To think that people who say “kids are a blessing” just don’t want to admit they regret it?

[ByBluntBiscuit]

The louder someone insists that parenting is the greatest joy, the more exhausted and dead behind the eyes they look.

What an odd post 😜 children are children. And I would say yes they are a blessing. They are also just people who deserve respect.

Parenting is effin hard. No one would deny that. It’s extreme to regret children though.

My kids ARE blessing. It took several miscarriages to get my two and I love them very much. I don’t regret ever having them even though I am now physically disabled due to pregnancy. If I had known I would be disabled before being pregnant, I might have stayed at only having one child, but I have never regretted having them. Sometimes wish I could have one more but dh got the snip

No. Whenever I think or say that, I mean it 100%.

There was a film I remember watching years ago. Two people were at risk of death. One was an older grandmother lady. One a young 20 something man. Granny had a big family who loved her. Young man didn’t (yet). The granny was saved due to her being loved by others. Young man died. It never really bothered me when I was younger. On watching it now I can see the message that you’re worth more when others love you and you have a family. And honestly this message is shown time and time again.

Well that’s just silly, surely any reasonable person would save the YOUNG man as opposed to the OLD granny? Indeed, if I was the old granny I would want them to save the youngster who hadn’t lived their life yet.

So OP made one post and hasn't come back. I wonder if OP has children. Some people do regret having children, of course, but I think the majority don't. I've found it exhausting, difficult and relentless at times yet it has brought me so much happiness and joy. It's also brought me a sense of fulfilment. I absolutely do not regret it. It's the best thing I've ever done.

What's stranger is when people view their kids as their greatest achievement.
Your greatest achievement should be something you've personally done or experienced.
For example. I'm.proud of my business that I started that's doing well.
I'm proud that I made it to the top of Mount Everest.
I made a million pounds for charity.
Alot of people don't talk about anything they've done apart from children.

When I see pics of people's kids grandkids on FB. I think yes but what have you done.
Endless pics of family is boring.

Kids are generally v boring to others. This is why I only share pix and talk about my kids to my mum and sister. For other people, I talk about my kids but only for less than a minute. No one is that interested.

@PassingStranger raising an awesome human that contributes positively to this world seems more of an achievement than escalating 8,849 m, which you achieved, fair do's, for yourself?

That’s a comfy thought.

Perhaps that is all that person has done, though. And there is nothing wrong with that.

Not everyone has the ambition (nor the cash) to climb Everest.

Not everyone has the ability to start a successful business.

Not everyone has the time or drive to raise £1,000,000 for charity.

Everyone is different.

I actually do think my children are my greatest achievement and I do have a successful business, amongst other things.

I suppose it all depends on how we quantify success and meaning. There is nothing strange about that. Seems perfectly normal to me.

@Flocke
There was a film I remember watching years ago. Two people were at risk of death. One was an older grandmother lady. One a young 20 something man. Granny had a big family who loved her. Young man didn’t (yet). The granny was saved due to her being loved by others. Young man died. It never really bothered me when I was younger. On watching it now I can see the message that you’re worth more when others love you and you have a family.

I don't know... I find that message a bit disturbing. Family, children & friends don't define the person you are and they definitely don't define your worth to the wider society. They may help you be a better person, but that's about it. I guess if you are looking at gratification from other humans then you could measure your own worth by the amount of friends/ family you have.
I see the message as: with family around, there is always someone looking out for you (as you do for them). Your chances of survival are greatly increased, but that's almost like taking us back to the days of cave man & women!

I've only ever heard of/read about parents regretting their children on MN. Now that might be because it's a hard thing to admit in real life, of course, but most people I know with kids are besotted with them. Admittedly most are babies and views may change when they hit teenage years and whatnot, but I'd be surprised if it turns to 'regretting' having them. I don't know. I'm child-free myself so perhaps there's some unspoken code where parents can detect the parents who regret their choice or something.

I think the use of the word 'blessing' is extremely hurtful to anyone who wants children and is unable to have them (like me). It makes me feel like I was not worthy of being 'blessed'. That I perhaps don't deserve that when others do. This is mad, I know, but I have questioned whether I did something bad or wrong in a past life to deserve this punishment. A weird way of thinking I know, but I have pondered it.

I get it. It also promotes the idea of involuntary childlessness being a misfortune and a curse. It is very painful but there are compensations too.

I admire people who say “ I adore my children but I’m sure I could have had just as good a life without them.”

That's really selfless of you, I don't think most people are like that though sadly. I'd save the young man for sure in that situation. If you flip it around ALL the parents here would want their young son saved. Where the hell were all her kids anyway, apparently not risking their life for her! OK maybe overthinking it a bit😆

What if you inadvertently raised a serial killer? Parents don't have that much input in how a kid turns out. It's mostly luck. I don't think parents can really take credit for it unless you want them to take the blame anytime their adult child does something wrong. I absolutely don't see it as an achievement and agree with the PP that an achievement is something you yourself did. Kids are their own person with their own achievements.

Only on mn are people that obsessed with their kids. Hard work. A blessing? I guess. I don't regret mine but I don't expect endless thanks. Most adults are extremely selfish though, and most children don't appreciate the efforts their parents have put in.

Don't think it's MN. Blessing gratitude etc etc is social media speak. Usually used by influencers.
I am not much of a one for big words.

No, I think they genuinely believe it and enjoy being a parent and parenting. The ones who regret it don't say anything. YABU

I do think it's odd that any parent would have to announce that, especially to,
eg someone who doesn't have children (not that that's what happened in this case). This is a weird question though. I'm a parent and I know how I feel about it and don't need to tell the world. But if I did, I'd mean every word (and it would be very positive).

If you have kids and are struggling then I hope you have friends or family that you can reach out to inorder to vent or for support.

No not everyone feels this way. My kids are a blessing. Not to say there aren't tough days and I did feel overwhelmed some days when I had 2 under 2 and was ill myself or both kids were. We added another to the mix after a larger age gap and now touch wood it's easy enough as they all sleep through. Each stage has its challenges and I'm sure there will be more to come our way but dh and I are a team and will deal with whatever comes out way. Our trio enrich our lives for the better.

It's perfectly possible to live a fulfilled life without children and I did before they were born.

Having my son has been wonderful in ways I couldn't imagine. All the things people warn me about hating I have really enjoyed. Take Baby Shark for example. If it came on at a wedding to entertain the kids, I'd cringe, scowl and find somewhere quieter. But my son's face LIGHTS UP and he thinks it's AMAZING. So I love it because it makes him happy.

Hard work? Yes. But I've been unlucky enough to have been through a couple.of awful experiences in the past couple of years, so nothing compared to those.

I think that people who say this to women who are pregnant with a baby they don't want are tone deaf.

Otherwise they are a blessing for those who wanted children.

It's strange, there is one person at my work who is 4 years younger than I am (I'm 34, she's 30) and she thinks herself stunning, and that her life must be so much better than us that have kids. I don't regret my child, and I feel sorry for people that think parents in general would turn the clock back. There's nothing like the feeling when my tiny toddler wraps her arms around my neck and tells me she loves me.
That isn't to say some people don't feel they wish they could change things, I just have never met anyone that I get this feeling from.

I think my kids are the best thing that ever happened in my life, however

They drained me, both emotionally and financially (still do sometimes but its always my choice to get involved!).
Made me physically exhausted much of the time as a single mother.
They probably ruined my really good career prospects (again because I chose my DC over the top job and I don't regret that choice).

But, I wouldn't turn the clock back and not have children, absolutely not! They really are a blessing and the main purpose of my life, and now I have GCs I can't imagine life without them.