DP wants to end relationship over misunderstanding with waitress

[Butterfly75756]

Went out for a meal with DP and all was going well. That was, until the mains arrived, and DP was adamant he had ordered his meal without mushrooms, yet his food had arrived containing them. A bit of a back and forth started between him and the waitress, who was saying DP definitely didn't ask for no mushrooms.

DP then turns to me and says something along the lines of, "Tell her I ordered no mushrooms". I immediately felt embarrassed and mumbled, "I can't remember". I hate confrontation and I genuinely couldn't remember.

The waitress eventually took the food back to go and fix the apparent mistake and DP was absolutely fuming saying even if I couldn't remember, I should have lied and said that I did and he kept repeating "Don't you know I don't like mushrooms?" After about 20 mins of being in a strop, he said that he would now have to reconsider the relationship as he doesn't want to be with someone who 'doesn't have his back'

Like the emotional wreck that I am, I began crying at the table and he told me to stop because I was embarrassing him.

So my question is, was I wrong to say I couldn't remember or should I have lied?

Saying you were bought the wrong thing isn’t bullying the waitstaff.

Sounds like something out of Shameless.

What is wrong with his response. Op doesn’t say he was nasty to the waitress or shouted. She says he asked, then there was back and forth.

I think asking for a mistake to be rectified is normal. What would you do?

Oh dear. He sounds like an utter twat, and I bet he has selected you because you're the type of woman who is so easily reduced to tears in a restaurant.

Get rid of him and you need to toughen up a little bit so you won't stand for this sort of shit ever again.

lol let this trash take himself out!!!

Is this really about the mushrooms - because yes he sounds a twat if so. Are there generally massive problems in the relationship with the relationship and this has been the last straw?
Do you know if he likes mushrooms? I would know if my partner asked for a meal without them as he loathes them - but I wouldn't expect a waitress to argue if he said he had asked for them without - although there is no reason for him to be rude.

He sounds like a weapons-grade bellend, for both the waitress incident and the threat to end things because you didn't back him up. You're better off away from such a man.

I've had to send back meals being a vegetarian and the order has been wrong. I certainly wouldn't ask my DH to 'back me up' if there was a back and forth with the waitress and definitely wouldn't reduce him to tears and threaten to leave him over this!

If he can't navigate this minor issue without a tantrum then what hope is there for the bigger things in life!

I think OP issue resonates with so many of us who have been in abusive relationships-that belittling in public, making a big deal out of nothing, and threats to leave the relationship. It's about power and control.

Thank you - I have always been a crier and cry at everything, even when I'm happy! So having someone berate me for 20 mins in public was definitely something I would cry about. It was a horrible situation and I won't be made to feel ashamed for getting upset. Anyone who wouldn't get upset at that, then great, good for you! But people react to things differently.

DP was absolutely fuming saying even if I couldn't remember, I should have lied and said that I did and he kept repeating "Don't you know I don't like mushrooms?" After about 20 mins of being in a strop, he said that he would now have to reconsider the relationship as he doesn't want to be with someone who 'doesn't have his back'
Like the emotional wreck that I am, I began crying at the table and he told me to stop because I was embarrassing him.

So after directing an angry tirade at you for 20 minutes, you naturally get upset. Then he gets angry at you because his behaviour was upsetting.You need to dump this creep with anger issues.

You might find you are less of a crier when you are not in an emotionally abusive relationship.
I was with an ex who would call me 'emotional' because I often cried. Having been with my husband now for 11 years and only having cried due to arguments a handful of times I can plainly see that I cried all the time with my ex because he was an absolute underhand emotional terrorist. He'd say the most outrageous stuff in a calm voice then demand to know why I was upset?
He once broke up with me, telling me he didnt love me and never had, after we'd just signed a six month contract on a flat I could never afford on my own.. in the morning of a day we had to visit his family. He went about the day as though nothing had happened and then berated me in the evening for "looking moody"
On another occasion we were on a cruise with his family and we woke in the morning in our cabin and he ranted at me about what a horrible person I was embarrassing myself flirting with everyone. Then he went through the day cheery as anything like nothing had happened and again in the evening ranted at me about how miserable and emotional I was.
It's abuse. You don't see it at the time. It's meant to undermine all your emotional reactions so you feel like you are the one who is unstable and he's doing nothing wrong ever.
Please try and leave this man. It's so draining I swear to God even though the breakup will hurt you, after about 6 months out of it you will feel like you suddenly wake up and come back to life.

I’m wondering how the ‘We proudly lie for each other!’ family copes when one family member is lying to another 🤔

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
You can do better than this. He is abusive and has chiselled away at your confidence too. End this relationship as it will only get worse.
Remember it’s not you it’s him

He has picked you, because he thinks you won't stand up to him, will just echo back whatever he wants to hear.

Dump. Sorry he wasted your time, energy and emotions.

BTW - I'm a cryer too, I think sometimes emotionally abusive people like a cryer, your tears release their emotions, they ve got the upper hand, and can blame the distress on your emotions not their actions.

If it hadn't been the mushrooms it would have been something else.

You'll find yourself less prone to crying when you separate yourself from the person who enjoys having power over making you cry.

Haha, that's pretty bad! I guess at least he was nice to the staff. But still, what is wrong with some blokes?! 🤣

Get out QUICK and

Go,go,go.

Not to be one of them people but he sounds abusive asf I've been in many and it starts little ends up huge leave him

How old are you op and how long have you been together?

Would not have mushroom in my life for this person

Nowhere does it say he was nasty to the waitress and personally I don't think there should've been any "back and forth". If he said he asked for no mushrooms then most establishments would accept it and replace the meal. What if he had an allergy? Few places would take that risk these days. Sounds like the waitress needed more customer service training. As for the situation with his partner, I agree he was an insufferable bully and she should leave him before he damages her self esteem (or worse) any further.

Sounds like a right cock, bin him and get a real man, you should never lie, simple as that.