DP wants to end relationship over misunderstanding with waitress

[Butterfly75756]

Went out for a meal with DP and all was going well. That was, until the mains arrived, and DP was adamant he had ordered his meal without mushrooms, yet his food had arrived containing them. A bit of a back and forth started between him and the waitress, who was saying DP definitely didn't ask for no mushrooms.

DP then turns to me and says something along the lines of, "Tell her I ordered no mushrooms". I immediately felt embarrassed and mumbled, "I can't remember". I hate confrontation and I genuinely couldn't remember.

The waitress eventually took the food back to go and fix the apparent mistake and DP was absolutely fuming saying even if I couldn't remember, I should have lied and said that I did and he kept repeating "Don't you know I don't like mushrooms?" After about 20 mins of being in a strop, he said that he would now have to reconsider the relationship as he doesn't want to be with someone who 'doesn't have his back'

Like the emotional wreck that I am, I began crying at the table and he told me to stop because I was embarrassing him.

So my question is, was I wrong to say I couldn't remember or should I have lied?

solid underused insult.

Excellent!!

I’d be sending him back op , never mind the mushrooms!

Typical. Husband is probably having affairs all over the place but you don’t believe him because he tells you that all the other women are lying 🙄

He sounds a bit of a shiit (ake)

He’s being unreasonable for requesting no mushrooms for a start. Mushrooms are 🤤

No you weren’t wrong and he sounds abusive.

Off topic here but mushrooms are truly hated by the haters. Most divisive kingdom.

Here here, described perfectly.

DP wants to end relationship over misunderstanding with waitress
Then let him.
Anything else just allows him to manipulate you so you believe you are in the wrong and has you begging him not to. Stop that pattern now OP

All the rest of the thread is just noise. He's not worthy of you

He sounds utterly charmless.

No, you shouldn’t lie to make him look like less of a dickhead.

Yes dear I’m sure he listens to you

You know the answer, right? You know you shouldn't have lied in order to convince the waitress she'd made a mistake. No decent man would ever kick off in that way in the first place, let alone threaten you with a break up afterwards. Dump him instead, and spend your one precious life with nice people around you.

I have to deal with dicks like this all the time.

Google "The Waiteress Test". He FAILED. He is not a person you should be in a relationship with. When he tried to bully the waitress and when she argued back and you didnt agree with him, he bullied you.

1. He's rude to people in service roles
2. He lacks humility he could have forgotten to ask for it to be made without mushrooms
3. He lacks grace if he genuinely believes the waitress was mistaken
4. He's put you in an awkward situation by pulling you into prove he's right
5. He feels entitled to you lying for him even
6. When you are upset he isn't concerned for your feelings, you are just an annoyance
7. He's happy to make you feel insecure about the relationship by bringing up the spectre of breaking up over you being honest to a waitress instead of blindly lying for him because he thought you should.

He's arrogant, entitled and doesn't give a shit about your feelings. Even if he's not an overall bad egg it doesn't sound like you are very compatible if he's the sort of person whose ego needs to be right and makes a bigger confrontation of things than they need to be whilst you are mortified that he's being rude and confrontational and end up in tears and then he's scathing of you rather than comforting or considerate.

This isn't someone who is going to "have your back" if you get a health problem or have a sleep-deprived miscommunication post-partum, he wants to be right all the time, and expects you to agree with him. He'll be ultra-critical of any human errors on your part that he can use to make himself look superior and may well gas light you even when he's the one in the wrong.

"If you want to know what a man's like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals." - J. K. Rowling (Sirius Black)

And who he considers inferior is illuminating too - women, girlfriend, waitress.

I trust you’re getting rid, yes?

How awful for you. I would have said I no longer want to be in a relationship with a prick who has a meltdown over mushrooms.

Agree. To some people mushrooms produce an aversion similar to those like me who find coriander revolting. If I ask for no coriander in my food & I bite into it,once I have stopped retching I'm not going to sit back & smile sweetly at the waiter who served me the offending food. I wouldn't be rude but they'd definitely be informed I wasn't happy about it given my request.

Anyone who throws a strop over something trivial like this then blames first the waitress and then you is not worth your time. I don't think the relationship should continue but you should be the one to ditch him. He sounds horrible.

I should add that the reason the Waiter/Waitress test is so important is that this is exactly how they will treat you eventually.

So say you have kids and no longer working and contributing financially.....you are inferior so you will get the same treatment as the waitress. I know a lot of people say that a coffee date is the best way to meet someone for a first date, I will always go for dinner because of this very reason.

@GryffindorsSword has really nailed it. Thank you for your great post.

He sounds very unreasonable. I imagine this was the culmination of events.

What if the person has an allergy to mushrooms. I don't agree with the reaction towards the OP but it shouldn't be underestimated how stressful it is if you have an allergy or a genuine aversion to certain foods like coriander & it turns up on your plate.

If I forgot a conversation I had with someone 5 minutes later I would be worried.

Other adults at my table conveying their orders directly to a waiter is not me having a conversation and I don't make a point of listening, particularly if we had already discussed what we planned to order between us and I've already given my own order to the waiter. I also don't remember the coffee orders of the people in front of or behind me in line this morning.

I think that OP has left the building. I hope she makes right decision. 😔