I want the house only in my name?

[Flower0782]

Will try and keep this short. Before my husband and I got married we discussed what would potentially happen with my father’s house in the future. As I am an only child it’s likely that my dad’s house would be left to me. My husband who at the time was my partner said that he wouldn’t expect his name to go on anything and if he would be happy to sign a prenup if that’s what I wanted. Fast forward 15 years, we have been married for nearly 5 years (no prenup). The subject came up again recently. I basically said to him if I were to sell my dad’s house and buy one for us to live in, the house would only be in my name as we do not know what the future holds. He could obviously treat it as his home also, and I would not constantly be reminding him that it’s “my house”. He has said seen as we are married the house should be in both our names and if I’m not willing to put his name on it then he is not interested in moving into it. None of this has actually happened yet, but it has got me worried for what is going to happen in the future. I’m really here to ask AIBU for only wanting to put my name and not my husbands on a house that would be bought with my inheritance?

Your husband does not sound like a true partner: he sees you as there to make up his shortfalls and to support him having free time to do his hobbies and his job in hours that suit only him which is adversely affecting your ability to work and earn more money. And he doesn’t do his share of household chores! I'm not sure staying together is going to be the best thing for you.

Should you inherit your dad's house and move into it as a family, then because you are married, it doesn't matter whose name the house is in. If you divorce, your DH would be entitled to half. You'd need legal advice to see if there was a way around this. (Also make sure you get a financial consent order at the time of divorce as without it your EX could come after any assets you may accrue in later years, and vice versa). You should know that the only way to keep an inheritance as solely yours is not to use it, or any part of it, for the benefit of the family. So if you inherited it and rented it out to boost your income that might be seen as benefitting the family and it would no longer be just yours even if it is still only in your name. I'm just signposting watchouts here: you need professional legal advice on the matter.

Don't count on inheriting the house: you may find your dad has care needs that cannot be met at home and would need to sell to cover those. Or he may meet someone, remarry and forget to make a new will to include you. You've not mentioned his age or state of health but these are considerations.

Really your starting point in this whole matter should be, do I really want to spend the rest of my life with this misogynistic prick? I guess you need to imagine leaving DH, funding your own rental and never inheriting from your dad. If that's something that you think you like the sound of over staying with someone who is taking advantage of you and causing you to feel financially insecure, then do it.

If you are planning to separate do it now and get the divorce going as soon as you can, otherwise if you inherit a house you'll have to split it with him. It doesn't matter whose name is on the deeds since you're married so if there's any question about your future crack on now.

This seems a very bizarre conversation. For all you know your dad could leave the house it charity. I have never considered what I would do with my share of my parents home when they die! (I would also like to think my parents spend their money enjoying their life, not worrying about leaving it to someone else).

Anyway your financial situation also sounds strange, you have lent him money for 'his' bills. Are they actually his bills or are they household bills?
It doesn't sound like you have ever worked as a team financially, and as others have pointed out people would be claiming the lower earner was being financially abused (if female and unable to access money).

If you don't want to be together and don't see yourselves as equal partners then divorce. I don't know why you are staying with him (though you do sound very money focused).

Get the divorce over - if you don’t want to be with him long term crack on with it, because if you inherit and move into your Dad’s place there us a good chance the house will be seen as a marital asset.

It's not unclear. She hasn't lost her father yet.

I think you need a solicitor. Explain that you want the house to be for your children and you need to protect it. I'd be very suspicious of your husband who said one thing, didn't do anything re a pre-nup, and now is threatening you as you want to protect yours and your children's inheritance.

When I saw this it had one reply. I now see your husband is terrible with money and of the mindset that what's yours is his and what's his is his.

Well best divorce now ( while your father is alive ) If it’s going to end with you both separated then it’s best you keep the house safe for you and the kids.

You should get divorced quickly before you inherit. Your first post missed out key information about the state of your marriage.

Good luck OP

You are married. If you ever split, the courts will take into account the length of your relationship, not just the marriage and all the assets of both parties.

Put his name on the house or don’t, he’s still got an equal right to it and will get just as much of the equity either way.

At least you can be sure he hasn’t been consulting solicitors on a divorce - they would have told him his rights won’t be any different if his name is on the house or not.

Edited to say: If you want a divorce, I agree with the people who say to do it now before you inherit - future inheritance will not be taken into account.

Op I think the update shows that he is selfish and entitled and doesn't care about your financial wellbeing which inspired he would absolutely try and get his paws on your dads houses divorce and get a financial orders

Put his name on the house or don’t, he’s still got an equal right to it and will get just as much of the equity either way

This is not true when it comes to inheritance .

No two ways about it there needs to be a divorce. This is not a happy marriage.
But can we please remember that her father is still alive! We don't even know if he is even ill. I'm disgusted that this had even been a topic of conversation in the first place whoever brought it up, the OP or her husband. If it was her, that's just vile, if it was him she should have shut it down immediately.
Her dad can do what he likes with his house. One poster earlier on said she might need it for care costs. No. HE might need it for care costs because it's his house!
He may remarry. He may leave it to charity. He may sell up and go on a world cruise. All of those options are his choice! There is no putting the house in her name, her husband's name, tenants in common, joint tenants or any other way of owning because it is not her house.
The thought of anyone plotting what to do with my property while I'm still alive horrifies me.

If you're married then it's a shared asset regardless. It sounds like you want an exit plan which is no way to live married life imo

It sounds as if you are already worrying about your financial security & your H is starting to take the piss

We are exactly the same, 23 years, unmarried, property is mine. He knows what's in my will - an acceptable lump sum for him (as recommended by solicitor) then the rest to my children and grandchildren. Solicitor said that as long as I'd made some provision for him (it works out at only about 8% of my estate atm not allowing for possible care home fees!) then even if he became a totally different person and challenged the will, the Court would not uphold it. He's useless with money and it's not my fault he hasn't invested in a property of his own. It's getting the balance between head and heart as we love each other dearly and both agree this is fair.

To be thinking this to this degree, you must be working on the basis that it is likely you will get divorced one day. You already seem to see him as “the enemy.”

So you’d be far better off divorcing him now and then anything you get will be just yours anyway.

It is if the house becomes the matrimonial home. I thought that was what was being discussed - the family living there and / or using the inheritance money to buy a different home to live in?

Either way, once the property / money is used for the family it 100% gets divided between both parties.

Doesn't matter who's name anything is in, its a marital asset

I voted YABU because you don't seem to understand the legal agreement you entered into when you married.

Divorce now before the house becomes an asset of the marriage. And also, obviously, because you're not happy in this relationship.

Not until the asset is in the ops possession.

Get your dad to leave the house to your kids and not you. Or get him to sign over half now and then leave the other 50% to your kids with some kind o stipulation about you managing these assets until the youngest is 25. Or something.

If you aren’t happy, leave now. But remember, your dad’s house isn’t gaureteed to you one day. You have no idea what the future holds for him.

I was an only child, with just my dad left. So I was going to inherit his house. He always said that it was all for me when he died (he was a much older parent when I was born so it was on his mind).

He ended up getting dementia to the point where it was dangerous for everyone for me to care for him, so he had to go into a care home, which meant he had to sell the house and paid out £250k in care home fees before he died.

I was left with what was left - £60k. Wouldn’t have occurred to me to use it for anything other than my family. £60k was paid off the mortgage to allow us to have have more free cash each month. Mortgage/house isn’t even in my name (couldn’t get a joint mortgage as I wasn’t working, we wouldn’t have been able to borrow what we needed), but you know, we are married so I’m protected.

Dh grandmother has just died and she left each grandchild £60k. Dh will pay off the mortgage so we can have a better life with his wages.

Marriage means all assets are joint unless there's a pre nup.
If you don't want to share future assets then you need to be legally single before you inherit.

Based on this? Move and divorce. Then the subject won't come up

I think it's wrong. It's like winning a lottery. If I won 20 million I would of course share it with my husband 50:50. We get married to share everything. If you didn't want to share, you should have made a prenup or not married at all.

Technically, an inheritance is considered to be a non-matrimonial asset but as with anything legal, the rules are riddled with caveats. There's a pretty good explanation of it here... Inheritance & Divorce | Do I Have to Share My Inheritance?
In the OPs case though, if father's house was to be used as the family home, it could quite possibly become considered to be a matrimonial asset (regardless of who is on the deeds) so if she was to move the whole family into it after her father dies, the answer will be decided by the courts.
If OP really thinks the marriage will break down in the future, better to do it now.
As a pp says though, there's no guarantee that the house won't have to have been sold off first to provide for care of her father.