AIBU - Friend has 'stolen' party idea

[Homer28]

Hi,
As a family we often go to an adventure centre/party place around 75 mins drive from our home town so not local and never been invited to a party there before. Last year we did a party there at the centres waterpark for my daughters 10th birthday.

This same venue, which throws excellent parties and has lots of party options from bowling to waterpark etc and also has an aerial assault course but it has an age/height limit. My daughter has said for a couple of years that when everyone is 10/11+ she will do a party there as its cool/scary.

This year in December (party isn't until June) she asked if she could have her party there in June. Her dad was concerned that in theory its a brilliant day out but that people may be afraid of the heights/parents may be hesitant and it could not be as exciting as shes thinks.
I text another parent of two of her friends for a second opinion and she thought it was a cool idea (wasn't aware this existed) and her kids would love to go!.

Cue this month when she tells me she is booking this for her daughters party in April. I gently suggested that the two girls having the same party might be an issue as its important at 10 to have the 'cool' party and they like to put an individual stamp on it and the parties will only be 8 weeks apart. She disagrees and thinks a party venue is open to all kids who wish to have their parties there.

I was pre empting the upset from my 10 year old who laments that shell be chastised by the class for 'copying' the first birthday girl and it takes the shine off her idea which has been brewing for a while.

AIBU to be annoyed?

YABU - You don't own a party idea!
YANBU - Its not cool to hear an idea from a friend and pip them to the post on it.

You failed at your strop, which was clearly a strop as you quoted how many said you were unreasonable and only said you were leaving because people had pointed out your replies were definitely coming across as "my party was going to be so special and now it's ruined"

The point is ANY parent could have booked this same party because it's not some super exclusive club only you have access to.

It just doesn’t matter.

This isn’t about the children, this is about OP being annoyed that she isn’t going to get credit for this special, super cool place with super cool car rides that children will talk about.

Even though her daughter already had that experience last year.

id be pissed off taking my kid 70 mins (each way?) for a party and then doing the same thing again 8 weeks later?

pick something more convenient

I didn’t say that I was leaving because of people pointing out anything about my replies.

i said I was signing off (ie not continuing to reply to individual questions) so as not to keep the thread going and going and going as I thought the posters were becoming tired of:
a) The length of the thread
b) perhaps my replies trying to ‘explain’ my unreasonable behaviour. 1 in 4 agree with my feelings and 3 in 4 don’t so it isn’t wild to think how I’m thinking.

if people want the thread to crack on and have a healthy debate then we can do that but I think an environment where we are not firing insults at each other would be the environment to do that.

However unreasonable I am being, I am not a bad person and it’s hard to keep going and going with the insults and people telling you ‘why’ you are doing what your are doing.

i also signed off with a blow kiss to make sure no one thought I was mad AND thanked the reality check posted (not just those supporting me).

i think you making fun of me AND announcing I was leaving in a strop was unfair and unkind, but you do you.

Thank-you.
It keeps me sane during this thread to find ‘my people’.

I don’t know whether people are deliberately being obtuse with some of the points being made. 😅

It doesn’t piss me off though, I commute 60 mins each way for work.

i have no issue doing this once a year for a party 🎉

If your daughters birthday is in June the weather will likely be nicer. Maybe have a look at tree trekking and zip wire courses if she wanted to do sky climbing. Same thing but a bit different.

Its a good learning point for you and your daughter - keep good ideas close to your chest until you run with them. Dont worry about what other people will think. Just decide and run with it. You cant control what other people will do, think or say but you can control what you do, think and say. So in this case, your current options are to do something else, or do the same thing but better, with a twist. Maybe incorporate a dress up theme, or picnic after. Also you get to see what works at that party and what does not work so you get to improve on it ! look for the silver linings. Best of luck :)

Invite different kids?

I think your "friend" is being g a bit of a sneaky p, selfish git TzBH - with any luck the party will be crap and your daughter won't actually enjoy it or want to have her party there anyway..... 😈

I kind of have to invite my daughters closest friends.

I also like to invite back children that have had my DD at their own birthdays.

thanks for the idea though 😊

I get why you feel a little narked as it’s hard to think of ideas for parties and now this other person is running with it. But I wonder if it’s kinda a bit more about you and the cool
party rather than your child. I really don’t think the kids will be bothered at all. I did a big party last year for my 10 year old, first (and only!) time doing it. Kids had a blast. My friend helped me on the day and has asked for the numbers for the hall, entertainer, food and she’s planning to do exactly the same with the same class. The kids will love it and she nor I are fussed about it being the same.

And if you had decided to do this party and your friend helped you in advance with all of this stuff, so it was all booked and organised say, 3 months out and then she booked all the same stuff for the next month a couple of months before your birthday with same guest list - you wouldn’t have thought anything of it? Genuine question.

You sound lovely, from what I can understand from your post! It’s a child’s birthday party, you want it to be crap?

No, but it doesn’t mean you can’t be annoyed about it. I’m just trying to say that at the end of the day it really doesn’t matter as the kids will enjoy regardless.

Fair point and this is my friends point - she says it wouldn’t annoy her or her DD one iota and is baffled at my lunacy.

really is so helpful to see other people saying it wouldn’t annoy them with no agenda.

and also helpful to hear it WOULD annoy people 😝.

Honestly I'm questioning the people who say they would be ok with it, it really is just a bit of a shitty thing for the other parent to do. I think in reality most people would be miffed in your situation.

Nope, I really wouldn’t!

It doesn’t help my case or your point that your username is ‘dramatic’ lol

but thanks! 🥰🥰🥰

Prepare to get a roasting on here Op because you used the word ‘cool’. You’ll be accused of wanting to be cool yourself as people won’t read into it that your just trying to empathise with your 10 year old. I feel for you though. It was i the other mum. Not much you can do besides make it clear to all concerned on both days that it was your daughter’s wonderful idea all along and well done her for choosing something people now get to go to twice. That’s a fair enough thing to do and it will preempt any 10 year old sniping from others about her copying. You can say it all very nicely and make it less of a thing then than it needs to be.

Why are you questioning it? Several people have clearly said that they would be ok with it.

It's a place for parties, the other girl also wants a party there. The end.

Some years ago we had a birthday party with balloons tethered around the garden and bugger me (figuratively speaking) if someone I know didn't do a similar thing a few years later.
I was fuming.
In fact I went round and burst as many as I could before my sister caught me.

It is a venue that offers children's birthday party packages. They would not stay in business for too long if they were only allowed to organise one single birthday ever.

Oh please get over yourself! Since when has there been a need for the first cool party??? It's just about them having fun on their birthday, so they get to go twice, result!

Exactly! Kids don't care, unless parents have made a big deal about.