just one bad egg. And regardless of their processes or the information the teachers were in receipt of or anything else, just common decency should have guided their responses. You and your daughter both sound like survivors, but I’m sorry you had to be.

Ok.
Hearing is tomorrow so I've opened the pack they sent me.
This includes the full investigation report, which i have not been sent before.

Turns out there are a myriad of errors, from staff not having anything other than basic safeguarding training. Staff not even recording events/ conversations with us. A lack of experience / guidance/ pathway of escalation in the safeguarding team. Bad judgement, lack of action.. I could go on.

I don't understand why I wasn't sent this before. I am furious, because I was right. Because their failures have made an horrendous situation worse. That is have had time fight with them since February, at a time when I had no fight.

Im still doing the Hearing.
I'll report to the lado and ofstead after.

Im considering the local press, with a promise to be kept anonymous.

How dare they.

Their incompetence is breathtaking but the report is a clear indication of just how bad they are.
Concentrate on tomorrow for now. Wishing you luck. Both you and your daughter's courage and determination are inspiring.,

Tomorrow won't change anything though.

It's just extra work/ stress for me.

They must be worried? I don't understand why they didn't share the findings, maybe it was another error.

None of them can do anything to make it right now. But I can't back out at this point, i need to do it for dd and for any other girls who might be in the same situation.

Im just so angry.

Wishing you the very best for tomorrow @123dontcomeatme . Sending love.

I've just read this whole thread. My God, what utter utter bastards. I am so sorry you and your DD are going though this. You are both incredibly strong and brave.

OP thanks for not giving up, on behalf of the parents and daughters who will face similar sityations in the future. I hope someone, anyone at your dd's school has stepped up and responded appropriately in the meantime.

Thank you.
The panel was last Tuesday, we will get the final response by next Tuesday. I don't actually except the complaint response to be any different to the Stage 2 response.

However, I absolutely obliterated them in the meeting. My argument and points were so strong there was not much they could say. The board were openly furious and all of the questions were directed to the school. The principal started to say that the whole thing was the fault of the police who had not contacted the school and gave no steer. The board quite rightly pointed out that the police have no bearing on what support the school should have offered and that the school could have contacted the police.

The page of findings were shocking. The board was angry they hadn't been shared with me. In the end they just ended up back peddling when they realised they were very much in the wrong.

I said I was offended I was there, in that room. That not only had they made an awful situation much worse, but that they had forced a family in crisis through the complaints process to address their failures and that was unacceptable.

Dd came along. She didn't speak and no one really addressed her, which was rude. But, she came out of there cheering. They were held to account and it was a very difficult meeting for them. Its going to create a lot of work for them.

I haven't decided if I'm done with this yet, it depends on the final response and it's tone. I'd like to draw a line but if it feels not enough then I'll go forward in some way.