Parents want to take us away but unprepared to consider children's needs?

[MamaFifi05]

I am totally aware this is a first world problem but want to know AIBU? My parents want to take me and my brother (along with our partners and my two children, 2 and 2 months) away for a weekend to celebrate my Dad's 70th and my husband's 40th birthdays. This sounds great in principle but all the places my Mum has found are unsuitable for our children (very steep stair ladder to the only room our toddler could use as an example). I've shared some alternative suggestions of properties nearby to the ones she's found, but she's implying I am ungrateful for not going ahead with her suggestions. I can foresee a stressful weekend for us all if I just agree but don't know whether to just accept that it's going to be inconvenient for us and go ahead. It doesn't really feel like a 'gift' if we have little or no say in the arrangements, and we don't enjoy the weekend because of that.

Yeah it’s a weekend, I’d be flexible unless something is actually completely unworkable. My toddlers slept in some random places on those blow up floor beds, in a big wardrobe (door open), en-suite, corner of our room, in with cousins. For a night or two it’s fine. And if they are in your room and baby is really unsettled you can always just take the baby out for half an hour. But my toddlers slept through baby noise.

Honestly just go with it and get a blow up
all in one, there’s nothing more annoying than trying to do something nice then having all the joy sucked out of it by over-particular fussing.

Take the mattress off the bed and put it on the floor. Problem solved

Being from the 80s 90s myself I feel deeply that children should just fit in - which is also the attitude of my DC and DSC with their DC/DGC. However, in support of you, 'fitting in' doesn't include a 2-year-old climbing a steep ladder-type staircase down which they might fall in the night. Suggest your DM sleep up there or that you and DC have two bedrooms on the same level?

Also, how many properties of hers have you rejected? They can’t ALL have death ladders surely? I find it really hard to imagine that they are all actually dangerous as opposed to just not your first preference.

This is the ready bed I meant- it means a toddler can sleep anywhere. I think a 2 yr old could probably go in a normal travel cot (I think we did get a thicker mattress for the cot bed at some point too).

I'm so confused why people are telling OP to just suck it up.

The accommodation DM has suggested isn't being provided for free, it's not suitable and surely there's other options in the area that are more suitable?

Don't understand this suck it up mentality at all. It's not suitable for OP, and will cause stress. Children thrive on routine and if the toddler normally has their own room then sharing will cause sleeplessness for everyone.

It's not hard to choose somewhere which is suitable for all guests. The children count as guests too, they're not inconvenient add ons. They deserve a nice break too and to feel comfortable.

I would either take a travel stair gate, thank your mum and say we'll stay somewhere else and join you in the daytime or say its just not going to work and not go. Depends on whether it's just night time that will be a problem or actually the whole weekend will be horrendous

is a hard "sorry Mum can't be done" from me

I wonder if some of them are missing that this is for DHs 40th also. Can you imagine the AIBU thread from him if OP did indeed suck it up?

YANBU and quite frankly if they are being unreasonable now about this, it doesn’t bode well.

In your position I would probably say you don’t want to compromise their weekend so it might be better to wait until the children are older for a family weekend when it’s not quite so tricky with their safety and leave it with her to reflect on that. You really can’t compromise on safety.

I was also going to suggest a travel safety gate.

The issue isn’t the solutions but more their frame of mind and how accommodating or not they are going to be around very young dc. The house is simply setting the tone.

Just because someone offers to pay for something doesn't mean they're obliged to go!

Has anyone asked if this is how OP's husband wants to spend his birthday? The PP was right, it does sound rubbish

Hmm I was a 90s parent and I agree with the OP. The comparator for me would be booking accommodation to include MIL that didn't have a downstairs bedroom and bathroom to accommodate the needs of an 88 year old.

But why do you assume that they haven't?

I didn’t assume anything, I asked a question

Jesus Christ.

WHY are people so wet these days? Who on earth thinks it's a good idea to be shifting people around just so mother's imagined slight on her air BNB recommendations is smoothed over?

Just tell your mum it's not suitable and to stop being ridiculous. You'd love to go on hols with them (if you would, obvs.) and you'll have a look in the same area for a more suitable property.

Yanbu @MamaFifi05 What is it your mum especially likes about the place she wants to book? If it's a particular thing then any others you mention that don't have it will automatically not be good enough in her eyes. I think I would just say to her the time away will not be relaxing for anyone if the kids don't get as good a night sleep as they can be away from home.

But you declared it rubbish before waiting for an answer so you are not really asking a question, are you?

You're both being controlling, it's proper antler crashing.

To me, it does sound rubbish.

I think that was clear. This weekend isn’t about you.

I think it’s a bit nuts to insist on a separate bedroom for a 2 year old…I don’t know many people who would book a separate hotel room for a toddler. It’s going to put the cost up significantly.

“Thanks for the suggestion but we’ll decline and have other plans. Let me know if a family meal can be arranged as it would be nice to all get together for that”.