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AIBU?

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Original poster

I want the house only in my name?

136 replies

Flower0782 · 13/03/2025 21:54

Will try and keep this short. Before my husband and I got married we discussed what would potentially happen with my father’s house in the future. As I am an only child it’s likely that my dad’s house would be left to me. My husband who at the time was my partner said that he wouldn’t expect his name to go on anything and if he would be happy to sign a prenup if that’s what I wanted. Fast forward 15 years, we have been married for nearly 5 years (no prenup). The subject came up again recently. I basically said to him if I were to sell my dad’s house and buy one for us to live in, the house would only be in my name as we do not know what the future holds. He could obviously treat it as his home also, and I would not constantly be reminding him that it’s “my house”. He has said seen as we are married the house should be in both our names and if I’m not willing to put his name on it then he is not interested in moving into it. None of this has actually happened yet, but it has got me worried for what is going to happen in the future. I’m really here to ask AIBU for only wanting to put my name and not my husbands on a house that would be bought with my inheritance?

OP posts:
JillAndJenTheFlowerpotMen · 13/03/2025 22:10

I think this is too bad: you didn’t do a prenup and you’re now married. It’s a shared asset. If you want the house to yourself you need to divorce.

Cheepcheepcheep · 13/03/2025 22:10

There is such a thing as a postnuptial agreement but it involves all parties being on board. Based on your update, I’d just get divorced.

Waterlilysunset · 13/03/2025 22:11

Like others say, if you’re married it belongs to both of you

MyUmberSeal · 13/03/2025 22:11

Im sorry but I feel a bit sorry for your husband in this situation. You feel how you feel but I can’t help but think this isn’t in the spirit of marriage, and if it was role reversal and your husband stood to inherit and said he wants the house in his name only, you would be told that this isn’t acceptable, and to not settle for it.

I agree with your husband. Hope you can work it out if and when you need to.

MuckFusk · 13/03/2025 22:11

Flower0782 · 13/03/2025 22:04

I think it might be worth mentioning that we are in rented property at the moment, and about 2 months ago I was looking at renting elsewhere for just myself and the children. It’s a whole other story, but it was mainly down to not being able to get another job because of his inability to be flexible when it comes to his working hours and hobbies, expecting me to do everything round the house apart from maybe throwing a wash in the dryer now and then, and the way he has been speaking to me recently. I guess I’m not as secure in the relationship as what I used to be.

Then divorce the lazy bugger before your dad passes away and enjoy your new house.

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 13/03/2025 22:12

Flower0782 · 13/03/2025 22:04

I think it might be worth mentioning that we are in rented property at the moment, and about 2 months ago I was looking at renting elsewhere for just myself and the children. It’s a whole other story, but it was mainly down to not being able to get another job because of his inability to be flexible when it comes to his working hours and hobbies, expecting me to do everything round the house apart from maybe throwing a wash in the dryer now and then, and the way he has been speaking to me recently. I guess I’m not as secure in the relationship as what I used to be.

This really isn't the time and place to discuss hypotheticals then, work out what's happening with your marriage first.

Merryoldgoat · 13/03/2025 22:13

FFS.

Ohnobackagain · 13/03/2025 22:13

Flower0782 · 13/03/2025 22:04

I think it might be worth mentioning that we are in rented property at the moment, and about 2 months ago I was looking at renting elsewhere for just myself and the children. It’s a whole other story, but it was mainly down to not being able to get another job because of his inability to be flexible when it comes to his working hours and hobbies, expecting me to do everything round the house apart from maybe throwing a wash in the dryer now and then, and the way he has been speaking to me recently. I guess I’m not as secure in the relationship as what I used to be.

@Flower0782 ok dump him. This isn’t going to work.

WombatStewForTea · 13/03/2025 22:13

SleepDeprivedButAlive · 13/03/2025 22:05

Then get a divorce. Before your dad dies.

Show quote history

This. Or he will have a claim on your inheritance

Original poster
Flower0782 · 13/03/2025 22:14

As for finances being 50/50, my husband got short paid in his wages this month, he was approximately about £400 short. Out of my wages I’ve given him just over £600 to help with bills. I’ve asked him when he gets those wages back could he give me back £160 to help with one of my bills next month. He says he will have to see what his wages are like. I don’t know if I’m just over thinking things.

OP posts:
ThisBrickPombear · 13/03/2025 22:15

You’re married. Did you miss the part about “sharing your worldly goods?”

Cosyblankets · 13/03/2025 22:17

Have i got this right....?
Fifteen years ago you were discussing what you would do with your dad's house when he died?
Why were you discussing that?
Does your dad know?

Hibernatingtilspring · 13/03/2025 22:17

Honestly you sound like you see things very transactional for a marriage - which I understand if he's taking the P, but the whole point is you share things together and help each other out through the good times and the lean. Not be keeping score on who put what into the kitty month by month.

SleepDeprivedButAlive · 13/03/2025 22:17

Flower0782 · 13/03/2025 22:14

As for finances being 50/50, my husband got short paid in his wages this month, he was approximately about £400 short. Out of my wages I’ve given him just over £600 to help with bills. I’ve asked him when he gets those wages back could he give me back £160 to help with one of my bills next month. He says he will have to see what his wages are like. I don’t know if I’m just over thinking things.

Do you not have a joint account? Why are your finances split like this? Is he a massively higher earner?

Please just divorce him. You made a mistake, it happens, your relationship is crap anyway whatever. Every update it just gets worse.

Lifestooshort71 · 13/03/2025 22:17

You're presuming that your dad won't go into care (and the house sold to pay for it) so, unless he has a large amount of savings as well, I wouldn't get too excited about a future inheritance. As to getting a divorce now to protect this possible inheritance - can you afford to rent somewhere else to live and support yourself (and the children?) for however many years your dad has left?

MyUmberSeal · 13/03/2025 22:19

OP, I responded based on your first post, but you’ve now added little titbits about your marriage that imply your concerns about the future are not just based on possibility, but on real concerns about your marriage. Hope you can work it all out, and may your dad have many healthy years left in him yet.

MuckFusk · 13/03/2025 22:19

RedCatBlueCatYellowCat · 13/03/2025 22:07

If you don't want him to have a share of it, divorce him before you inherit. If you move there as a couple, regardless of whether it is in your name or joint names, it will become a marital asset and your family home. And he will then be entitled to a share of it.

The same would apply if his house was sold to buy somewhere solely in your name. It would be your marital home. He would be entitled to a share.

Edited

Agree. She shouldn't blow her inheritance on something he would legally be entitled to half of. That would be the same as handing him half her inheritance.
When I got my inheritance I put it into investments in my name. Where I live, an inheritance isn't shared marital property, so the ex is not entitled to a dime of it.

MuckFusk · 13/03/2025 22:22

Lifestooshort71 · 13/03/2025 22:17

You're presuming that your dad won't go into care (and the house sold to pay for it) so, unless he has a large amount of savings as well, I wouldn't get too excited about a future inheritance. As to getting a divorce now to protect this possible inheritance - can you afford to rent somewhere else to live and support yourself (and the children?) for however many years your dad has left?

This is a good point about care. She may need to sell to finance it.

beAsensible1 · 13/03/2025 22:23

I think of you do this you have to separate all finances. But also this is a bit hostile to someone you’ve been with 15 years. Better to rent it out and exclude as an asset from
a potentially divorce if you can get something signed but share the rental profits into the family pot.

if my DH sold his parents home and used it to get a family house but said I had no rights id say no to the bloody house.

arethereanyleftatall · 13/03/2025 22:24

Can you link to your other thread?

GGDanes84 · 13/03/2025 22:24

If your father is alive - he should put the house in trust and make you the beneficiary. So when he passes the trust will own the house, so if you decide to buy another house it will be owned by the trust etc. if your husband was to part the property would be owned by the trust so therefore as he was not a beneficiary of the trust won’t be entitled to half. You then name a beneficiary to inherit the trust in the event of your death.

beAsensible1 · 13/03/2025 22:25

Ah I’ve seen your updates OP. Just don’t buy a house. Invest it.

Maurepas · 13/03/2025 22:26

As you are married he will usually be entitled to half your assets.
This can even apply to long term partners as well.

justasking111 · 13/03/2025 22:27

GGDanes84 · 13/03/2025 22:24

If your father is alive - he should put the house in trust and make you the beneficiary. So when he passes the trust will own the house, so if you decide to buy another house it will be owned by the trust etc. if your husband was to part the property would be owned by the trust so therefore as he was not a beneficiary of the trust won’t be entitled to half. You then name a beneficiary to inherit the trust in the event of your death.

Friends tried to do this for their children HMRC expected the parents to pay rent to their children. They're not daft.

JohnofWessex · 13/03/2025 22:28

I suggest getting legal advice

Two issues worth looking at though are

  1. Do you want to leave your husband now
  2. How old is your father?
  3. The issues around care charges

Would your father have you and your children move in with you now if you leave your husband because that might help protect against care charges.

Bear in mind of course that the rules over care charges could change