AIBU - Friend has 'stolen' party idea

[Homer28]

Hi,
As a family we often go to an adventure centre/party place around 75 mins drive from our home town so not local and never been invited to a party there before. Last year we did a party there at the centres waterpark for my daughters 10th birthday.

This same venue, which throws excellent parties and has lots of party options from bowling to waterpark etc and also has an aerial assault course but it has an age/height limit. My daughter has said for a couple of years that when everyone is 10/11+ she will do a party there as its cool/scary.

This year in December (party isn't until June) she asked if she could have her party there in June. Her dad was concerned that in theory its a brilliant day out but that people may be afraid of the heights/parents may be hesitant and it could not be as exciting as shes thinks.
I text another parent of two of her friends for a second opinion and she thought it was a cool idea (wasn't aware this existed) and her kids would love to go!.

Cue this month when she tells me she is booking this for her daughters party in April. I gently suggested that the two girls having the same party might be an issue as its important at 10 to have the 'cool' party and they like to put an individual stamp on it and the parties will only be 8 weeks apart. She disagrees and thinks a party venue is open to all kids who wish to have their parties there.

I was pre empting the upset from my 10 year old who laments that shell be chastised by the class for 'copying' the first birthday girl and it takes the shine off her idea which has been brewing for a while.

AIBU to be annoyed?

YABU - You don't own a party idea!
YANBU - Its not cool to hear an idea from a friend and pip them to the post on it.

You are being ridiculous

Surely, this is the child equivalent of you mentioning where you want to get married, somewhere a bit cool and different, and your friend sneaking in there and booking their wedding there 2 months ahead of yours. Of course it’s annoying. Probably more so because “copying” is a big deal when you’re 12.

YANBU

OP I agree with you. It’s the principle that you told your friend about the venue that she wouldn’t have booked and she has basically pipped you to the post and now you’ve got an upset child. I would be really annoyed and would actually question my friendship with this other mum.
I would probably look at an alternative venue to have my daughters party and distance myself from them over the coming months.

YANBU to be upset

YABU for talking about it to said friend about it, although I fully get you should not have to keep things like this a secret.

I never share fun/cool ideas with other school mums usually for this exact reason. Too many examples to mention.

As for your DD, she’s old enough to know that sometimes it better to keep things to herself, explain you didn’t expect the other mum to use her party idea and you’ve learnt your lesson. It sucks, but sometimes we have to suck unfair things up.

p.s the woman isn’t your friend, expect her to drop you like a led balloon when your DDs go to highschool.

A high ropes course for a group of children might go well... but has a good chance of being awful. Only needs one to rediscover an uncontrollable fear of heights midway round and completely shut down. So discussing it with friends was sensible idea.

Of course your DD is disappointed her friend has stepped on her toes with this one. And if I were the other parent it's not what I'd have done.

I was interested to see the reply to this but I don’t think it has arrived yet.

The same poster has posted a comment again missing the point about not being able to repeat parties or something which is NOT the point of the thread.

Is it? You hopefully only get married once but kids have birthday parties every year.

Even then, unless we're talking about something completely out there, it really isn't likely to be that different just as a high ropes course type thing isn't that unusual either.

I remember when my dcs were young their friends' big birthday parties seem to be held in the same few places or hired the same entertainer in the same hall. It was like Groundhog day every other month or so.

The dc's birthdays are far apart enough, so they won't mind surely, especially if they enjoy in the first time. It would mean they have a reason to go twice.

YANBU

YABU. I get why you’re a bit miffed because this lady hasn’t known about the place before you told her. But had she found out another way and booked you’d still be annoyed because you say the kids would want different parties

that is just not true

when mine were younger, certain children’s entertainers seemed to be doing the rounds. The kids lived them so parents would book after seeing them at another party

for my son, it were football parties once the new issue centre opened up. One person had this party, then it was as though that whole year every boy had his party there.

Sane thing happened with pool parties and then paintball as soon as they were old enough.

all the kids will have fun and that is what is important about the party for your daughter. This will happen more often than you know so very kindly say, get over it.

Kids are all different but the scenario is that my child wants to do something different otherwise I would be booking last months entertainer.

She would have been disappointed if someone else had booked it without my input and I would have been disappointed for her in that instance also BUT I wouldn’t have any feelings of anger at another parent who randomly booked the same party at my DD, it wouldn’t make sense for me to be hurt in that scenario.

The same points are being made over and over on this thread which are along the line of:

1. ‘ANYONE could have booked this party’ - Yes but it changes the AIBU in my opinion. This is about how I feel my friend has behaved and lots of people get that.

2. ‘Kids don’t care they just want to have FUN and never complain or have complex emotions’ - Kids are all different. My daughter wanted to do something different. Maybe she does like being the centre of attention (she is an enthusiastic drama student) but the crux of this is that she was upset, she did care about it so people saying kids don’t care about this, it’s the adults, aren’t making any sense. I do note that several posters have asked their own children if it would upset them to be told it would so there’s that.

😅

I’m having a crap day OP but your comment about being the Christopher Columbus of party venues has made me howl this morning 😂

With laughter, just to clarify 😄

I totally agree - can’t believe ppl are telling you you’re being unreasonable! Suspect it may be a bit of jealousy as they wouldn’t do that for their kids 10th.

If they haven’t sent their invites out I’d aim to do your party first or send invites out first. It may seem petty but there are dozens of other ideas out there she could have chosen from and it’s not like they’re 11 months apart!

Yes I think it’s pretty shit of the mum to use your idea - yeah of course it’s open to everyone but she hadn’t even thought of it before you said your daughter wanted to do
it. And yes 10 year olds are bothered about this sort of thing, a bday party is a big deal, especially if you celebrate milestones like 10, 16, 18 etc.

You’re not being a princess - she brought it up in a situation which put you on the spot and would have made it awkward for you to question it - then sent out invitations despite you raising your concern - not a friend - Thrown you and your DD under the bus - do not trust her going forward. Would she be laid back if roles were reversed?

I’m glad some positivity is coming off the back of this thread.

I have found it mainly entertaining. 😅

She said her and her DD would not be bothered one iota about this.

Its funny that they are so laid back and ‘unbothered’ and yet not laid back enough to pick a different party idea.

I think she is just making sure her DD has what she wants and thinks her child’s feelings are her priority and trumps friends feelings. I’ve seen many scenarios where she uses this logic and I get it but you won’t maintain very many successful friendships with school mums with this attitude in my experience - there should be a compromise.

Well, OP, you have consistently made out that this is some special party venue only you would know about because it's "70 minutes away" and you didn't take parents last time TO THE SAME VENUE
And then commented on how you made such an effort because you drove the kids there

So, ye, the point of the thread is "someone used the same venue as me" and you are coming across a bit "but I found this super special place and now I'm not getting the glory" even though these kids HAVE been to the venue before anyway

Lots of bowling alleys now have arcades and darts and other activities in. You could have 3 different parties in one venue. Someone will always be the first to introduce that venue even if they had a different party there.

Weren't you hoping to do that exact same thing? Perma dibsing a party so your kid be the "coolest" again? Why can't your kid compromise? Floating an idea months ago doesn't entitle you to exclusivity.

I was hoping to prioritise my DD if that’s what you mean by ‘exact same thing’. I’m not sure what you’re suggesting 100% here.

if something my DD was planning or doing was upsetting my friend and/or her DD I would give it pause for thought.

If my friend and her daughter told me about their party idea and I did then think about booking it and they said, ‘I think this will cause upset’ I would have changed to a different venue especially if I was very laid back (which I’m not, in case that’s not very very clear from this thread 😅).

Yes exactly. Send the invites now/Monday at school

Sorry you are a lost cause re: getting the point.

Just remember that kids age and grow... There will be kids who are not yet ten or of sufficient height in April who will be in June. You just have to make sure yours is more than just the activity.

That's the thing, you are both just trying to do what makes your daughters happy which is why I wouldn't fall out with her.

Haven't rtft.

You're being ridiculous. Party venues thrive on word of mouth.

At least it'll give you an idea about the level of interest in the event.