To think that people who say “kids are a blessing” just don’t want to admit they regret it?

[ByBluntBiscuit]

The louder someone insists that parenting is the greatest joy, the more exhausted and dead behind the eyes they look.

Are you trying to suggest that everyone who says their kids are a blessing actually wishes they never had them? You don't actually think ALL parents regret having their kids do you?

I couldn’t have children but often feel when reading Mumsnet that the freedom from the worry and heartache they often seem to bring is also a blessing.

I find the only people ‘dead behind the eyes’ are the ones who bash people who actually enjoy having children 🤷‍♀️

For me, I love having children. Sometimes it is hard and you miss out on other things but I have absolutely no regrets.
your post seems to be suggesting that most people regret having children. I imagine some do but it’s probably the minority

Amongst the adult DC of all of our friends:
One has been told they cannot have children and after several failed IVF attempts are now coming to terms with probably never having them
2 still births
A baby born very prematurely who may or may not live
Multiple miscarriages

Of course babies are a blessing, no matter how knackered you look. There were times when my kids drove me insane but I never stopped loving them and being grateful for them.

I think this was a highly insensitive, ill-judged thread to start

Changed your username for this OP? Why’s that?

Really intrigued about what has led to you posting this, OP? Are you struggling with your children, or you're not a parent and have decided that all parents must regret having children?

I am very lucky to have had a nice life with a lovely family, husband and enjoyable career. Having my children has topped it all, to be quite honest - they have brought more joy and purpose to my life than I thought imaginable. But I do agree with you that I likely look exhausted whilst telling you this...

Edited to correct grammatical error (too tired, probs).

Wow, OP. Why don't you say what you really think!? 😂 😂

I'm inclined to agree. You see people's 'light' go out almost overnight. I still think a lot of people have kids because it's the thing to do and not necessarily because they want to be parents.

Yabu. DC is a total joy and being his mum is a total joy even when he's being a little crock of shit. It is also incredibly draining at times.

You can be tired and happy.

Jesus with everything I had to go through to become a mum, my child is absolutely a blessing. It’s fucking hard, he has significant disabilities, but he is such a blessing and I honestly thank my lucky stars every single day.

Don't assume that everyone else feels as you do or assume you know what people are thinking.
Yes looking after small children is exhausting and hard and it changes your life forever but that doesn't mean parents regret having them.
My children are adults now and at times life has been hard but I don't regret having them for a minute. They and my grandchildren are the only people I love unconditionally and having them was definitely the best thing I ever did.

I always say that children change your life.

Whether that is for better or worse is sometimes difficult to judge. And it varies from day to day, year to year, decade to decade.

Goodness what a cynical post.
I have never for a single millisecond regretted having mine. They are the joy of my life.

Some people do some don't. I have felt both ways in the past. But mine are now healthy well adjusted adults who are a joy to be around and I'm so thankful that I had them.

This. You’ve even got your own board on MN now for this kind of thing; why don’t you go and post there?

I am not claiming that having kids is an unmixed blessing but this is a bit of a selection bias, no?

My DS has brought me immense joy in the last few years and has just achieved something very few people have, but I have never once posted about him. People post about their problems, mostly.

this is a joke, obviously.

Kids A R E F A N T A S T I C (is that loud enough)

I am bright eyed and bushy tailed @ByBluntBiscuit 😄

I don't have kids, and of all my friends and relatives I think very few actually really enjoy it and I would describe them as joyful.

The rest seem to be constantly worried/panicking/anxious/stressed/angry about something (not necessarily always their children directly but something related, like a school problem or a health problem or similar). I don't think it's a blessing to be constantly on edge/stressed all the time.

I don't know whether it's this generation of grandparents are more honest that they didn't particularly enjoy raising children and don't want to look after their grandchildren as much as previous generations did, or if it's unique to them and it will be back to previous GP involvement in the next generations.

I've never used that phrase - but overall I've really enjoyed being a parent .

It was hard work and there are bad days but overall they are one of the big things I've done that's made me the happeist.

I wouldn't advocate it for eveyone - and it's always a gamble and one you can't undo - but I've enjoyed it.

There's research to suggest that parents are unhappier than non parents but a lot of that research I've seen been done in USA - and apparently they are often unhappier as parents.

https://time.com/collection/guide-to-happiness/4370344/parents-happiness-children-study/

And yet, a new study of the life satisfaction of 22 Western countries has found that in some places, parents are happier than non-parents. A Council of Contemporary Families briefing paper, based on a longer peer-reviewed report to be published in September, argues that parental discontent is neither global nor inevitable. In some countries, humans with offspring actually report higher levels of well-being than those without. “Our results indicate that the parental “happiness penalty” varies substantially from country to country,” the researchers write. “In fact, in some countries, such as Norway and Hungary, parents are actually happier than non-parents.” That is also true, on average, of parents in such places as Portugal, Finland, Sweden and Spain.

Also seen research that suggest parent happiness levels depend on when measured - there are dips at some points but if the kids leave home parents are often happier than non parents - less so if they boomeranging back - which in UK due to high rents and houses is happening more.

It's a big thing harder in recent times for each generation I think in UK.

I think it's perfectly possible to have a good happy life without kids but I don't belive those who do have them all regret them - though a small minority possibly will.

What a surprise, the OP hasn’t returned.

My children absolutely are my biggest “blessing” (although I don’t use that word).

You have no idea of the struggles some people go through, or the losses they experience, to have a healthy baby. How could that not be a blessing?

Parenting is hard. I think some people are just trying to remain positive to keep them going. YABU.
Something being hard doesn't not mean it's also a great blessing.
I don't go in for loudly proclaiming how blessed I am but that's just my personality, I don't begrudge people who do. Especially if I know they've been through very difficult times. I have one friend who makes a lot of social media posts that say "making memories" and "blessed" and all of this. And she's a lovely person who i know has had a string of horrific events in her life, most recently the sudden death of her own parents.
I know full well that she's just trying to reassure herself about the good things she does still have in her life. And if that's what gets her through then good for her.

We should stop being so judgemental about how people express themselves and how they grieve or celebrate differently.

It's just another form of mum shaming.

There are big joys to be found of course, but there are big downsides as well. So you're just selectively biasing the other way by not seeing the negatives.

To be fair the thread is only half an hour old.

I don't think that's the case. I just think people are more comfortable with their opinions now and aren't afraid to voice them.

I still think a lot of people have kids because it's the thing to do and not necessarily because they want to be parents.

I didn’t want to be a parent. My DS1 was completely unplanned. He turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me. I never realised just how meaningless my life was before him.

DS2 was planned because, as hard as being a parent is, the absolute joy and meaning they bring to my life far outweighs any of the harder aspects of parenting.

I could never regret having my children. My life is infinitely better with them in it.