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AIBU?

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Original poster

DP wants to end relationship over misunderstanding with waitress

642 replies

Butterfly75756 · 12/03/2025 19:42

Went out for a meal with DP and all was going well. That was, until the mains arrived, and DP was adamant he had ordered his meal without mushrooms, yet his food had arrived containing them. A bit of a back and forth started between him and the waitress, who was saying DP definitely didn't ask for no mushrooms.

DP then turns to me and says something along the lines of, "Tell her I ordered no mushrooms". I immediately felt embarrassed and mumbled, "I can't remember". I hate confrontation and I genuinely couldn't remember.

The waitress eventually took the food back to go and fix the apparent mistake and DP was absolutely fuming saying even if I couldn't remember, I should have lied and said that I did and he kept repeating "Don't you know I don't like mushrooms?" After about 20 mins of being in a strop, he said that he would now have to reconsider the relationship as he doesn't want to be with someone who 'doesn't have his back'

Like the emotional wreck that I am, I began crying at the table and he told me to stop because I was embarrassing him.

So my question is, was I wrong to say I couldn't remember or should I have lied?

OP posts:
EdithBond · 12/03/2025 21:10

Is he often like this? Threatening to reconsider the relationship over trivia? Thus making you feel insecure, anxious and upset?

If so, that’s abusive and you should be the one reconsidering the relationship.

No one should expect anyone to lie for them or tell them what they should say. Controlling.

MumWifeOther · 12/03/2025 21:11

As a family we have a rule that we always back eachother in public. At home, then we can discuss futher.

Busybeemumm · 12/03/2025 21:11

He sounds insufferable. It's a headache you don't need. I would be the one calling it after that dinner out! Raise your bar as you can do better. What does he literally bring to the table (!).

Busybeemumm · 12/03/2025 21:13

MumWifeOther · 12/03/2025 21:11

As a family we have a rule that we always back eachother in public. At home, then we can discuss futher.

Even if that includes lying for your partner?! Where do you draw the line?

PieCorner · 12/03/2025 21:14

If you stay with him he will destroy your self-confidence. If he had you crying at the dinner table over an order (or not) of mushrooms his the fuck is he going to be over any life decision you don't support him on?

🚮

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 12/03/2025 21:14

He's definitely a dick but surely it would have been within the realms of possibility to take the dish away, flick the mushrooms off, rearrange food and bring it back rather than argue with him?

I hate mushrooms too. I always make a point of asking for no mushrooms but on the few times I've been caught out, I flick the mushroom onto a weirdo-mushroom-lover's plate, wipe mine with a napkin to decontaminate and move on.

You should dump him, OP, never go out with him again because the way he talks to you is disgraceful. You deserve better.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 12/03/2025 21:16

MumWifeOther · 12/03/2025 21:11

As a family we have a rule that we always back eachother in public. At home, then we can discuss futher.

If you'd do that under these circumstances then that's pathetic. That's not 'having each other's back', that's lying for the sake of it.

SheridansPortSalut · 12/03/2025 21:17

It's you who needs to reconsider the relationship.

A man who loses his temper is a dangerous thing.

WisdomToothExtractionCare · 12/03/2025 21:20

It's his lack of politeness to the waitress that would mortify me op.

Hattie907 · 12/03/2025 21:22

He sounds like a right dick and I’d get in there first.

YANBU- in fact, my husband, when very tired, was recently given the ‘wrong’ drink according to him. I said “Er no, you said mocha.” In front of the barista who also thought he asked for a mocha and not his other usual choice. Husband obviously didn’t bat an eyelid.

Agree that restaurant brats are the worst - especially when fully grown men - and women. Such a turn off…

Hattie907 · 12/03/2025 21:23

Should also add my husband was polite in questioning if he had the right drink.

YourGoldHedgehog · 12/03/2025 21:23

It sounds it is a situation that blew out of proportion. Does your DP have a history of this? There has to be more to why a grown man has carried on like this and he probably has a pattern.

Remember that he is not the only one who can re-think the relationship.

Jade520 · 12/03/2025 21:23

He's making you into an emotional wreck OP. Time to get out of this shit show.

thequeenoftarts · 12/03/2025 21:23

I'd order him a fucking 40ft truck of them in all sizes and kinds, burying him in slightly gone off fungi would be my wet dream come through, Moody bullying cretin

FieldInWhichFucksAreGrownIsBarren · 12/03/2025 21:25

Fuck me, in the bin for this one.

whitejeanss · 12/03/2025 21:26

Is this a newish relationship or have you been together years? And is this behaviour typical or a surprise?

Deathinparadisefan · 12/03/2025 21:26

Oh boo hoo he doesn’t like mushrooms. What a complete pillock to have made such a song and dance about it! Do you really want to be with this big baby of a man?

Hattie907 · 12/03/2025 21:26

MumWifeOther · 12/03/2025 21:11

As a family we have a rule that we always back eachother in public. At home, then we can discuss futher.

I was a waitress as a teen and this rule would have got me a bollocking and totally unfairly from my horrible manager if he thought I’d cocked up an order and the table all agreed I was the one who made the mistake.

Not sure this rule is teaching any younger family members (if there are any, even if young adults) much about doing what’s right.

Bitofanchange · 12/03/2025 21:27

WelshPool · 12/03/2025 19:45

Does not sound a fungi to be with,

Brilliant!

Liz1tummypain · 12/03/2025 21:28

You are married to a numpty. Move on. Life is too short to be shackled to this nitwit. Sozzles.

FieldInWhichFucksAreGrownIsBarren · 12/03/2025 21:29

MumWifeOther · 12/03/2025 21:11

As a family we have a rule that we always back eachother in public. At home, then we can discuss futher.

This is really shitty behaviour. Why would you teach children to lie? That is not having each others back, it is simply behaving like dicks 🤨

MassiveOvaryaction · 12/03/2025 21:29

He's a dick. It should be you choosing to end the relationship after him acting like that.
You deserve better Flowers

Busybeemumm · 12/03/2025 21:32

Ohwelljusttoday · 12/03/2025 20:13

seems you have had lots of worthwhile answers with advice.

If I could live my life backwards, I should have left at this point similar point that you are now at.

Yes this brings back memories for me as well. If only I could go back to that point in the past, crying at a restaurant on a date and take a different path. I wouldn't have wasted 7 years and precious prime fertility years on an ex H who turned out to be physically and mentally abusive.

OP - take all the advice given already and don't waste any more of your time with this man. He will not bring any joy to you life and you will end up utterly miserable.

Bitofanchange · 12/03/2025 21:32

MumWifeOther · 12/03/2025 21:11

As a family we have a rule that we always back eachother in public. At home, then we can discuss futher.

We have a rule as a family of not lying, so you allow your DC to witness something, they know is a lie and the other parent lying as well.

You back your DC up if they’re lying lie?

You allow others to get into trouble?

What a great “family” you are not!

Dogstar78 · 12/03/2025 21:33
  1. If I went on a date someone that was rude to waiting staff, that would be a red line. Sounds like more than rudeness.
  2. Places have to ask about allergies. Although not an allergy. It should remind you to say take out whatever it is you don't like.
  3. If you have that much of an emotional reaction to a vegetable, don't order something that clearly had them listed as part of the dish.
  4. He was the embarrassing one.
  5. He is a dipsrick- not heard that for ages. I am gonna make use of that term more often from now on.