DP wants to end relationship over misunderstanding with waitress

[Butterfly75756]

Went out for a meal with DP and all was going well. That was, until the mains arrived, and DP was adamant he had ordered his meal without mushrooms, yet his food had arrived containing them. A bit of a back and forth started between him and the waitress, who was saying DP definitely didn't ask for no mushrooms.

DP then turns to me and says something along the lines of, "Tell her I ordered no mushrooms". I immediately felt embarrassed and mumbled, "I can't remember". I hate confrontation and I genuinely couldn't remember.

The waitress eventually took the food back to go and fix the apparent mistake and DP was absolutely fuming saying even if I couldn't remember, I should have lied and said that I did and he kept repeating "Don't you know I don't like mushrooms?" After about 20 mins of being in a strop, he said that he would now have to reconsider the relationship as he doesn't want to be with someone who 'doesn't have his back'

Like the emotional wreck that I am, I began crying at the table and he told me to stop because I was embarrassing him.

So my question is, was I wrong to say I couldn't remember or should I have lied?

Christ, why were you crying?

He sounds like a right knob but you need to get a grip.

ITS NOT COURT THOUGH IS IT?

That’s what downtrodden wives do I suppose, which is why the OPs told to run.

Who wants to be married to a “man” like that, with a wifey who says “yes dear, of course you’re right” you always are, the silly waitress must’ve made a mistake,

I have always had a real 'thing' - an aversion or 'ick' expresses it I think - for 'couples that lie'. It really, really makes me squirm, and actually reminds me of infamous couples such as the Wests.
I've now seen on here that it's considered by some to be how a family should operate together as that's showing full support for each other in public. So I have an explanation for it now, which I didn't really think of before. It still just doesn't click with me at all though, there's so many reasons not to do this, especially when passing it down the generations, and I will still squirm at it.
Though I don't generally sit there directly contradicting a partner, friend or parents who might be rambling on about irrelevant (and untrue) things, but turn my attention elsewhere - if directly asked I'll say what I think is true though. I'd also tactfully suggest/say what I believe happened in a situation like the OPs, if I knew. I'll only hide what I think is the truth in a situation that could be dangerous for the person I know, which is exceptionally rare.
Squirming at all these 'couples that lie' out there now 🙈

Or maybe even said nothing and just picked them out?

No, but you said you would always lie for your husband.

Who’s to say it’s not him backing me!? 😜

So sue me? I said context is important too.

I told my DH about this an he was WTF. What I can't understand is why didn't he leave them on the plate.

This

This. Not treating public/customer facing people with respect is a dealbreaker for me.

I’d be worried it’d bite me on the arse and my ‘D’H would lie to me too eventually.

But you sound a match made in heaven tbh so maybe not. Well, in a Macbeth and Lady Macbeth kind of way I suppose. 🙈

Exit stage left, OP.

Everyone - right down to the worst abusers and psychopaths - can be polite and generous when they know that's what will benefit them. Always watch how people behave when they feel insultated from their actions (around people they have power over like waitstaff, around people they have learned won't stand up to them, or when they can be anonymous, for example) and when they're angry or not getting what they want. That's when you'll see whether they view treating others with respect and kindness as a principal or just a tool to use or put down depending on their goals and mood.

Absolute toddler behaviour.

Does your partner often belittle you in public and at home?

You would be worried that if you showed loyalty to your family above others they would repay you by lying to you too?

Pity he doesn't like mushrooms, I'd have advised a nice Destroying Angel risotto for the mardy little twunt. Get rid, ducky, seriously. Blokes like him aren't worth the time of day and certainly not worth getting upset about or crying over.

Yeah birds of a feather I suppose, then raising DCs with bad morals.

Awful parenting, but it happens.

No. It’s a family rule not a rule my husband imposes on me ffs.

A man who’s rude to waiting staff isn’t a man you want to be with. Shows a basic unpleasantness and disrespect.
Is he looking for an excuse to end your relationship, maybe another woman ?

So my question is, was I wrong to say I couldn't remember or should I have lied?

No you were not wrong about that.

Staying with this excuse for a man, that's a mistake. Hugh mistake.

This is KO way for you to live. No wonder you feel like an emotional wreck. Bin him off and see how much better you feel. All the best.

How utterly vile to of spoken to both the waitress and you in such an awful way.
I hope you get rid of him and go on to have a fun life and meet someone better.

My children are lovely ☺️ and always act impeccably for that it’s worth. I think they are very secure and know as a family we will always stick together ❤️

You’ve also stated on a previous post you switch off even your “D”H speaks..

So you don’t actually listen to him, do you?

You just back him regardless.

LEAVE LEAVE LEAVE!!

What are you waiting for?

LEAVE