Content Warning (concerns S.A.) Added by MNHQ - To have expected more from school safeguarding

[123dontcomeatme]

I honestly feel like I'm in an alternative universe at the moment.

My daughter is in her last year of a levels. She has been raped and experienced other sexual assults and cohersive control. This has been taken to the police, its taken about 6 weeks but she's done the interview, has an ivsa, therapy in place.

During this time her school attendance has been sporadic. I think that is understandable. The police, ivsa and therapy all talk about this being a hard time and doing what she feels comfortable doing etc.
The school are getting shirty.
Ive kept in communication with the school, the ivsa has spoken to them too.

Despite this, I had a call from safeguarding last night, pushing for my daughter to do her mocks. I said she had been doing well but the arrest too place on Wednesday and we have both had harassment from the family since, which has been reported and is being dealt with and how that's been very difficult, I couldn't work on Wednesday, my emotions were too huge, let alone my daughter.

The safeguarding lead then said, ' well hopefully she will bounce back quicker this time, that's the issue with children now, they need to build more resilience.

I am just dumbstruck.

I replied that this was a very serious matter and that if she was working it would be likely she would be off sick and she just gave me a patronising ' hmmm'

This isnt ok, is it.
I dont have any fight left in me now, but this isn't ok. Why do schools expect children to be like robots.

I'd suggest she go fuck herself energetically with the largest, pointy object she can find and see how quickly she bounces back. Bitch.

Honestly I am utterly horrified by the response from the safeguarding teacher. Teachers as humans are capable of all of the character flaws out there and this person has some fatal ones.

I think I would focus your energy for now on the situation at home and not get dragged into too much energy on the school.

Any senior manager who would give a person with that type of character a safe guarding role is not someone I would want to invest too much energy on given what your family are dealing with.

Focus on your daughter, the police investigation and your own mental health all going well she will not be dealing with that school ever again after the summer. It is clearly a very poor environment for her.

So sorry to hear this, you all must be in a terrible place. These interactions with school aren't helpful!
I'd firstly read the school policies around anything relatable and see if there's anything in there to help. I'd also contact the exam boards and council for guidance. Do you know what your DD wants or is she just unable to think straight?
Good luck with everything, and if the exams are for a uni place maybe speak ton the university for support or UCAS

Speechless. How can that person be in the job they are

Hugs to you and your daughter

Edited because I'd missed a word out in my rage

I’m so sorry, what a horrendous experience for your daughter.
absolutely crass, vile comment from the safeguarding lead. That person needs retraining or replacing.

Please make sure you get some support for yourself, perhaps via your GP or Rape Crisis. I hope your daughter has all the professional support she needs.

Thank you

Dd has therapy offered by the local rape crisis support. She's had an assessment and her first session is next Friday at 4pm. Though this is outside of school times she had to tell her maths teacher she won't be able to attend his revision session which is running then. He told her it really wasn't good enough and she should try to move her therapy.
She also missed a revision session that was running yesterday lunchtime and got a ton of grief over it when she went back into school today.
There is also revision sessions running every Sunday evening which she's never gone to. Tbh, I think this is nuts in itself.

She is managing to see her ivsa weekly around lessons and we even managed to get the police interview completed outside of school times.

Anyway, still no response, not even an acknowledgement.

It gets worse and worse. What planet is that maths teacher on??

Some schools are hopeless in a crisis. Granted, you don't want to disrupt DD's life more than inevitable, but reading through your posts, taking her out of this school may be the way to go.

It would also have the advantage that then you can really let them have it. They deserve all the grief you can give them and more for treating your daughter like that.

So sorry about what your daughter has gone through. I hope you all find healing.

I am sick and tired of hearing this trendy word "resilience" - it has become a substitute for empathy and simple common sense.

I have only read the first page of this (I must admit) but my initial reaction is why are they making her do mocks ? The results are almost bound to be affected, how can the poor girl revise?
In a former life when I was a teacher a girl in my tutor group was raped on the first day of study leave whilst she was taking a break from studying. She was told by the school to come in for exams if she felt ok but otherwise her grades would be awarded after special consideration.
Let your daughter dictate the pace.

I would complain immediately to the head and board of governors. That person needs to be removed from safe guarding Jesus.

At this point we might be considering resits. Poor darling has been through helll.

Bloody hell this school is terrible. When you get an acknowledgement of your complaint, add this in. How can these teachers be so boneheaded? It’s a therapy session at Rape Crisis, not a holiday!

I can’t imagine how you must be feeling. This is beyond ridiculous and honestly am disgusted at their behaviour.

The behaviour of school staff is absolutely disgusting and irresponsible. It doesn’t make any sense either. Do they really believe that bullying a rape victim into complying with their ridiculous demands will bring good results?.Good on you for complaining and hopefully you have the strength to push this if the head doesn’t react accordingly.

Hugs to you and your daughter.

I work in a school & 100% agree with this! ⬆️ Please report this dreadful comment to the SLT & make an official complaint to the school governors. Utterly awful things to say & hugely unprofessional.

So sorry you were treated like that.

I’m so sorry for what your daughter has been through, and I know it affects the whole family, so please look after yourself too.

i would respond by email to the DSL to ask her to confirm what she said to you on the phone, bullet points will suffice. Include what the maths teacher said as this points out that either the DSL hasn’t made staff aware that she needs a supportive environment, or that staff need focussed training on managing the experience of students in crisis.

Then, if the Headteacher has not responded my Monday midday (allowing 48 hours on school days, they are no doubt investigating their end) I would follow the complaints procedure that legally has to be available on the school website, copying in the Safeguarding governor (name should also be on the website).

I was coming on to say you could contact the LADO (Local Authority Designated Officer), but I see someone has already suggested this.

in my experience, the fact your daughter is attending school shows her strength of character, she’s in crisis and needs emotional support over and above anything, which it sounds like you’re on top of, well done.

While it does seem harsh as you are reeling from this, getting her to school will be good for her mentally. Kindness will be shown in school ask then to give her sume out card so if she needs to leave lessons and go to the pastoral office for support she can. Also her mocks are vital. Don't let this horrible incident further hamper her future

Unfortunately this is partly a consequence of selective settings which prioritise achievement rates over everything else. It is not acceptable. Ask them if they have had any trauma informed training and whether they use a trauma informed approach to managing students.

You have no idea what will be good for her, or what kind of environment that school is.

Kindness? Like being asked to move THERAPY ? Like being told she needs more resilience? Like being told she’ll bounce back? And that’s just the adults, nevermind the kids who can be massive arseholes .

What’s more vital for her future is that OP’s daughter recovers and heals, physically, emotionally and mentally. Her mocks will be irrelevant on her epitaph (worst case scenario).

I am so sorry for your poor daughter.
Everything you have said is totally appalling , i just can't understand what the thinking is from people who are meant to be professionals in this field.
I feel such rage for how your daughter and your family have been treated.
How dare they say such weak platitudes in such a serious and heartbreaking situation , i hope the head is thinking about how he will be handling these morons hence his delay in replying to you .
I hope you and your precious girl get all the love and support you need ,there are so many better people out there who will get you the help you so deserve.

I think you need to put in a safeguarding about the school

To include the LADO

I am sorry that is absolutely horrendous, what an awful thing for them to say to you. Totally minimising her trauma. Definitely complain and go to the LADO.

Has she been out of school for more than 15 days then contact the local authority for EOTAS or alternative provision which given the circumstances will suit her needs better.

"If the child is not attending by reason of illness or otherwise there is no deadline set out in law by which the LA must assume responsibility. However, statutory guidance says local authorities should provide education “as soon as it is clear that the child will be away from school for 15 days or more.”

https://edyourself.org/eotas/#:~:text=If%20the%20child%20is%20not,for%2015%20days%20or%20more.%E2%80%9D

That’s appalling. Don’t work in safeguarding but have done enough safeguarding training in schools to know you don’t say. “Everything will be ok” because it might not be for that young person. And the DSL’s comment is in the same vein as that.

I know this wouldn’t happen in our school and have dealt with cases such as this.

this is directly affecting the well-being of your child and if you get no response from the principal I would request a meeting with the ISVA, , yourself and the school. The ISVA is there to advocate for your daughter and if the schools approach is detrimental to her MH and recovery, it should be escalated to CSC for a strategy meeting in my view.
the LADO can also be informed if necessary about decision making of the DSL.
there should be an agreed plan and your daughter should not be made to feel guilty about missing revision sessions for her therapy.

this has been very poorly handled and as others posters have said, is not a trauma informed approach.

keeping children safe in education provides guidance on dealing with children as victims of sexual assault - can’t link on my phone at the moment but google it and make sure you are fully aware of their responsibilities.

also they should be keeping your daughter’s SA anonymous as much as possible but the fact she is getting questions from her maths teacher worried me that she has had to disclose to him