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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I want the house only in my name?

136 replies

Flower0782 · 13/03/2025 21:54

Will try and keep this short. Before my husband and I got married we discussed what would potentially happen with my father’s house in the future. As I am an only child it’s likely that my dad’s house would be left to me. My husband who at the time was my partner said that he wouldn’t expect his name to go on anything and if he would be happy to sign a prenup if that’s what I wanted. Fast forward 15 years, we have been married for nearly 5 years (no prenup). The subject came up again recently. I basically said to him if I were to sell my dad’s house and buy one for us to live in, the house would only be in my name as we do not know what the future holds. He could obviously treat it as his home also, and I would not constantly be reminding him that it’s “my house”. He has said seen as we are married the house should be in both our names and if I’m not willing to put his name on it then he is not interested in moving into it. None of this has actually happened yet, but it has got me worried for what is going to happen in the future. I’m really here to ask AIBU for only wanting to put my name and not my husbands on a house that would be bought with my inheritance?

OP posts:
ditzzy · 13/03/2025 22:35

Although I always refer to him as DH, I’m not actually married to my partner and house ownership is one of the reasons why. I own our home, it’s my house, our home, and he considers it his home too. We’ve lived together with that agreement in two different houses for over ten years.

The only time it causes a problem is when he wants to do home improvements, which I pay for (because it’s my house) but he gets equal input in ideas because it’s his home. Sometimes he goes for higher quality on really odd things where I just don’t think he would if he was paying. But generally it works for us.

With my ex-H, as far as I’m concerned, he took half my house, as I owned (mortgaged) a house before we married and when we split I gave him half the equity. He’d paid into the mortgage the whole time, so it was fair, but it made me feel I’d been a bit naive.

Velvian · 13/03/2025 22:39

YABU. You are married with 3 children and that is a lot of hypotheticals. Who's to say that you will inherit your dad's house? He may need to pay for care.

I'm not surprised your DH is miffed, I would not be impressed if DH started to talk about having the marital home in his name only. I'm not sure that would make any difference anyway, in the event of a divorce.

LivelyMintViper · 13/03/2025 22:40

Divorce him now. If you wait he will latch on to half your assets. You are already uneasy due to his behavior. Listen to your instincts and get shot

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 13/03/2025 22:41

Divorce him before you inherit. Simples

Lanifers · 13/03/2025 22:42

You are married so I’m sure he has some rights anyway. You sound a bit mean and like you don’t trust him or see a future with him!! You’ve been together years and have children for gods sake.

FeministUnderTheCatriarchy · 13/03/2025 22:45

Divorce before your dad dies.

Heronwatcher · 13/03/2025 22:47

Given that he sounds like a dick who can’t support himself I’d consider either divorcing him now before you inherit, or speaking to a solicitor about how any inheritance can be carved out of the general assumptions about marital assets.

Beesandhoney123 · 13/03/2025 22:48

Perhaps it would be better that your df leaves his house in trust to the gc, with you as executor. See a proper solicitor with your df.

You don't have to be super rich to protect assets with a trust

pizzaHeart · 13/03/2025 22:51

SleepDeprivedButAlive · 13/03/2025 22:05

Then get a divorce. Before your dad dies.

Show quote history

This ^

Silvertulips · 13/03/2025 22:51

It’s not fair on DH to lose his home if you split up. Can’t you buy a house together and put aside some savings just for you?

He doesn’t own a home now and they would both be homeless if they split.

You could ring fence the deposit on a house and then pitch in 50/50 each.

Or see a solicitor - inheritance belongs to the person it’s left two unless you make it a joint asset - in this case if you use it as a family home.

Seek legal advice before your father passes.

julia08 · 13/03/2025 22:52

If your dad is not expected to imminently expire, why discuss the issue at all. It’ll only lead to upset and resentment, and your relationship and opinions will no doubt evolve between now and any inheritance. Besides, it could all get used up in care home fees anyway.

CleanShirt · 13/03/2025 22:53

Flower0782 · 13/03/2025 22:14

As for finances being 50/50, my husband got short paid in his wages this month, he was approximately about £400 short. Out of my wages I’ve given him just over £600 to help with bills. I’ve asked him when he gets those wages back could he give me back £160 to help with one of my bills next month. He says he will have to see what his wages are like. I don’t know if I’m just over thinking things.

But you're married. It's legally 50/50. Get divorced if you don't want him to be entitled to half.

BestZebbie · 13/03/2025 22:53

To keep the house away from being lost in a divorce your father needs to set up a trust in his will, leaving everything that you would otherwise inherit to the trust, of which you and your children (but not your DH) are the beneficiaries. It would require a solicitor to set up and probably to then be one of the overseeing parties to sign off on the ongoing financial transactions of the trust.

Comparethemarket · 13/03/2025 22:53

You could buy somewhere with a "tenants in common" agreement rather than joint tenants, together with a post-nup.

It wouldn't completely protect you, but if the worse were to happen it might give some protection.

However, your dad is still alive and inheriting his house might never happen (nursing home fees etc). You might want to get the agreements in place now though.

I know plenty of people who have bought a house outright, got married, spouse walks away with half and they've ended up with a mortgage in mid or later life.

LastRoIo · 13/03/2025 22:54

What's yours is his and vice versa. That's how marriage works.

tachetastic · 13/03/2025 22:54

You should have signed the prenup when offered. You didn't and you cannot now decide unilaterally what your DH will and will not have a right to in future. You can explain your views and ask him to respect that, but he is not obligated to. That is why people have prenups (though as others have said even a prenup may not be respected in court).

If you are worried about him disappearing with half of your inheritance, maybe ask your dad to leave the house to your children rather than to yourself? You need to speak to a lawyer clearly, but that could make it harder for your DH to claim part of it in the event of divorce and then for that part to be left to his second wife/family in the event of his death, which is surely part of your worry here.

You need to check this out with a solicitor clearly. I'm typing this with a glass of wine next to me, but I'm convinced.

Nanny0gg · 13/03/2025 22:54

Flower0782 · 13/03/2025 22:14

As for finances being 50/50, my husband got short paid in his wages this month, he was approximately about £400 short. Out of my wages I’ve given him just over £600 to help with bills. I’ve asked him when he gets those wages back could he give me back £160 to help with one of my bills next month. He says he will have to see what his wages are like. I don’t know if I’m just over thinking things.

I think all of your information should have been in your first post

I don't know why you're together

Drivingmissrangey · 13/03/2025 22:55

Flower0782 · 13/03/2025 21:59

Yes he is still alive.

Wow. You’re arguing over this and you haven’t even inherited the house yet? You are both insane.

CharityShopMensGlasses · 13/03/2025 22:56

BendingSpoons · 13/03/2025 22:00

As you are married, I don't think it's legally as simple as just keeping the house in your name. It would be considered a shared asset in the case of divorce.

This
If you want the house to belong solely to you, you need to divorce him before your dad dies. Having it in your name or shared names makes no difference I'll be considered as a shared asset if you divorce and split between you

Codlingmoths · 13/03/2025 22:57

I think your best plan is to think very very hard now about divorce. I’d have long ago divorced a man who prioritised himself over family life and carrying the load with me, and left me to look after things while he did hobbies, so I’m quite happy to jump to ltb.

Booboobagins · 13/03/2025 23:00

@Flower0782 you would be far better to split now than wait until you inherit a house.

Get shut of him, he's a CL.

So sick of reading about men like this. Who do they think they are? I'm so angry for you.

Good luck, please dump his arse.

sorechalfonts · 13/03/2025 23:03

Your poor dad, this is disgusting human greed

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 13/03/2025 23:06

MuckFusk · 13/03/2025 22:08

It's unreasonable only if he will be paying a mortgage. If you will be using your dad's house to pay for it entirely, it's not unreasonable at all. Your dad's house is your inheritance. It's not a shared marital asset, so neither should a house paid for entirely with the equity from you dad's house be.

This is not correct. If OP uses the proceeds from her dad’s house to buy a house that she and her DH then move into as their marital home, it will then be a marital asset and he will be entitled to a share in it. Similarly if OP sold the house and didn’t keep the funds solely in her name, they would become a joint asset.

AcrossthePond55 · 13/03/2025 23:10

@Flower0782

You really need to get some (discreet) legal advice. And it's best to do it before this eventuality becomes an actuality. It will educate you and may also help your dad with any estate planning he may want to do.

Asset 'ownership' can vary from place to place. You need to find out how inheritance is treated where you are. In England, I believe an inheritance is considered a joint asset in some situations. And I'm sure that if you sold the house and bought another 'as the family home' the new home would be a joint asset even if it was in your sole name. You might be able to protect the money you put into it via 'ring fencing' but I'm not even sure about that.

But considering your later posts, you'd be a fool to do anything that would give him any 'rights'. So for now, get legal advice so you know what the situation will actually be and then never discuss the issue with your husband again. Let him think what he likes as long as you know how it will actually be when the time comes.

And give some serious thought as to why you're with him and whether or not you would be better off without him. It may be that 'in the fullness of time' he won't even be part of the equation.

Ihavethebestdogs · 13/03/2025 23:18

Hibernatingtilspring · 13/03/2025 22:05

Fwiw you see people advising other women on here all the time to run a mile if a partner is suggesting living together without being named on the deeds, and to seek legal advice if not named but married. It's usually discussed as the man being financially abusive. So I don't think people are likely to support you in this when the gender roles are flipped.

@Hibernatingtilspring Can I ask why a person who's married but not named should seek legal advice re being on the deeds? My husband bought the house before we married. We had thought about whether I should be added to the house deeds but were not sure it would matter. A solicitor told us that the only real benefit of being added to the deeds as a joint owner would be that the house would automatically pass to me if he were to die, making the process of probate much quicker. Should be rethink it? Thanks.