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Original poster

DP wants to end relationship over misunderstanding with waitress

642 replies

Butterfly75756 · 12/03/2025 19:42

Went out for a meal with DP and all was going well. That was, until the mains arrived, and DP was adamant he had ordered his meal without mushrooms, yet his food had arrived containing them. A bit of a back and forth started between him and the waitress, who was saying DP definitely didn't ask for no mushrooms.

DP then turns to me and says something along the lines of, "Tell her I ordered no mushrooms". I immediately felt embarrassed and mumbled, "I can't remember". I hate confrontation and I genuinely couldn't remember.

The waitress eventually took the food back to go and fix the apparent mistake and DP was absolutely fuming saying even if I couldn't remember, I should have lied and said that I did and he kept repeating "Don't you know I don't like mushrooms?" After about 20 mins of being in a strop, he said that he would now have to reconsider the relationship as he doesn't want to be with someone who 'doesn't have his back'

Like the emotional wreck that I am, I began crying at the table and he told me to stop because I was embarrassing him.

So my question is, was I wrong to say I couldn't remember or should I have lied?

OP posts:
Bitofanchange · 12/03/2025 21:50

Hattie907 · 12/03/2025 21:48

It made me feel quite uncomfortable. This rule could really spiral with certain members. I wonder where the line is drawn…

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Apparently if it “hurt” someone?

Whatever that means, it seemed like it only related to physical hurt seen at the time.

Not hurt by losing money on their job, that’s just fine to lie about.

MumWifeOther · 12/03/2025 21:50

Bitofanchange · 12/03/2025 21:36

You sound like a nightmare customer!

The question was did I say no mushrooms?

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Why are you assuming that he didn’t ask for no mushrooms? As I said in catering the customer is always right and if he asked me that question directly I would have said “I’m sure you did! You hate mushrooms” and I would politely ask the waitress to please change the dish.

Mummyoflittledragon · 12/03/2025 21:50

So basically he bullied and potentially gaslit 2 women. Not a good catch op.

MumWifeOther · 12/03/2025 21:51

Bitofanchange · 12/03/2025 21:50

Apparently if it “hurt” someone?

Whatever that means, it seemed like it only related to physical hurt seen at the time.

Not hurt by losing money on their job, that’s just fine to lie about.

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She is the one risking her job by arguing with a customer who could very well have asked for no mushrooms!!

Bitofanchange · 12/03/2025 21:52

MumWifeOther · 12/03/2025 21:50

Why are you assuming that he didn’t ask for no mushrooms? As I said in catering the customer is always right and if he asked me that question directly I would have said “I’m sure you did! You hate mushrooms” and I would politely ask the waitress to please change the dish.

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So even if you didn’t hear him say it, you’d lie?

whynotwhatknot · 12/03/2025 21:53

op partner is here

LurkyMcLurkinson · 12/03/2025 21:53

Run as fast as you can. He sounds text book in terms of manipulating and controlling behaviours. What will he be using the threat of ending the relationship over next? You wanting to go out without him? Wear a low cut top? Speaking to the friend he doesn’t approve of?

MumWifeOther · 12/03/2025 21:53

Bepo77 · 12/03/2025 21:39

Why though! Why is it unacceptable to be a dickhead anywhere else, but fine in a restaurant?!

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He’s not being a dickhead - he probably did ask for no mushrooms!! The waitress is in the wrong for engaging in an argument when she should have just said, no problem I’ll change it for you! That’s how it goes in a restaurant. You are PAYING for a service and also to eat food you enjoy.

Bitofanchange · 12/03/2025 21:53

MumWifeOther · 12/03/2025 21:51

She is the one risking her job by arguing with a customer who could very well have asked for no mushrooms!!

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Or could be a liar! How often have you backed your lying husband or child and had to discuss at home…..

It’s obviously happened?

Bitofanchange · 12/03/2025 21:54

MumWifeOther · 12/03/2025 21:53

He’s not being a dickhead - he probably did ask for no mushrooms!! The waitress is in the wrong for engaging in an argument when she should have just said, no problem I’ll change it for you! That’s how it goes in a restaurant. You are PAYING for a service and also to eat food you enjoy.

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You are LYING to gas light!

MumWifeOther · 12/03/2025 21:54

Bitofanchange · 12/03/2025 21:52

So even if you didn’t hear him say it, you’d lie?

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Yes I would. For better or worse and all that 😏

Avatartar · 12/03/2025 21:54

there’s not mush room for any more drama with this loon in your life!

Bitofanchange · 12/03/2025 21:55

whynotwhatknot · 12/03/2025 21:53

op partner is here

Yes he’s not hard to spot is he!

MumWifeOther · 12/03/2025 21:55

Bitofanchange · 12/03/2025 21:54

You are LYING to gas light!

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😮‍💨 honestly it’s not that deep.

livelovelough24 · 12/03/2025 21:55

Why are people arguing about what a waitress should or should not be doing, this post is about OP and her partner wanted to lie for him. He might have asked for no mushrooms but she did not hear it and therefore could not say with certainty that she did.

MumWifeOther · 12/03/2025 21:55

Bitofanchange · 12/03/2025 21:55

Yes he’s not hard to spot is he!

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😂😂😂😂 I’m very much a woman and not the husband.0

Busybeemumm · 12/03/2025 21:56

LifeIsShiteEnoughAlready · 12/03/2025 21:44

Totally missing the point of the thread here but by an odd coincidence the mushrooms thing was an example given to me by my therapist when trying to teach me how to be assertive and stop my people pleasing tendencies.

She said,
Say you go to a restaurant, order a meal but ask them to leave out the mushrooms because you absolutely hate mushrooms. How would you respond if your meal, that you are paying for, arrived with mushrooms. You wouldn't just say thank you, pick them out, eat it and pay. Would you. That's not what you ordered. You would complain and ask for the error to be rectified. Of course, I am not saying you need to be rude but you do need to not just accept other people's mistakes as your own. You need to tell people if they have wronged you. Eating those mushrooms is the people pleasing response. Speak up.

She used restaurant examples a lot. Looks like she's in a minority of being willing to complain in a restaurant.

I'm aware that's a personalised odd coincidence.

I only say this because people are assuming OP's partner failed to ask for no mushrooms when it is perfectly possible he did ask and OP didn't notice. She did say that she wasn't paying attention when he ordered. I, personally, would expect my partner to believe me and back me up. He was not unreasonable to expect to be backed up and not have her bawling her eyes out in the middle of a restaurant.

There's been a lot of negatives added to his behaviour by respondants that show no evidence of having happened in the opening post but there is nothing new there. There's also a lot of support for a waitress whose behaviour is being assumed as completely positive with zero evidence she wasn't the one behaving like an arse.

DP then turns to me and says something along the lines of, "Tell her I ordered no mushrooms". I immediately felt embarrassed and mumbled, "I can't remember". I hate confrontation and I genuinely couldn't remember.

The mushrooms are not really the issue here. Of course he should assertively tell the waitress if his dish arrived with mushrooms and he may/may not have told the waitress. Errors happen.

The issue is how he spoke to OP, ordering her, attempting to control and belittle her and also not comforting her when she was upset and then threatening her that he will leave the relationship!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 12/03/2025 21:57

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MumWifeOther · 12/03/2025 21:57

livelovelough24 · 12/03/2025 21:55

Why are people arguing about what a waitress should or should not be doing, this post is about OP and her partner wanted to lie for him. He might have asked for no mushrooms but she did not hear it and therefore could not say with certainty that she did.

It’s hardly court is it? Honestly, context is important. I would give my husband benefit of the doubt and wonder why the waitress wouldn’t just correct it.

Bitofanchange · 12/03/2025 21:57

MumWifeOther · 12/03/2025 21:54

Yes I would. For better or worse and all that 😏

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Awful! Just awful!

I really hope one of you is on the end of a lie and lose your jobs, or something close to you. Because, you know it’s ok to lie.

I assume this rule of lying for him extends to other areas and not just restaurants.

Busybeemumm · 12/03/2025 21:57

OP- you should be shouting 'cheque please' and leave this loser asap with your head held high.

livelovelough24 · 12/03/2025 21:58

MumWifeOther · 12/03/2025 21:54

Yes I would. For better or worse and all that 😏

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I am pretty sure that "for better or worse" does not include committing a crime, which it would be if you were lying in court for example.

MumWifeOther · 12/03/2025 21:58

This reply has been deleted

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I don’t even know what “ma baker” is but okay. I genuinely don’t care 😅

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 12/03/2025 21:58

That poster is loving all this attention. ugh

CoralCrab · 12/03/2025 21:58

This has to be a joke. I don’t believe this is real. Jesus Christ.

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