To think that people who say “kids are a blessing” just don’t want to admit they regret it?

[ByBluntBiscuit]

The louder someone insists that parenting is the greatest joy, the more exhausted and dead behind the eyes they look.

My dc is the best thing in my life but I would never use the phrase “kids are a blessing” when talking to anyone. There is something vaguely smug and irritating about it… generally nothing to do with regretting kids though I don’t think

Some people have tried for years to have there own family and when it happens it is a blessing for them.
Some pop them out like cherry`s for the child benefit or the benefits or the CM.
Others have children or just one and cant cope and need an army to help.
Some regret it and wont admit it others do admit it.
Others have a child and now they are grown up they go on to have more later on in life and cant cope as well as they thought they would.
Some do a better job having them younger others do a better job having them older.
Its a mixed bag.
But i think all children are a blessing they just dont always get born the right family.
Im childless as i never wanted them i have no regrets with my choice.

@ByBluntBiscuit shouldyou come back to your thread:

Don't project your own feelings onto other people!

Because people can only speak about their own experiences, I always knew I wanted children at some point and my two sons are the best thing that's ever happened to me despite my youngest having significant disabilities
But I csn only talk about me.

@LucyMonth
"it’s more that I think it’s a bit of an eye roll when people make their children the only think in their lives and erode themselves in the process. Like their life was a complete meaningless waste of time until they were “blessed” with a child/children."

Yep, I agree. So many women on this thread saying their children gave them a purpose to live. I love my son, I'd lay my life down for him, but he didn't give me a purpose to live and he isn't/wasn't the only incredible joy I've had in my life.

I don't think I would want to carry on living if I lost a child ,people have to but I ,can't begin to imagine the pain they must feel.

We go down the path we go down and sometimes that blocks off other avenues.

Sometimes we are prevented from going down the path we wanted to. And that is why it sometimes hurts when people say their lives would be empty and meaningless without children. But then we find, or at least I did, unexpected meaning, fulfilment and joy in the other paths that open up to us as a result of that one path closing.

It's not that black and white. Some people have kids and struggle, some people have kids and absolutely love it. Some don't have kids and enjoy their independence etc, some don't have kids and feel deeply sad about it. It's not black and white, it's a spectrum and we're all different. HTH.

I always knew I wanted children as well. I used to tell my mum how much I couldn’t wait to have kids when I was a kid myself. I couldn’t wait. Years of trying naturally, 3 miscarriages and 4 rounds of IVF later it hasn’t happened. And at my age it now won’t.

And then I get people like in the previous example I used up thread implying that my health issues would only be terrible if I was a mother. It isn’t really a big deal because I’m not.

Nobody implied that they said it would be terrible for the child to lose a mother so young not that it doesn't matter because the person doesn't have children.

I can't imagine anyone using the word 'blessing' unless they're in a church, but I have absolutely no regrets about my (now adult) child. He gave me a focus and my life a point. It was hard at times, you always worry about them and I wouldn't have wanted more kids - but he was the best decision I ever made.

I think it’s really sad to feel your life has no point unless you have children though.

My daughter is the best thing that ever happened to me and I would not want to be alive without her now - you are being totally unreasonable

My life would absolutely not be meaningless or unfulfilled without my children. Lots of other things that give me meaning: work, travel, art, theatre. All of which I am doing more of, now the kids are grown.

I suspect those that truly regret having their children keep shtum about it and don't say anything of the sort.

Perhaps some struggling parents do try and do the positive outlook thing and repeat the blessing mantra, but I don't think they are regretters.

I’m referring to a subsequent post I made about a personal experience I had. Not what anyone said on here. I was having risky surgery and a woman at work said it sounded awful and how terrible it was and asked if I had children. When I said no she said at least I wouldn’t leave any children motherless then started talking to someone else. Any sympathy/worry was gone instantly once she knew I didn’t have children. So she was only upset for potential fictional children initially, then didn’t care less when she discovered they didn’t exist.

It’s also not even just individual experiences of individual people saying things. It’s often only when you experience something yourself you notice a lot of underlying messages.

There was a film I remember watching years ago. Two people were at risk of death. One was an older grandmother lady. One a young 20 something man. Granny had a big family who loved her. Young man didn’t (yet). The granny was saved due to her being loved by others. Young man died. It never really bothered me when I was younger. On watching it now I can see the message that you’re worth more when others love you and you have a family. And honestly this message is shown time and time again.

It's not "sad" if they are happy though, is it? It's just a different experience/perspective.

You could easily say the same of someone who finds their "purpose" is mostly wrapped up in their job or whatever.

Different people will have different priorities and different aspects of life will have varying degrees of meaning/purpose for everyone.

You could easily say the same of someone who finds their "purpose" is mostly wrapped up in their job or whatever.

I’ve never heard anyone say their life would be pointless if they couldn’t be a doctor or whatever. People do say it about motherhood, quite a lot.

Depends on the kids. I have a blessing and a curse.

It’s not unexpected that people are coming here and saying that children are, in fact, a blessing despite the hard work and emotional ups and downs. Most people will be happy to have children. You can’t change biology

Absolute nonsense, never once have I ever regretted having any of my children and the eldest is 20 and at Uni. Yes there has been hard times but thats the same with anything in life.

YABU. Absolutely my kids are my biggest blessing. Doesn’t mean I haven’t found various parts of parenting difficult and/or exhausting but I absolutely don’t regret it and would make the same decision again. In fact, I might have had another one!

So in a way I sort of agree with you. Or it’s more that I think it’s a bit of an eye roll when people make their children the only think in their lives and erode themselves in the process. Like their life was a complete meaningless waste of time until they were “blessed” with a child/children. I mean where does that end? Or our children’s life’s “without purpose/meaning” until they have children? It’s silly. Very silly.

You do know that when people say that children gave their life meaning, that they don’t actually mean that their life was a complete meaningless waste of time until they were “blessed” with a child.

I can only speak for myself, but since having children my perspective shifted in such a way that everything I had done before I had children became meaningless to me. I had a great life before I had children. I have no doubt I would have had a great life without children. But having children completely changed my outlook and focus on life.

I don’t understand what is silly about that?

And actually, even if a woman does feel like her life is just a complete meaningless waste of time until she has children, then why should anyone judge her for that? You don’t know what has happened along her path to make her feel such a way. We don’t all have the same experiences in life. We don’t all have the same abilities. No need to shame or degrade people for what they feel brings meaning into their lives. Everyone is different.

Why is it sad though, if that’s how they feel? It doesn’t affect you. Unless they’re saying they can’t see how anyone’s life has any point without children, which is a different thing.

So I am THAT person who saying my children are a blessing becasue that’s what I mean… they’ve blessed me with the feeling of pure love, confidence in myself, self-worth, acceptance of troubles and pure pride and happiness. I am a different person than I was before children but 100% better for it I am more tolerant and I more calm more gentle more loving so in that way they have blessed my life.