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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I want the house only in my name?

136 replies

Flower0782 · 13/03/2025 21:54

Will try and keep this short. Before my husband and I got married we discussed what would potentially happen with my father’s house in the future. As I am an only child it’s likely that my dad’s house would be left to me. My husband who at the time was my partner said that he wouldn’t expect his name to go on anything and if he would be happy to sign a prenup if that’s what I wanted. Fast forward 15 years, we have been married for nearly 5 years (no prenup). The subject came up again recently. I basically said to him if I were to sell my dad’s house and buy one for us to live in, the house would only be in my name as we do not know what the future holds. He could obviously treat it as his home also, and I would not constantly be reminding him that it’s “my house”. He has said seen as we are married the house should be in both our names and if I’m not willing to put his name on it then he is not interested in moving into it. None of this has actually happened yet, but it has got me worried for what is going to happen in the future. I’m really here to ask AIBU for only wanting to put my name and not my husbands on a house that would be bought with my inheritance?

OP posts:
Original poster
Flower0782 · 13/03/2025 21:55

We also have 3 children together.

OP posts:
BruceAndNosh · 13/03/2025 21:56

It's unclear. Is your father still alive?

Hercisback1 · 13/03/2025 21:58

Of this was the sexes reveresed you'd be having your arse handed to you.

Why don't you want his name on it? Presumably you will jointly leave it to your kids...

PineConeOrDogPoo · 13/03/2025 21:58

What would you think if the situation were reversed?

Hibernatingtilspring · 13/03/2025 21:58

Regardless of whether you added his name, if you're married it would ordinarily become a shared asset? I'm not sure if there's a legal way of protecting that, but honestly I'm unsure why you went the marriage route when that typically means that money is family money rather than separate - it's not much of a team,?

Original poster
Flower0782 · 13/03/2025 21:59

Yes he is still alive.

OP posts:
BendingSpoons · 13/03/2025 22:00

As you are married, I don't think it's legally as simple as just keeping the house in your name. It would be considered a shared asset in the case of divorce.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 13/03/2025 22:00

Why did you get married if you don’t want to legally be a couple with joint assets?

Hibernatingtilspring · 13/03/2025 22:00

Also I think your husband is being very sensible about saying he wouldn't move in somewhere that could potentially leave him very vulnerable if anything were to go wrong (though as I said, I suspect that being married means that he would have some rights automatically)

SleepDeprivedButAlive · 13/03/2025 22:01

Why did you marry him if you're not interested in sharing your finances and assets?

You're married. Even if you buy a property in your sole name, you have certain legal responsibilities with your assets if you divorce. You won't protect your inheritance this way.

Speak to a lawyer. Probably about a divorce before your dad dies.

ChewbaccaAteMyHamster · 13/03/2025 22:02

I have just inherited my Fathers house as he has just died and my DH will be sharing in that equally with me. It is OUR inheritance in my eyes as we are a team. Anything of mine is his and vice versa. I would want us both to benefit as equals because we love each other. When his DD passes and he inherits he will do the same.

Original poster
Flower0782 · 13/03/2025 22:04

I think it might be worth mentioning that we are in rented property at the moment, and about 2 months ago I was looking at renting elsewhere for just myself and the children. It’s a whole other story, but it was mainly down to not being able to get another job because of his inability to be flexible when it comes to his working hours and hobbies, expecting me to do everything round the house apart from maybe throwing a wash in the dryer now and then, and the way he has been speaking to me recently. I guess I’m not as secure in the relationship as what I used to be.

OP posts:
SleepDeprivedButAlive · 13/03/2025 22:05

Flower0782 · 13/03/2025 22:04

I think it might be worth mentioning that we are in rented property at the moment, and about 2 months ago I was looking at renting elsewhere for just myself and the children. It’s a whole other story, but it was mainly down to not being able to get another job because of his inability to be flexible when it comes to his working hours and hobbies, expecting me to do everything round the house apart from maybe throwing a wash in the dryer now and then, and the way he has been speaking to me recently. I guess I’m not as secure in the relationship as what I used to be.

Then get a divorce. Before your dad dies.

Diningtableornot · 13/03/2025 22:05

It’s not fair on DH to lose his home if you split up. Can’t you buy a house together and put aside some savings just for you?

Hibernatingtilspring · 13/03/2025 22:05

Fwiw you see people advising other women on here all the time to run a mile if a partner is suggesting living together without being named on the deeds, and to seek legal advice if not named but married. It's usually discussed as the man being financially abusive. So I don't think people are likely to support you in this when the gender roles are flipped.

MissMoneyFairy · 13/03/2025 22:06

Has dad said he will leave you his house, what about potential care costs in the future, what if he downsides. What if he wants to have the house sold and leave some money to his grandchildren.

Diningtableornot · 13/03/2025 22:06

SleepDeprivedButAlive · 13/03/2025 22:05

Then get a divorce. Before your dad dies.

Show quote history

Yes do. If you don’t want yo stay with him.

RedCatBlueCatYellowCat · 13/03/2025 22:07

If you don't want him to have a share of it, divorce him before you inherit. If you move there as a couple, regardless of whether it is in your name or joint names, it will become a marital asset and your family home. And he will then be entitled to a share of it.

The same would apply if his house was sold to buy somewhere solely in your name. It would be your marital home. He would be entitled to a share.

MuckFusk · 13/03/2025 22:08

It's unreasonable only if he will be paying a mortgage. If you will be using your dad's house to pay for it entirely, it's not unreasonable at all. Your dad's house is your inheritance. It's not a shared marital asset, so neither should a house paid for entirely with the equity from you dad's house be.

meganorks · 13/03/2025 22:08

Sounds like you already know what the future holds. So I reckon you should be securing a divorce rather than theorising about what to do with an unknown inheritance.

MrsTheodoreLogan · 13/03/2025 22:09

Even if the house is in your name only, if you are married it is a marital asset to be shared. If you do not get on with him divorce him whilst you father is alive and have the house for you and your children.

Panterusblackish · 13/03/2025 22:09

SleepDeprivedButAlive · 13/03/2025 22:05

Then get a divorce. Before your dad dies.

Show quote history

Yep you are worried about him getting half of your potential asset because the relationship is already shit and you don't feel secure.

Hibernatingtilspring · 13/03/2025 22:09

I've just seen your update, honestly it sounds like you need to think about whether your future is together, as if you inherit and then divorce he will be entitled to a share. Certainly if you're in England/Wales, you can't just decide that he gets less because you don't think he pulls his weight.
Also a pre nup here isn't usually legally binding anyway, they're not usually recognised in a divorce. Marriage laws, when it comes to finances, are pretty strong.

Namechangean · 13/03/2025 22:09

I think it would remain only your asset if it’s your dads house. If you sell it to buy a family home it would become a shared asset anyway

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 13/03/2025 22:10

You're being very unreasonable. If you don't want to be joined financially then you don't get married. What you want to do is really hurtful and probably pointless anyway. I'm sure you'd be deeply hurt if your DH did this to you so how can you possibly justify doing it to him? I wouldn't live in a family home I didn't co-own either, you've shown you consider it your money, your house so why should he trust you to be fair, why should he feel safe in that set up and he should he want to make himself vulnerable like that?