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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find it weird when parents refer to their children as their “best friend/s?”

105 replies

ThatArtfulCoralFinch · 13/03/2025 19:50

I get that parents are close to their kids but I always find it odd when people say their child is their “best friend.” Maybe I’m missing something but isn’t there something a bit off about that? Am I the only one who finds this a little strange?

OP posts:
Danascully2 · 13/03/2025 19:54

Urgh yes I agree, it grates on me though obviously would never say anything to the people in question. Unless you have some sort of saint child it is important to be the parent not a friend and set clear boundaries. It is lovely as they get older and we can do things together that I actually enjoy rather than yet more hours in the play park... I still wouldn't describe them as my best friend.

Thepeopleversuswork · 13/03/2025 19:55

It’s a turn of phrase and I think possibly youre overthinking a bit. It’s just meant to convey that you are close.

I wouldn’t use this phrase but it isn’t inappropriate or weird.

dhfkabduuori · 13/03/2025 19:57

I agree. I particularly don’t like it when mothers of daughters say it about their daughters when they have a son (I’d say the same about dads and sons but I can’t say I’ve ever seen that!)

I also just find it weird that your child would be your best friend and doesn’t say very much about the relationship (if they have one).

Starlightstarbright4 · 13/03/2025 19:58

I have a teen - he definitely is not my best friend or even a friend . I have friends even work colleagues who are far nicer 🙈.

SemperIdem · 13/03/2025 19:59

Yanbu

I am close to my parents, they are not my friends.

My child is still young but I hope that we are close when she is an adult. We won’t be “friends” though, no matter how close.

That is not how the parent/child relationship should be.

TwentyTwentyFive · 13/03/2025 20:00

Oh this drives me mad. I have an acquaintance who does this with her child, she really blurs the lines between mum and friend and often her child's behaviour is left unchecked because she doesn't want to be mean mum when she can instead be cool friend.

Sometimes my DS will say I'm his best friend and I'll always tell him no, I'm your mummy and you're the only one who gets to call me that which is much more special than being your friend. Friends are equals and he needs to know that in our relationship whilst I love him I'm in charge, which means sometimes I'm going to tell him things he doesn't want to hear.

dhfkabduuori · 13/03/2025 20:01

I don’t have an issue calling children friends I have to say. I would definitely say I am friends with my mum, and I’m friends with my teens (to a point). It’s the “best” friend element I find juvenile and a bit sad…

mrsm43s · 13/03/2025 20:03

No way would I have said that when my DDs were children (and I agree there's something that feels off about it).

But now they're in their 20s, we seem to be moving towards that. We're peas in a pod though, similar interests, similar outlooks. They have their own friends, I have mine, but we're really close.

hopeishere · 13/03/2025 20:04

I know someone and she says her parents are her best friends. She goes on holiday with them all the time. Always out for dinner with them or at their house. She has a successful career. No kids. I just think it’s a bit sad. Just get some actual friends.

halfpastten · 13/03/2025 20:11

I don't think it's sad or weird. I have lots of friends but I am most relaxed and happy when I'm with my adult DC. I'd say they are my favourite people, others may use the term best friends.

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 13/03/2025 20:14

I dunno

I feel like trying to be your kids best friend is not the best idea

calling them your best friend is okay. My dd is almost 6 and autistic. She doesnt have any friends yet 😔 so I say to her that I'm her best friend and that she's mine

I tell her that she will find new best friends but I'll always be hers 🥺😭 - a bit sickly sweet but necessary - I think that some parents think along the same lines?

EveryKneeShallBow · 13/03/2025 20:15

halfpastten · 13/03/2025 20:11

I don't think it's sad or weird. I have lots of friends but I am most relaxed and happy when I'm with my adult DC. I'd say they are my favourite people, others may use the term best friends.

Me too.

ConstantCringing · 13/03/2025 20:20

Christ, yes. I see this a lot on men's online dating profiles. "I have a five year old who's my best friend" Yeah that's an instant "no" from me.

SemperIdem · 13/03/2025 20:20

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 13/03/2025 20:14

I dunno

I feel like trying to be your kids best friend is not the best idea

calling them your best friend is okay. My dd is almost 6 and autistic. She doesnt have any friends yet 😔 so I say to her that I'm her best friend and that she's mine

I tell her that she will find new best friends but I'll always be hers 🥺😭 - a bit sickly sweet but necessary - I think that some parents think along the same lines?

I don’t think what you’re doing is what the op means, or what I was thinking of when replying. Definitely more the “trying to be the cool parent, blurring boundaries” sort of thing.

I hope your little girl finds her friends soon, and until then, she knows she has you.

user1471453601 · 13/03/2025 20:21

My adult child refers to me as their best friend.

But, Adult child is in their mid 50s and I'm mid 70s. They are my carer too. So the wheel of life turns.

I cared for my child when they were young, but I knew enough to also respect them as a person in their own right. Now, they care for me. But also respect me in my own right.

Reaping and sowing maybe?

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 13/03/2025 20:26

SemperIdem · 13/03/2025 20:20

I don’t think what you’re doing is what the op means, or what I was thinking of when replying. Definitely more the “trying to be the cool parent, blurring boundaries” sort of thing.

I hope your little girl finds her friends soon, and until then, she knows she has you.

Show quote history

Of course x

I agree with you, trying to be the cool parent isn't the way to do things imo. Kids need boundaries and the role of mum or dad needs someone who is strong and protective and nurturing - a bestie isn't those things

Sometimes people kind of use the phrase, 'they're my best friend' - it shouldn't be literal though, just a reflection of their bond

Thank you, I hope she knows, she seems to take it in when I tell her 🥺🥰

WhatWouldTheDoctorDo · 13/03/2025 20:26

The mothers I know that say this about their adult daughters seem over invested / involved in their daughters’ lives. And I think that it has hampers the daughters’ independence.

For that reason, I usually think it’s a bit off. But that might be just the people I know!

Bloodybrambles · 13/03/2025 20:26

I refer to my DD (18 months) as my best friend but that’s because a) we do absolutely everything together b) her face lights up when I enter the room c) she looses her shit if I dare to poop in peace.

I say to DH I’m saving us being best friends now because in a few years she’ll be slamming the door yelling that she hates me.

I also hope as a teen/adult she’ll have her own secrets away from me as I hope she gets up to mischief/lives life the way she wants to.

CulturalNomad · 13/03/2025 20:30

It's very Gilmore Girls😂

I have plenty of friends and I cherish those relationships, but the mother/child bond is completely unique. While I'm very close to my adult child I don't think of us as friends.

AlleyRose · 13/03/2025 20:32

If I want to go on a day trip or go shopping, there is nobody I’d rather go with than my DD19. That’s why I say she’s my best friend I suppose. She’s just the person I feel most comfortable with.

AnneElliott · 13/03/2025 20:36

YANBU - I think it's odd. In fact I've always said to DS 'I'm not your friend, I'm your parent'.

How can you discipline someone who's your best friend? I consider myself close to DS but he has friends of his own, as do I and the relationship is different.

PinkiOcelot · 13/03/2025 20:37

My mam was my best friend. She was the first person I would go to. I knew I could trust her 100% with anything I told her.
I call dd1 my little bestie. We’re very close. Speak more than once every day and go shopping or out together nearly every weekend.

I don’t have a problem with people saying it. It’s not that deep.

kittenkipping · 13/03/2025 20:39

Mine are older and when children they were firmly my children and not friends. But they have grown into interesting, funny and kind people who share my sense of humour, share my interests, who know me inside out and understand me, and all vice versa, and so they have become my favourite people and I’d call them friends. We do not have the roles of parent and child necessarily - as I wouldn’t dream of parenting an independent adult, they are not children. I guide them in the same way I’d guide a friend, whilst accepting that their decisions are ultimately their own and my input is offered and not enforced. We laugh together cry together and lean on one another in a similar manner to friends. We holiday together, and share groups of friends- through clubs and work etc.

That all said there are things I’d talk about with friends that despite their age would never be appropriate (nor would I want to!) to talk about with my children. So whilst they are my friends, there are still of course boundaries (but the same could be said of work friends, or church friends etc)

stanleypops66 · 13/03/2025 20:41

I refer to DD14 as my broke best friend. We do a lot together and I love spending time with her and vice versa. I don't think there's anything wrong with it. I do have lots of other friends and obviously I wouldn't tell my dd things that are beyond her years or inappropriate. I leave that for similar age friends.

weareallcats · 13/03/2025 20:41

I get it - I am really close to my dd and we do lots of the things that friends do together. The big difference is that it is far more one sided than the relationship with my friends - I listen to her and she can tell me anything, but I wouldn’t expect her to do the same for me.