To find it weird when parents refer to their children as their “best friend/s?”

[ThatArtfulCoralFinch]

I get that parents are close to their kids but I always find it odd when people say their child is their “best friend.” Maybe I’m missing something but isn’t there something a bit off about that? Am I the only one who finds this a little strange?

It’s not a ‘might’ it’s a when sadly

I think this but also think it might be because I can't imagine it-don't have that kind of relationship with my mum!

I think I'll be very much in the minority with this one but I also think it's weird when people say they're 'in love' with their child. Usually with babies-see it on birth announcements. Love of course but it's the in love I find odd. I would never say anything though!

I always assume that the parent who says this doesn't have any of their own adult friends?

I am very lucky to have a genuinely close and very happy relationship with both DDs who are now young adults. We share the same sense of humour and enjoy each other's company, they are a pleasure to be around.

But they are my daughters, they are definitely not my best friends, thank you. I already had 2 best friends long before my DDs were even born. And I'm certainly not their best friend because, again, they have their own close friends.

I am their Mum and that's a very different dynamic.

I do understand what they are saying but, yes, I think it blurs what is already a special relationship.

My son always tells his little sister when she's having a tantrum "mammy is the boss in this house!!".

I don't think parents saying this about their adult children would annoy me too much, although admittedly I haven't come across it much, but it does make my eyes roll when people openly call their young children their best friends!

My 3 year old says I’m her best friend..I will despair if she’s still saying it in 20 years time!

It is lovely isn't it, to hear someone regard their DC as their best friend(s?) Mine are around 30 now, and I do have a wonderful relationship with them, and they DO want to spend time with me (and DH.) I am sure yours will be the same.

I don't see anything wrong with saying your child(ren) is your best friend. I guess you get annoyed when someone says their husband is their best friend too hey @ThatArtfulCoralFinch ? 🙄 I don't know why it bothers you, but yeah my 2 DD are 2 of my best friends, along with DH. I also have 2 other close friends (one from school and one in my village.)

Definition(s) of 'friend.'

Someone who accepts you unconditionally, helps you grow, supports you in tough times, and increases your ability to love yourself.

A person with whom one has a bond of mutual affection.

Someone you trust and with whom you share a deep level of understanding and communication. A good friend will: Show a genuine interest in what's going on in your life, what you have to say, and how you think and feel. Accept you for who you are.

THIS describes my 2 adult DC and my DH. You don't have to be unrelated to someone to be a 'friend.'

You sound a bit judgmental and somewhat bitter to be honest.

My mum always referred to me as her best friend. Because I was. She didn't have many friends. She needed a friend. I was treated far older than I should have been. She shared information with me about her sex life, her mental health struggles, her suicidal ideation, her drinking etc..

I'm sure it was great for her, having a 'best friend' who had no choice but to be there for her day in, day out.

But I needed a mum.

My children have a mum. Someone who is there for them. Who guides them, loves them, and knows, and thinks about, what is and is not appropriate to discuss with them. They have someone who they can confide in and share their troubles with and who will support them and offer advice.

My children have their own friends. They need a mum and that is what they have.

Why? What a really odd thing to say!

I find it really sad, honestly. You only get one mum - it's a special and unique relationship. And a child should be given room in life to find a best friend and have that for themselves, as well as a mother. Not to have their mother stifle them in such a way because she can't make her own friends.

I don't think I'd offer this opinion unprompted or to someone saying it to me in real life, but yes, if pressed, I admit here I find it a tragic statement.

THIS describes my 2 adult DC and my DH. You don't have to be unrelated to someone to be a 'friend.'

But why call them your best friends? What's wrong with instead acknowledging the very special relationships you have with them as their mum and wife? You can be anyone's friend, surely being their mum is a much more special role?

Hmm, this might be perfectly happy and fine. But from being a young teen I realised that my Mum preferred to be with me than with anyone else (even my Dad). She started to rely on me emotionally far too much and I felt constantly suffocated and stressed. We got on well together but deep down I knew it wasn't healthy.

When I had our DDs I vowed I would never put that pressure on them and I never have and never will.

So do I ! I feel your pain.

Totally agree.
And it's incredibly sad if a young person describes their parent as a "best friend".

Love this 🥰

FWIW my mum is my best friend and I'm proud to say so (joint with DH ;) ) and I hope my DD classes me as hers one day!

I will call them whatever I like thanks. I don't have to justify it to you - or anyone else...

And newsflash! It's possible to be a mum to your children AND their best friends.

Why does it annoy so much what other people say and do? Bit weird if you ask me. Why are you so invested in other peoples lives - and their business?

😘

YANBU. My mother used to say this about me, growing up she used to confide all sorts to me (including that she was having an abortion when I was 12 - I tried to be supportive, but at that age, I had no idea how to process it). She has always been demanding and got very jealous whenever I had a close friend, including when I began dating my husband.

It came to a head about 12 years ago and I had to go NC for a while in order to regain my sanity.

Now my kids are grown up and although we're close, there's no way I'd call them my best friend or confide such emotional baggage to them the way my mum did to me.

from being a young teen I realised that my Mum preferred to be with me than with anyone else (even my Dad). She started to rely on me emotionally far too much and I felt constantly suffocated and stressed. We got on well together but deep down I knew it wasn't healthy

Yes, it's terribly unfair to use your child as an emotional support animal😬
That must have been so confusing and difficult for you. I'm sorry.

It's grim.. my parents are my parents, not my best friend.

You sure can tell who the people are on here, who have great relationships with their parents - and their children....

And you can tell which ones don't! 😬

.

It's an opinion about a phrase..... hardly a deep investment into peoples lives. Why are you so defensive about it?

My children (all now young adults) are definitely my favourite people and there is no one else in the whose company I enjoy more, but I wouldn't call them my best friends. Obviously as they've grown up the parent - child relationship has changed and become more equal, but I'm still their Mum not their friend.
I think it is just a turn of phrase for most people but I don't particularly like it and wouldn't use it myself. Children, particularly young ones, don't need friendship from their parents, they need parenting and they shouldn't be expected to be the friends of their parents. To my mind, friendship is a two way, equally supportive relationship and that's not the way youngsters should be expected to relate to their parents. I know that most people who use the phrase probably don't actually intend it, but I think language is important and can potentially cause confusion and blur boundaries.

I say my dog is my best friend, so I’m not sure I can judge. I sort of mean it as the person (or animal) I’d most prefer to spend my time with.

My sons are 30 and 32. I would absolutely describe us now as equals and as friends. When they were children, adolescents and young adults immediately after uni I would describe us as parents and children. Definitely not friends