Is this a bit harsh on a 3 year old?

[Cordswain]

I’m trying to make sense of some aspect of my childhood.

When I was around 3 I can remember being very distressed and screaming n the house. My mother was actually out in the garden and she came back in saying in a very cold voice:

”Stop this. It’s ridiculous screaming for your mum”

Just for context my mum was a career woman who went back to work full time after I was born - I was an only child so felt isolated

AIBU for thinking it’s harsh on a 3 year old?

It's something my mother would have said, and she was a SAHM btw. My mother wasn't generally very sympathetic about feelings though.

Thank you.

because it’s always the woman’s fault of course. Men can go back to work without being judged

Hi just to say ok my mum bring a career woman doesn’t add to the situation so with hindsight I shouldn’t have mentioned it. I f don’t think there’s anything wrong with women going straight back out to work after their babies are born or men for that matter

The only child bit to be honest isn’t relevant either really. I was just trying to provide context.

Thanks to all who have contributed ❤️

No nerve hit. At all. I'm a rambler and a writer - did you miss my name on here?

I've tried to give a fair and balanced opinion as a total outsider, offering perspectives from both sides while pointing out she's likely not going to get the validation she wants with this one incident (which, judging from other replies, seems to be the case). This one incident doesn't seem, at all, like "neglect" to me.

I tried to be as clear as possible in my post to avoid back and forth with people keen to disagree and/or argue. You've made your mind up on my opinion, though. We simply don't agree with one another. That's the nature of opinions. You've got yours and I've got mine.

I think it could just be one of those things that’s said in the heat of the moment, but for you it shocked you and so you remember it and have focussed on it. My mother told me once that she hated me (shouted it in my face), but the context was that I was a high spirited 4 or 5 year old and saying I hated her (can’t remember why!), and she snapped and shouted it back. I remember being horribly shocked and upset and her seeming not to care at all. We’ve never spoken of it since and I bet she has completely forgotten the whole thing, but it’s stayed with me my whole life. I don’t let it affect me now, but I am very careful to tell my own children frequently how much I love them (something I have never heard from my own parents although I’m sure they do love me), and I try not to snap at them although I’m not perfect! I think you will just have to make your peace with what happened and move on, either to a happier relationship with your parents or none at all.

Didn't you k ow you had a garden?

Don't rely on Mumsnet replies, see a qualified therapist x

If that's the worst memory you have you were blessed.

Depending on your age, I think it was the parenting style in it's day. I remember my parents saying the same thing to me.

It sounds like you have a lot of unresolved stuff around your mum and how you were treated which will play into your relationships with everyone today. I would recommend therapy to unpack some of it, you don’t want to carry it around.