AIBU - Friend has 'stolen' party idea

[Homer28]

Hi,
As a family we often go to an adventure centre/party place around 75 mins drive from our home town so not local and never been invited to a party there before. Last year we did a party there at the centres waterpark for my daughters 10th birthday.

This same venue, which throws excellent parties and has lots of party options from bowling to waterpark etc and also has an aerial assault course but it has an age/height limit. My daughter has said for a couple of years that when everyone is 10/11+ she will do a party there as its cool/scary.

This year in December (party isn't until June) she asked if she could have her party there in June. Her dad was concerned that in theory its a brilliant day out but that people may be afraid of the heights/parents may be hesitant and it could not be as exciting as shes thinks.
I text another parent of two of her friends for a second opinion and she thought it was a cool idea (wasn't aware this existed) and her kids would love to go!.

Cue this month when she tells me she is booking this for her daughters party in April. I gently suggested that the two girls having the same party might be an issue as its important at 10 to have the 'cool' party and they like to put an individual stamp on it and the parties will only be 8 weeks apart. She disagrees and thinks a party venue is open to all kids who wish to have their parties there.

I was pre empting the upset from my 10 year old who laments that shell be chastised by the class for 'copying' the first birthday girl and it takes the shine off her idea which has been brewing for a while.

AIBU to be annoyed?

YABU - You don't own a party idea!
YANBU - Its not cool to hear an idea from a friend and pip them to the post on it.

My DD did care about this without any initial opinions from me.

Possibly kids are all different, just like adults who have differing perspectives on this situation?

OP l would be annoyed too. I future don't confide in her so that she doesn't copy any of your ideas.

This! 😂

Parties are for friends to get together and have fun. Not a competition. I would say this is absolutely, 100% a non issue. With kindness, could this be about social media and how it may look to everyone else? Baffled to understand this otherwise.

I can’t remember my kids ever being bothered about anything like this. Kids pick up on your vibe so don’t give it any attention or she’ll grow up to be too precious and be concerned about things that don’t matter. Tell her she’s lucky as she can go there twice! Encourage her to focus on the positives in life. Cup half full. Part time twice.

I agree with you 100% & I cannot understand this 75% of Contrary Mary’s

I think people often like to get on a high horse & lecture others, but as another poster said, it would be different if it was happening to them

Ofc you & DD are upset

Seriously. No one cares. Party venues are limited. These will be duplicated throughout the year. You're being silly

Or as OP herself has said, people are just different.

I got thinking back to my kids at primary school and actually I did remember that one child booked to go to Harry Potter studios. My daughter went. I think about 6 months later another child wanted to do the same (hadn’t gone with the first group) and there was some cross over with the invites. One of those children definitely turned down the invite as they didn’t want to do it again so it does happen. In this case they hadn’t stolen the idea but I could imagine it would have caused upset if they had!

I totally get it and I would be really annoyed too. You found a really cool venue, something very cool/different and she totally stole your idea, fully knowing you were booking that. Honestly I’d be fuming.

...and you sound "wet" so drip off, on your way now, be a good little girlie... the other parent is obviously being a sneaky sod who's happy to steal a friends idea simply because she was considerate enough to have asked her opinion about HER proposed party plans for HER DC - so yes, IMO it would really be a truly wonderful example of "Cosmic Karma" biting her hard in her two-faced arse if nobody enjoyed her stolen party idea " "The Sins of The Fathers... or Mothers in this case....." and all that..... 😈

Show us where she ever actually said anything even remotely similar to your "flight of fantasy" attempt at a put down?

This is more bonkers than the ' they've stolen out baby name idea threads '

We have a ' cool' place locally. Load of dcs mates have had parties there its not a competition

Stop being ridiculous, no child owns a party venue, does it really matter who has their party there first? Take it as a compliment.

I understand why you feel miffed. Do you think your friend would honestly not mind if the circumstances were reversed, despite what she says? Hope your DD has a lovely party.

No, I think she would be annoyed and is full of sh*t.

🙄🙄🙄

That is really mean of the other mum. She only found out about it as a venue as you told her about it. And she knows you were planning this for your own daughter. Not nice

When I was growing up I'm pretty sure all the parties were between about 5 locations:
Wacky Warehouse or similar
Cinema
Church hall
Sleepover/home
The boys would go to the football place

It'd have been hard if places couldn't repeat parties

Yanbu OP.

MN is the worst place for a nasty kicking, sorry you are getting one.
Harsh lesson to keep things close to your chest I guess.
As for the mother in question I wouldn't tell her the time of day going forward.
She is definitely not your friend.
Keep it strictly about the children's friendship.

I just asked my 12 year old and she said she’d be super upset. I think we all know no one owns a public party place but I would be surprised to have this happen without even a heads up. Of course we’ve all been to the same places multiple times but this is pretty specific.

I wouldn’t expect to be asked permission but a friendly text ‘my daughter won’t stop talking about x and we are going to book it for her party. I hope your daughter isn’t upset!’ Would At least have acknowledged that it’s not exactly obvious that a child wouldn’t be surprised by this.

I had been quite relaxed about it with your first post but then read on and got a bit annoyed on your behalf!

I've ironically become more annoyed as time has gone on but I think thats the result of all the abuse 😂.

Look at it like a practice run. The “scary” may end up outweighing the “cool”, therefore resulting in a dud party, in which case you dodge a particularly expensive and complicated bullet 🤷🏻‍♀️

I’d be secretly miffed too by the way. Unfortunately it’s just one of those things.

Yeah I think it has changed my opinion of her so there is some sort of 'grieving' the friendship sort of emotions going on there.

I did wonder if i was being completely OTT sensitive about it and she was a friend and hadn't done it in malice hence the thread..

The kicking has been hard to take but you go in to AIBU with your eyes wide open in that respect!.

OP, we went to two parties at the same venue a while ago and while it was the same party essentially, one was far better than the other.
One had all the bells and whistles you could ever want! And the other was ‘nice’.
So even though it’s the same place, the actual activity is only a small portion of the day from the sounds of it! So you can really ramp up the experience- you know this venue far better! And whatever doesn’t go well from their party- learn from it!
And most importantly keep ALL the extras a massive secret!
There must be some things the girls all adore that you could do for the party bags that would normally be ludicrous.
And while as adults this may not bother us, for 10 year old girls it would absolutely!
I hope your daughter has the best party! 🥳

I’m totally on your side OP. And no you’re not crazy. Pls don’t listen to all the so called perfect people who apparently wouldn’t care. Your supposed friend did a very shitty thing, and of course kids do care and your daughter is allowed to care and be upset. We’re allowed to be humans and not robots. That person isn’t a decent friend and I’d be really cheesed off and I’m pretty easy going. Good luck and I hope you figure out something great to do for your daughter’s double digit birthday. And also no it’s not your fault your dared to ask your fake friends opinion.