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Original poster

DP wants to end relationship over misunderstanding with waitress

642 replies

Butterfly75756 · 12/03/2025 19:42

Went out for a meal with DP and all was going well. That was, until the mains arrived, and DP was adamant he had ordered his meal without mushrooms, yet his food had arrived containing them. A bit of a back and forth started between him and the waitress, who was saying DP definitely didn't ask for no mushrooms.

DP then turns to me and says something along the lines of, "Tell her I ordered no mushrooms". I immediately felt embarrassed and mumbled, "I can't remember". I hate confrontation and I genuinely couldn't remember.

The waitress eventually took the food back to go and fix the apparent mistake and DP was absolutely fuming saying even if I couldn't remember, I should have lied and said that I did and he kept repeating "Don't you know I don't like mushrooms?" After about 20 mins of being in a strop, he said that he would now have to reconsider the relationship as he doesn't want to be with someone who 'doesn't have his back'

Like the emotional wreck that I am, I began crying at the table and he told me to stop because I was embarrassing him.

So my question is, was I wrong to say I couldn't remember or should I have lied?

OP posts:
GiddyCrab · 13/03/2025 00:13

SwedishEdith · 12/03/2025 19:45

An adult man would have said "Ah, don't worry, I'll just pick them out".

Correct.
You can do better than this man-child OP.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 13/03/2025 00:16

He is a bully. You can do so much better.

Jumpingthruhoops · 13/03/2025 00:44

Butterfly75756 · 12/03/2025 19:42

Went out for a meal with DP and all was going well. That was, until the mains arrived, and DP was adamant he had ordered his meal without mushrooms, yet his food had arrived containing them. A bit of a back and forth started between him and the waitress, who was saying DP definitely didn't ask for no mushrooms.

DP then turns to me and says something along the lines of, "Tell her I ordered no mushrooms". I immediately felt embarrassed and mumbled, "I can't remember". I hate confrontation and I genuinely couldn't remember.

The waitress eventually took the food back to go and fix the apparent mistake and DP was absolutely fuming saying even if I couldn't remember, I should have lied and said that I did and he kept repeating "Don't you know I don't like mushrooms?" After about 20 mins of being in a strop, he said that he would now have to reconsider the relationship as he doesn't want to be with someone who 'doesn't have his back'

Like the emotional wreck that I am, I began crying at the table and he told me to stop because I was embarrassing him.

So my question is, was I wrong to say I couldn't remember or should I have lied?

And I'd be 'reconsidering a relationship' with a guy that has a meltdown over mushrooms!!

JFDIYOLO · 13/03/2025 01:06

How long have you been with him?

Do you actually live together?

Think back. There will have been other moments like this, won't there.

DisabledDemon · 13/03/2025 01:10

Good God, what a spoiled brat. Dump this twit and let someone else indulge his ridiculous demands. He's horrible to you and he's horrible to the waiting staff - honestly, does he have a single redeeming feature? I think we'd have to say no and that means goodbye.

DisabledDemon · 13/03/2025 01:15

Jumpingthruhoops · 13/03/2025 00:44

And I'd be 'reconsidering a relationship' with a guy that has a meltdown over mushrooms!!

Show quote history

Also, if someone is so unkind and happy to humiliate you in public, you definitely need to be dumping him. Never mind him considering whether he should be in a relationship with you - get in first and ditch him. He won't like that and you can have the satisfaction of kicking him into touch.

BettyBardMacDonald · 13/03/2025 01:18

I would be irritated if someone didn't have my back in my those circumstances. What would it have cost to say "i believe he ordered it without mushrooms; he dislikes mushrooms." Instead of dithering and making him look like a fool.

BettyBardMacDonald · 13/03/2025 01:19

SwedishEdith · 12/03/2025 19:45

An adult man would have said "Ah, don't worry, I'll just pick them out".

No.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 13/03/2025 01:22

Butterfly75756 · 12/03/2025 23:05

Overwhelmed with the response on this thread! Thanks everyone. Some pp's have mentioned he sounds emotionally abusive - I have wondered for a while if I am in an emotionally abusive relationship, but I always come up with excuses and convince myself I'm the one in the wrong. Then I end up apologising. Sometimes just to keep the peace, not because I've actually done anything wrong. I don't know why I do this. I used to be so confident and sure of myself. You have all inspired me to find that person again. Thank you ❤️

Would you like to give us a couple of examples of behaviour that may be emotionally abusive in the relationship? Then you could get our opinion. Just might help you with any decision making regarding this relationship, if you feel the mushroom debacle isn't enough of a reason for you to end things.

CalicoPusscat · 13/03/2025 01:28

Depends really if you knew if he didn't like mushrooms or not. If you knew that you could have been diplomatic and said so.

But regardless of that he's horribly stroppy and you don't want to be on edge around someone like that.

Bitofanchange · 13/03/2025 01:57

BettyBardMacDonald · 13/03/2025 01:18

I would be irritated if someone didn't have my back in my those circumstances. What would it have cost to say "i believe he ordered it without mushrooms; he dislikes mushrooms." Instead of dithering and making him look like a fool.

You act like a fool, you’ll look like a fool.

Bigcat25 · 13/03/2025 02:16

BettyBardMacDonald · 13/03/2025 01:18

I would be irritated if someone didn't have my back in my those circumstances. What would it have cost to say "i believe he ordered it without mushrooms; he dislikes mushrooms." Instead of dithering and making him look like a fool.

That's wild. You would make the waitress thing she made a mistake, and get her in trouble with the kitchen and management? Nothing wrong with saying you didn't notice. He's a moron if it came with mushrooms and failed to request it with none.

A good person wouldn't do what you suggest.

Miaowzabella · 13/03/2025 03:26

BettyBardMacDonald · 13/03/2025 01:18

I would be irritated if someone didn't have my back in my those circumstances. What would it have cost to say "i believe he ordered it without mushrooms; he dislikes mushrooms." Instead of dithering and making him look like a fool.

There is no obligation to back up someone who is wrong, even about something minor.

Semiramide · 13/03/2025 04:52

- I have wondered for a while if I am in an emotionally abusive relationship, but I always come up with excuses and convince myself I'm the one in the wrong. Then I end up apologising. Sometimes just to keep the peace, not because I've actually done anything wrong. I don't know why I do this. I used to be so confident and sure of myself. You have all inspired me to find that person again.

A couple of books that might help you find that person again, @Butterfly75756 :

Women Who Love Too Much
The Six Pillars of Self Esteem

WiddlinDiddlin · 13/03/2025 04:55

No the question is 'why am I tolerating abuse from a nasty little fuck who is vile to all around him'.

Dump him, you do not need a person like this in your life.

A normal person would say 'oh, I thought I'd asked to leave the mushrooms off' and a sensible waitress would say 'im so sorry about that sir I'll get it sorted' and that would have been the end of the issue.

If he simply doesn't like them, he could just have not eaten them (as opposed to being allergic to them which would mean a totally new meal of course), lots of people would have done that too.

He chose to go on the offensive, and then drag you in. He likes making people feel like shit, you particularly.

juststrutting · 13/03/2025 05:20

WiddlinDiddlin · 13/03/2025 04:55

No the question is 'why am I tolerating abuse from a nasty little fuck who is vile to all around him'.

Dump him, you do not need a person like this in your life.

A normal person would say 'oh, I thought I'd asked to leave the mushrooms off' and a sensible waitress would say 'im so sorry about that sir I'll get it sorted' and that would have been the end of the issue.

If he simply doesn't like them, he could just have not eaten them (as opposed to being allergic to them which would mean a totally new meal of course), lots of people would have done that too.

He chose to go on the offensive, and then drag you in. He likes making people feel like shit, you particularly.

This. Sounds like he is looking for an excuse to end things …

WillIEverBeOk · 13/03/2025 05:57

Take him at his word, tell him you're ending the relationship as you realise you can do better than an abusive man. He is absolute garbage! How dare he speak to you like that. All over mushrooms? He's unhinged! You can do much better than this fool. Walk away, hold your head up high, and don't let him back when he comes crawling.

Newfoundzestforlife · 13/03/2025 06:00

Wow....He made a massive scene over some bloody mushrooms, but you were embarrassing HIM??
You were not in the wrong at all, he's an overreactive bully.

Theextraordinaryisintheordinary · 13/03/2025 06:20

Your precious life does not have mush room for a dick like that! Bin him, he’s abusive. Find yourself a fun-gai.

I worked in restaurants as a student. It’s not advisable to be rude or patronising to staff as you never know what happens to your food in the kitchen. Manners always.

AlteredStater · 13/03/2025 06:25

You're not wrong for telling the truth! Mushrooms are not something to make such a big deal out of, he needs to re-think his attitude towards you. I suspect he didn't mention them and is taking that out on you. Any embarrassment that occurred was totally on him.

moose62 · 13/03/2025 06:35

If he made a huge scene over a few mushrooms and it caused you to cry and beg, you really should dump him and move on. There is far more to this than mushrooms and if it has made you so emotionally fragile it is not worth clinging on to.

BelloItalia · 13/03/2025 06:42

Butterfly75756 · 12/03/2025 19:42

Went out for a meal with DP and all was going well. That was, until the mains arrived, and DP was adamant he had ordered his meal without mushrooms, yet his food had arrived containing them. A bit of a back and forth started between him and the waitress, who was saying DP definitely didn't ask for no mushrooms.

DP then turns to me and says something along the lines of, "Tell her I ordered no mushrooms". I immediately felt embarrassed and mumbled, "I can't remember". I hate confrontation and I genuinely couldn't remember.

The waitress eventually took the food back to go and fix the apparent mistake and DP was absolutely fuming saying even if I couldn't remember, I should have lied and said that I did and he kept repeating "Don't you know I don't like mushrooms?" After about 20 mins of being in a strop, he said that he would now have to reconsider the relationship as he doesn't want to be with someone who 'doesn't have his back'

Like the emotional wreck that I am, I began crying at the table and he told me to stop because I was embarrassing him.

So my question is, was I wrong to say I couldn't remember or should I have lied?

He sounds like an abusive controlling arsehole OP. I wouldn’t have lied either. First it’s lying about mushrooms, next it’s providing false alibis to the police. Slippery slope

forgotmyusername1 · 13/03/2025 06:50

BobbyBiscuits · 12/03/2025 19:52

Is he allergic to mushrooms?
Does he have an eating disorder?
Is he five?

If none of the above he's clearly a dick. But the waiter should've just immediately apologised and switched it, rather than seemingly spending ages questioning the customer, to the point he's now going to divorce his partner over the subject?!

That'll make an interesting Tripadvisor review.

I saw a Facebook video yesterday (and yes I know it is clickbait) of someone asking why there was chicken in her meal and how dare they serve chicken to someone who is vegan. The answer from the staff - why did you order a chicken dish and you didn't tell us you were vegan. The customer - you didn't ask if I was vegan. - sometimes the customer isn't always right, sometimes the customer is a nob.

AMurderofMurderingCrows · 13/03/2025 07:11

Dump this man, block him and never look back. He's a disgrace of a human.

ASimpleLampoon · 13/03/2025 07:16

So what if she did make a mistake (She didn't and he's a bully). Doesn't mean he should behave like a cunt. He can ask politely.

leave him.