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Original poster

DP wants to end relationship over misunderstanding with waitress

642 replies

Butterfly75756 · 12/03/2025 19:42

Went out for a meal with DP and all was going well. That was, until the mains arrived, and DP was adamant he had ordered his meal without mushrooms, yet his food had arrived containing them. A bit of a back and forth started between him and the waitress, who was saying DP definitely didn't ask for no mushrooms.

DP then turns to me and says something along the lines of, "Tell her I ordered no mushrooms". I immediately felt embarrassed and mumbled, "I can't remember". I hate confrontation and I genuinely couldn't remember.

The waitress eventually took the food back to go and fix the apparent mistake and DP was absolutely fuming saying even if I couldn't remember, I should have lied and said that I did and he kept repeating "Don't you know I don't like mushrooms?" After about 20 mins of being in a strop, he said that he would now have to reconsider the relationship as he doesn't want to be with someone who 'doesn't have his back'

Like the emotional wreck that I am, I began crying at the table and he told me to stop because I was embarrassing him.

So my question is, was I wrong to say I couldn't remember or should I have lied?

OP posts:
StandFirm · 13/03/2025 07:19

Butterfly75756 · 12/03/2025 19:42

Went out for a meal with DP and all was going well. That was, until the mains arrived, and DP was adamant he had ordered his meal without mushrooms, yet his food had arrived containing them. A bit of a back and forth started between him and the waitress, who was saying DP definitely didn't ask for no mushrooms.

DP then turns to me and says something along the lines of, "Tell her I ordered no mushrooms". I immediately felt embarrassed and mumbled, "I can't remember". I hate confrontation and I genuinely couldn't remember.

The waitress eventually took the food back to go and fix the apparent mistake and DP was absolutely fuming saying even if I couldn't remember, I should have lied and said that I did and he kept repeating "Don't you know I don't like mushrooms?" After about 20 mins of being in a strop, he said that he would now have to reconsider the relationship as he doesn't want to be with someone who 'doesn't have his back'

Like the emotional wreck that I am, I began crying at the table and he told me to stop because I was embarrassing him.

So my question is, was I wrong to say I couldn't remember or should I have lied?

He acted like a bully on that night. You are not his mouthpiece and there is never any good reason to drive someone to an emotional meltdown. Doesn't he know you (and the rest of humanity) don't like being berated in public?

ASimpleLampoon · 13/03/2025 07:19

BettyBardMacDonald · 13/03/2025 01:18

I would be irritated if someone didn't have my back in my those circumstances. What would it have cost to say "i believe he ordered it without mushrooms; he dislikes mushrooms." Instead of dithering and making him look like a fool.

He needs no help looking like a fool

Deathraystare · 13/03/2025 07:25

Hewasn

Deathraystare · 13/03/2025 07:26

Hewasntvenasking

MellowCritic · 13/03/2025 07:26

Op he's not going to leave you. He's just being at best immature but at worse abusive. Based on another post you made my money is more on the abusive side. I think its time you sat down and had a talk with him and call him out on it and actually if he doesn't address his behaviour then you're the one who might be leaving.

EmeraldDreams73 · 13/03/2025 07:26

Good grief. He's a twat. What about YOUR choices here? Never mind what he might want. Get out now.

Deathraystare · 13/03/2025 07:28
Deathraystare · 13/03/2025 07:28

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

MellowCritic · 13/03/2025 07:32

savethatkitty · 12/03/2025 21:58

Christ, why were you crying?

He sounds like a right knob but you need to get a grip.

Ops already dealing with a fool who talks down to her she doesn't need you on here doing the same. Seriously I think the same question needs to be directed back at you. What the flip has crying got to do with getting a grip. PPL DONT NEED PERMISSION TO CRY.

Dumbdog · 13/03/2025 07:32

BettyBardMacDonald · 13/03/2025 01:18

I would be irritated if someone didn't have my back in my those circumstances. What would it have cost to say "i believe he ordered it without mushrooms; he dislikes mushrooms." Instead of dithering and making him look like a fool.

She didn’t believe that. Why should someone compromise their principles and lie because some loser wants back up berating a waitress?

The only person making him look like a fool is him.

MontyDonsBlueScarf · 13/03/2025 07:33

Hold on a minute - we don't know for sure whether or not the mushrooms were mentioned when he ordered. Both he and the waitress were in the wrong for making a big scene of it but he wasn't wrong if he expected to get what he ordered.

What's wrong with the truth? - I'm sorry I wasn't paying attention when you ordered but I know you hate mushrooms so you'd never knowingly order them.

passthebiscuittins · 13/03/2025 07:33

Sounds like a terrible restaurant to be arguing with customers over what they ordered. They should have just sorted it straight away and brought out a new dish.

Did he order without mushrooms? If he did they you should have had his back. If he didn't, he's being a massive prick.

Bitofanchange · 13/03/2025 07:38

passthebiscuittins · 13/03/2025 07:33

Sounds like a terrible restaurant to be arguing with customers over what they ordered. They should have just sorted it straight away and brought out a new dish.

Did he order without mushrooms? If he did they you should have had his back. If he didn't, he's being a massive prick.

Did you miss the point of the thread?

OP doesn’t know if he did or not?

🤦‍♀️!

Iamnotabot · 13/03/2025 07:39

I guess if someone bought me the wrong order I’d want it taken back and if the waitress argued I’d argue back. So I don’t know that’s evidence of emotional abuse.
And if you know your husband doesn’t like mushrooms then why would you think he might have ordered them?

That said no-one likes being put on the spot or dragged into an argument.

RollerSkateLikePeggy · 13/03/2025 07:40

Interesting range of reactions to this post. For me, honesty is an important quality in every instance, and works as a metric for how compatible I am with someone. Do they say something if they are given too much change? Would they be truthful on a tax return? I don't mean that they should be bluntly honest ("does my bum look big in this?" "Yes, huge") but have enough emotional intelligence to be diplomatic without lying. A man berating you to tears for not lying for him would instantly put me off him, and I would rather be single.

itsgettingweird · 13/03/2025 07:42

The only thing you did wrong is to date the twat!

Now you know how he will treat you going forward cut your losses and run.

oakleaffy · 13/03/2025 07:47

Not mush room in your life for this moody man.

Bitofanchange · 13/03/2025 07:48

Iamnotabot · 13/03/2025 07:39

I guess if someone bought me the wrong order I’d want it taken back and if the waitress argued I’d argue back. So I don’t know that’s evidence of emotional abuse.
And if you know your husband doesn’t like mushrooms then why would you think he might have ordered them?

That said no-one likes being put on the spot or dragged into an argument.

Edited

The point isn’t that he ordered mushrooms, it’s did he ask for no mushrooms on a dish that contained mushrooms.

i agree I would never actually order beetroot ( my food hate), but I might order a dish that contains it and ask for it to be removed.

Did he actually ask for them to be removed, who knows, OP didn’t know.

LadyBracknellsHandbagg · 13/03/2025 07:50

Butterfly75756 · 12/03/2025 19:42

Went out for a meal with DP and all was going well. That was, until the mains arrived, and DP was adamant he had ordered his meal without mushrooms, yet his food had arrived containing them. A bit of a back and forth started between him and the waitress, who was saying DP definitely didn't ask for no mushrooms.

DP then turns to me and says something along the lines of, "Tell her I ordered no mushrooms". I immediately felt embarrassed and mumbled, "I can't remember". I hate confrontation and I genuinely couldn't remember.

The waitress eventually took the food back to go and fix the apparent mistake and DP was absolutely fuming saying even if I couldn't remember, I should have lied and said that I did and he kept repeating "Don't you know I don't like mushrooms?" After about 20 mins of being in a strop, he said that he would now have to reconsider the relationship as he doesn't want to be with someone who 'doesn't have his back'

Like the emotional wreck that I am, I began crying at the table and he told me to stop because I was embarrassing him.

So my question is, was I wrong to say I couldn't remember or should I have lied?

Run for the hills, immediately.

GabriellaMontez · 13/03/2025 07:55

I hope he follows through on his threat and you never have to endure another meal with this man.

Your reaction (crying at the table) makes me think you're at your wits end with him.

What else makes you think you're in an abusive relationship?

dogcatkitten · 13/03/2025 07:58

Mistakes happen, if that's his response to something quite trivial I wouldn't want to deal with him on serious things. A big red flag, I would be on egg shells everywhere you go, not worth the hassle.

DubheYouCantBeSirius · 13/03/2025 08:05

BettyBardMacDonald · 13/03/2025 01:18

I would be irritated if someone didn't have my back in my those circumstances. What would it have cost to say "i believe he ordered it without mushrooms; he dislikes mushrooms." Instead of dithering and making him look like a fool.

Because it would be a lie.

Why should she lie for him. I doubt he would lie for her.

I agree with a poster upthread. A decent human would have just not eaten the mushrooms, the end. Making a song and dance about it is ridiculous given the plate would come back minus the mushrooms but without any replacement vegetable (apart from the contents of the waitresses nostril).

How do these Pollyanna men get through life and what about when things get really hard? Thinks like death, disease and divorce. Things where a mushroom or three would bring a little light relief?

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 13/03/2025 08:05

FiveShelties · 12/03/2025 20:53

So my question is, was I wrong to say I couldn't remember or should I have lied?

My question would have been 'how quickly can I get away from this idiot'.

Absolutely agree with the above.

A relative's partner was like this. He spoke with such authority that no one ever contradicted to him. Whoever was lowest in the pecking order at the time was effectively treated like "the waitress." Unbearable.

I can imagine it felt humiliating to be part of the public scene he was creating. From your post it sounds like your immediate concern was to placate him to make him calm down and stop, but you stood your ground when being asked to lie on his behalf.
It occured to me that him asking you to lie for him, was revealing. The truth doesn't matter to him. He had to win at all costs. I'm betting he's already told you loads of whoppers. And not even about important things.

From your posts, it sounds that you've been constantly scolded into apologising, even when its not your fault.

And he is always, always right - even when he isn't.

You don't have to put up with it.

forgotmyusername1 · 13/03/2025 08:19

So those saying- she should have just agreed with him and had his back regardless of whether he was lying- does that apply in all circumstances?

Knock on the door from the police- we are coming to speak to your partner about an assault. Where were you this evening sir - I was here all night officer. Ask my partner - she will confirm won't you darling

Damnloginpopup · 13/03/2025 08:27

Bullying cunt.