I want the house only in my name?

[Flower0782]

Will try and keep this short. Before my husband and I got married we discussed what would potentially happen with my father’s house in the future. As I am an only child it’s likely that my dad’s house would be left to me. My husband who at the time was my partner said that he wouldn’t expect his name to go on anything and if he would be happy to sign a prenup if that’s what I wanted. Fast forward 15 years, we have been married for nearly 5 years (no prenup). The subject came up again recently. I basically said to him if I were to sell my dad’s house and buy one for us to live in, the house would only be in my name as we do not know what the future holds. He could obviously treat it as his home also, and I would not constantly be reminding him that it’s “my house”. He has said seen as we are married the house should be in both our names and if I’m not willing to put his name on it then he is not interested in moving into it. None of this has actually happened yet, but it has got me worried for what is going to happen in the future. I’m really here to ask AIBU for only wanting to put my name and not my husbands on a house that would be bought with my inheritance?

If you buy a house with your inheritance then whether or not it is in joint names or bought in your sole name it will be the family home and will be treated as a family asset if you divorce.

If you divorce the court would look at both of your housing needs as you have children who need two homes even if it isn't equal Co-parenting.

You could get a family lawyer to draw up a post nup (an after marriage prenup) but the court would only take it into account if the terms of the agreement are fair and the post nup would not be deemed fair if only one of you has accommodation to house the children after a long marriage with children who need two homes.

The best thing you can do is invest the time into seeing if your husband will change - perhaps through professional marriage counselling. If that doesn't work you need a financial order as part of any divorce to say that your husband had no claims on any assets and nor do you - for example, on any inheritance he might get from his family or his pension - depending on the value in comparison to the amount of your inheritance.

It’s not as simple as keeping something ‘in your name’. It would be a marital asset and would be taken into account should you divorce in the future. All assets including pensions and all properties owned by both of you no matter in which name they are would be included in a financial agreement. Inherited property may be excluded if the value of it is not needed to ensure both parties are adequately and equally housed, but if the value of it is needed in the split to ensure you are both housed properly then it will be included along with any other assets. (In England)

Horse. Stable. Bolted.

You’re two decades and three kids deep and this is the hill? As PP have stated, if the genders were reversed, people would rightly be barbecuing you.

Edited: Are your updates(drip feed) genuine or are you trying to make yourself seem more reasonable? How quiet you’ve gone makes me think the latter.

@Flower0782
He doesn't sound like a partner, he sounds more 'you do as I say & I'll do as I please'.
In your shoes would be thinking seriously about what's in my long term best interests and weighing up whether I should stay in the marriage.

Bin him. Then it will be moot.

Sorry OP but this 100 times this.

it is the only way

How would you feel if the tables were turned? Would you feel that you were living in his house?
if you divorced, the matrimonial home might be split between you both anyway.

Hmm, me and my wife are going through this at the moment only slightly different. When we got together she already owned property, and although legally when we married that became shared, we both still viewed it as "hers", she worked hard and bought it herself. When we split a few years ago I didn't want anything from the house. Fast forward a few years however and we manage to patch things up. She wants to sell the property and buy a new home for us both. The solicitor specifically made us sign documents stating what percentage of the property belongs to who. My wife had to sign a document accepting that she alone is paying the deposit, then choose whether to 50/50 with me, or pick a percentage, or have full rights to the house without my name. She decided to be joint owners all the way, but that was her choice. I have contributed nothing to this new house.
I think this is a hard one because I understand this is your sole inheritance and maybe a safety blanket for you? But Ialso understand your husbands point. I don't think either of you are being unreasonable. Maybe you need to figure out why you're so hesitant to name him, and maybe he needs to figure out why he feels so insecure about it. I understand married couples share everything, but I believe sometimes, some things can be just yours, and that should be okay. Either sex/gender. My wife's car doesn't belong to me, it's hers, she bought it. I don't even drive.

You can't. You are married so it's a shared asset whoever's name it is or isn't in.

I doubt this is true, once she inherits it becomes a marital asset as far as I know. If she's planning to divorce him it's a case of getting it done and sorted before she inherits.

Maybe wait until your dad dies before you ponder over what to do with his house THAT HE IS CURRENTLY STILL LIVING IN.

If you are married when you inherit, it would be considered a marital asset should you later divorce and he would be entitled to a share.

If you don't want him to benefit from your inheritance, divorce him before your dad dies.

And his behaviour within your marriage is NOT "a whole other story" - it is THE story, and what you should be prioritising. If your relationship is failing, if he wants a skivvy not a wife, if he has no respect for you; then look to divorcing him. Now.

I don’t think it does. If you win the lottery for example, it’s only in one persons name, if they leave their wife it’s not a marital asset. But if they put it in a joint account or buy family assets like a house, car etc all of those become marital assets.

So if they move in to the house or sell to buy a new family home, it’s a family asset, if she were to sell and put in to investments in her own name then they would be her asset alone

" He could obviously treat it as his home al"

Such benevolence. He's got himself a real catch there.

What do you do for work, OP? If you're earning an OK wage and you did separate this will help massively, but I can also see that you'd want the security of your dad's place too upon divorce.

Yes...agree get divorced sooner rather than later

Also make sure you have a final financial order in place as it would be terrible if your DH/ex DH came into money and had to share it with you.

Why does him not having his name on the house matter? You’re married so it’d be a shared asset. Just leave him if you want to leave him, telling him you don’t know what the future holds is cruel.

Then you should strongly consider getting divorced now, before your father dies. Or the house will most likely be considered a marital asset.

Divorce before your dad passes and make sure to get a clean break order. Without the clean break order, he can come after a portion of the inheritance even many years post divorce.

First, assuming you're in the UK what you're envisioning is unlikely to hold up in court in case of divorce. Your inheritance would become a matrimonial asset when you use it for joint/family benefit (including buying a family home) and when a married couple buys a family home it is a matrimonial asset regardless of whose name is on the deed.

But ignoring that and considering the arrangement you're asking him to accept at face-value... the problem is that you're putting him in a position where the only way he could build equity of his own or have the security of knowing he can't be tossed out and left homeless at any time is to leave you. Which of those two mutually exclusive options would you choose if he presented them to you? Would you feel he was valuing your security and wellbeing?

If your marriage is on shaky ground then table any talk of buying houses and work on the issues. There are compromises available that look after the security of both spouses but you'll have to get yourself to a place where you actually want that. If your father passes you can sell the home and keep the proceeds completely separate and unspent to prevent it becoming a marital asset.

I'm wondering how this was brought up again when your father is still living and why. Was someone trying to make a point about something deeper?

What an absolute cow you're being. Obviously your being unreasonable and as a lot of people have noted, if this was reversed you'd be told how unreasonable your husband was, blah blah blah.

Either you want marriage or you don't. You can't pick and choose which bits you want.

Nothing focuses the mind on a marriage like a potential inheritance. Basically if you're with him when you inherit it's his to share. If you're not then it's not. He has the right to buy his own property too. Don't deny him that. A man would have to be pretty near perfect before I'd share my parents' hard earned money with him.

Having read your updated comments, OP, it seems like things are not going too well in the marriage.
As your father is still alive, I would sort things out with your husband first, including making a clean break, if that is what it takes.

Yeah, he sounds like a twat. As other posters have said, if you inherit the house while you are still married, it becomes a marital asset. You need to divorce him before you inherit the house.