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Original poster

DP wants to end relationship over misunderstanding with waitress

642 replies

Butterfly75756 · 12/03/2025 19:42

Went out for a meal with DP and all was going well. That was, until the mains arrived, and DP was adamant he had ordered his meal without mushrooms, yet his food had arrived containing them. A bit of a back and forth started between him and the waitress, who was saying DP definitely didn't ask for no mushrooms.

DP then turns to me and says something along the lines of, "Tell her I ordered no mushrooms". I immediately felt embarrassed and mumbled, "I can't remember". I hate confrontation and I genuinely couldn't remember.

The waitress eventually took the food back to go and fix the apparent mistake and DP was absolutely fuming saying even if I couldn't remember, I should have lied and said that I did and he kept repeating "Don't you know I don't like mushrooms?" After about 20 mins of being in a strop, he said that he would now have to reconsider the relationship as he doesn't want to be with someone who 'doesn't have his back'

Like the emotional wreck that I am, I began crying at the table and he told me to stop because I was embarrassing him.

So my question is, was I wrong to say I couldn't remember or should I have lied?

OP posts:
DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 13/03/2025 17:30

"He's really loving and affectionate"

No. He. Is. Not

He's nice to you occasionally until he finds something else to be nasty about.

VexedofVirginiaWater · 13/03/2025 17:31

Everything you say about him makes him sound worse. Of course he must have his good points as you mention. If it had been unmitigated misery from the beginning, you wouldn't have given him the time of day.

But there are good times. Amazing times in fact, where I'm in tears from laughter, he's really loving and affectionate and he's telling me how much he loves me. It makes all the bad stuff go away. Until it happens again.

Thing is - it will always happen again. He reels you in - and then gives you a (metaphorical) slap. This is what your life will be like for ever if you stay.

Griff1963 · 13/03/2025 17:31

I hope she gobbed in his food, I would of!!

Planesmistakenforstars · 13/03/2025 17:35

But there are good times. Amazing times in fact

If a sandwich had only a tiny bit of shit in it, it would still be a sandwich with shit in it. He is abusive. If he was abusive every minute of every day you wouldn't hesitate to leave him and you wouldn't be this confused. It is part of the head fuck of an abuser.

WiddlinDiddlin · 13/03/2025 17:36

This is how they get away with it... the relief that those 'amazing' times (which in actual fact are just normal experiences people in healthy relationships have every day) produces because they are NOT the awful times, is addictive.

SO you keep hoping for them and ignoring the shit times because just around the corner the carrot of a good, happy experience dangles..

Get out, he is showing you who he really is, dialled up to 11, in 10ft neon letters bedecked with red bunting. He's a nasty cunt. He's also a stupid one. You can definitely do better!

2025willbemytime · 13/03/2025 17:39

You say there are good times as well.

  1. makes you breakfast in bed.
  2. texts to check you got to work okay.
  3. meets you for a lovely picnic in the park.
  4. picks up your dry cleaning.
  5. takes turns at cooking /cleaning up.
  6. runs you a bath,
  7. buys you flowers for no reason.
  8. picks you up from a girls night out as taxis are expensive/non available.
  9. does the food shop.
  10. assaults you.

1-9 make up for number 10?

might be extreme but the results the same. Verbal is just as bad as physical.

Member869894 · 13/03/2025 17:41

Oh Op. I've just read all.of your posts . You sound lovely and are in a classically abusive relationship. Please do yourself a favour and leave him. And read the Freedom programme online. You'll recognise him . Good luck xx

Beccaboo0979 · 13/03/2025 17:42

Butterfly75756 · 13/03/2025 17:25

A few examples -

On another meal out, I wore some jeans that he didn't like. He told me to burn them and never wear them again. He then was comparing me to other women in the restaurant and said I looked out of place.

It was his cousins baby shower and he had asked my advice about what to get as a gift. I suggested a nice outfit for the baby. He didn't like that idea and said no to everything else I suggested. I eventually told him to just get a gift card if he wasn't sure. Hours later he called back saying his mom had said that, that was a terrible idea and told me I had "taken advantage" of the fact he'd never been to a baby shower before and given him a shit idea on purpose. I was very confused about the whole thing.

Another time, we ordered Chinese and had to go and collect it. They only accepted cash and both of us had somehow forgotten our cards, so we couldn't withdraw any cash. I was apparently "stupid" for doing this and was told to "shut the fuck up" when I brought up the fact he'd also forgotten his.

On a day out, he randomly told me he hated my hair and I shouldn't do it like that again.

He always says I never make any effort with my appearance, which is baffling to me because people have always told me I look nice. I'm known as "the glam one" at work.

Has sent me the profiles of instagram influencers who he thinks I should get tips from.

Honestly there's loads of stuff, and writing it all down makes me realise how bad it is. But there are good times. Amazing times in fact, where I'm in tears from laughter, he's really loving and affectionate and he's telling me how much he loves me. It makes all the bad stuff go away. Until it happens again.

Show quote history

It's definitely narcissistic abuse. The loving fun times is how they keep you hooked. And over time those good times get less and less and they make you think it is your fault, you become hooked believingvif you are good enough and do what they say the good times will appear...sadly I've seen it many times.
Keep a journal with a emoji per day of your relationship ie smile face straight face sad face and a little note of good bad comments.

Vodkafairy99 · 13/03/2025 17:42

I actually find this post hugely concerning OP, I have also read your other comments about his previous behaviour with some anxiety too. He is a bully, he's emotionally abusive and he's not going to change, most likely he'll escalate. Get out of the relationship and meet someone who is going to value you, treat you better and not behave like an arsehat.

Rhodesiawassuper1972 · 13/03/2025 17:51

Sorry.... Get out while you can. He sounds like a bully and highly coercive. Please put yourself first. It can only get qorse

littlemisspigg · 13/03/2025 17:57

Butterfly75756 · 12/03/2025 19:42

Went out for a meal with DP and all was going well. That was, until the mains arrived, and DP was adamant he had ordered his meal without mushrooms, yet his food had arrived containing them. A bit of a back and forth started between him and the waitress, who was saying DP definitely didn't ask for no mushrooms.

DP then turns to me and says something along the lines of, "Tell her I ordered no mushrooms". I immediately felt embarrassed and mumbled, "I can't remember". I hate confrontation and I genuinely couldn't remember.

The waitress eventually took the food back to go and fix the apparent mistake and DP was absolutely fuming saying even if I couldn't remember, I should have lied and said that I did and he kept repeating "Don't you know I don't like mushrooms?" After about 20 mins of being in a strop, he said that he would now have to reconsider the relationship as he doesn't want to be with someone who 'doesn't have his back'

Like the emotional wreck that I am, I began crying at the table and he told me to stop because I was embarrassing him.

So my question is, was I wrong to say I couldn't remember or should I have lied?

It's a great opportunity....take it.
The trash is taking itself out- don't stop it.

PickAChew · 13/03/2025 17:58

Butterfly75756 · 13/03/2025 17:25

A few examples -

On another meal out, I wore some jeans that he didn't like. He told me to burn them and never wear them again. He then was comparing me to other women in the restaurant and said I looked out of place.

It was his cousins baby shower and he had asked my advice about what to get as a gift. I suggested a nice outfit for the baby. He didn't like that idea and said no to everything else I suggested. I eventually told him to just get a gift card if he wasn't sure. Hours later he called back saying his mom had said that, that was a terrible idea and told me I had "taken advantage" of the fact he'd never been to a baby shower before and given him a shit idea on purpose. I was very confused about the whole thing.

Another time, we ordered Chinese and had to go and collect it. They only accepted cash and both of us had somehow forgotten our cards, so we couldn't withdraw any cash. I was apparently "stupid" for doing this and was told to "shut the fuck up" when I brought up the fact he'd also forgotten his.

On a day out, he randomly told me he hated my hair and I shouldn't do it like that again.

He always says I never make any effort with my appearance, which is baffling to me because people have always told me I look nice. I'm known as "the glam one" at work.

Has sent me the profiles of instagram influencers who he thinks I should get tips from.

Honestly there's loads of stuff, and writing it all down makes me realise how bad it is. But there are good times. Amazing times in fact, where I'm in tears from laughter, he's really loving and affectionate and he's telling me how much he loves me. It makes all the bad stuff go away. Until it happens again.

Show quote history

Remember that you wouldn't eat a sandwich with just a little bit of shit in it, even if the rest looked delicious.

Bonkersbilly · 13/03/2025 17:58

Get rid find happiness with a toadstool

Lost20211 · 13/03/2025 17:59

Run fast, run far.

littlemisspigg · 13/03/2025 18:01

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 13/03/2025 08:05

Absolutely agree with the above.

A relative's partner was like this. He spoke with such authority that no one ever contradicted to him. Whoever was lowest in the pecking order at the time was effectively treated like "the waitress." Unbearable.

I can imagine it felt humiliating to be part of the public scene he was creating. From your post it sounds like your immediate concern was to placate him to make him calm down and stop, but you stood your ground when being asked to lie on his behalf.
It occured to me that him asking you to lie for him, was revealing. The truth doesn't matter to him. He had to win at all costs. I'm betting he's already told you loads of whoppers. And not even about important things.

From your posts, it sounds that you've been constantly scolded into apologising, even when its not your fault.

And he is always, always right - even when he isn't.

You don't have to put up with it.

Show quote history

Very well articulated...perfect!

Raininginparadise2 · 13/03/2025 18:02

The more you post OP the worse he sounds. Get out of this relationship. He is abusive and controlling. You don't need to put up with being treated like this. Life will be so much better without him.

Harleyband · 13/03/2025 18:02

Many men are loving and affectionate and make you laugh. This is normal relationship behaviour.

Most men do not do any of things you listed above. Those are not normal relationship behaviours.

You are unequivocally in an abusive relationship.

Mush62 · 13/03/2025 18:04

I do believe you just answered your own question OP.

PotatoLove · 13/03/2025 18:04

After reading your other posts OP, you need to tell this abusive twatwaffle to do one. He's a complete prick and you deserve better.

Cdu · 13/03/2025 18:06

It's not a misunderstanding. You didn't do what he wanted and that's that. It's a threat, idle or otherwise. If you chose to stay in a relationship with a man who speaks and treats you like that, you are showing him how you accept being treated. Better to be on your own than with an ignorant bully

Macanncheese · 13/03/2025 18:08

I was with one of these pricks for years. It will never change it just gets worse. Please get rid of him before he starts using his fists to “put you in your place”

Original poster
Butterfly75756 · 13/03/2025 18:09

He has a way of explaining things so that I seem like I'm the crazy one. E.g. when he said he didn't like my hair, he said a healthy relationship is where you can tell each other things

OP posts:
FlipFlopVibe · 13/03/2025 18:09

Red flags 🚩 🚩🚩🚩🚩 everywhere! It’s like a circus. Get away from him and this horrible abuse. There’s a reason emotional abuse became a crime, it causes serious psychological harm. Do not stand by and let this happen to you.

Original poster
Butterfly75756 · 13/03/2025 18:10

Posted too soon!

*tell each other things you don't like about each other

OP posts:
BumpandBounce · 13/03/2025 18:11

Butterfly75756 · 13/03/2025 17:25

A few examples -

On another meal out, I wore some jeans that he didn't like. He told me to burn them and never wear them again. He then was comparing me to other women in the restaurant and said I looked out of place.

It was his cousins baby shower and he had asked my advice about what to get as a gift. I suggested a nice outfit for the baby. He didn't like that idea and said no to everything else I suggested. I eventually told him to just get a gift card if he wasn't sure. Hours later he called back saying his mom had said that, that was a terrible idea and told me I had "taken advantage" of the fact he'd never been to a baby shower before and given him a shit idea on purpose. I was very confused about the whole thing.

Another time, we ordered Chinese and had to go and collect it. They only accepted cash and both of us had somehow forgotten our cards, so we couldn't withdraw any cash. I was apparently "stupid" for doing this and was told to "shut the fuck up" when I brought up the fact he'd also forgotten his.

On a day out, he randomly told me he hated my hair and I shouldn't do it like that again.

He always says I never make any effort with my appearance, which is baffling to me because people have always told me I look nice. I'm known as "the glam one" at work.

Has sent me the profiles of instagram influencers who he thinks I should get tips from.

Honestly there's loads of stuff, and writing it all down makes me realise how bad it is. But there are good times. Amazing times in fact, where I'm in tears from laughter, he's really loving and affectionate and he's telling me how much he loves me. It makes all the bad stuff go away. Until it happens again.

Show quote history

@Butterfly75756 I’d really recommend that you read Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft. It will honestly open your eyes.

What you are describing is classic emotional abuse. Of course he’s wonderful at other times, that’s what abusers do to keep you second-guessing yourself. “He’s not that bad. It must be my imagination” He’ll be just nice enough for you not to leave him.

Please ditch this guy. Many of us have been where you are and it only gets worse. If your confidence is undermined already, imagine what you’ll be like in 5 or 10 years time. Do yourself a favour and walk away now.