AIBU - Friend has 'stolen' party idea

[Homer28]

Hi,
As a family we often go to an adventure centre/party place around 75 mins drive from our home town so not local and never been invited to a party there before. Last year we did a party there at the centres waterpark for my daughters 10th birthday.

This same venue, which throws excellent parties and has lots of party options from bowling to waterpark etc and also has an aerial assault course but it has an age/height limit. My daughter has said for a couple of years that when everyone is 10/11+ she will do a party there as its cool/scary.

This year in December (party isn't until June) she asked if she could have her party there in June. Her dad was concerned that in theory its a brilliant day out but that people may be afraid of the heights/parents may be hesitant and it could not be as exciting as shes thinks.
I text another parent of two of her friends for a second opinion and she thought it was a cool idea (wasn't aware this existed) and her kids would love to go!.

Cue this month when she tells me she is booking this for her daughters party in April. I gently suggested that the two girls having the same party might be an issue as its important at 10 to have the 'cool' party and they like to put an individual stamp on it and the parties will only be 8 weeks apart. She disagrees and thinks a party venue is open to all kids who wish to have their parties there.

I was pre empting the upset from my 10 year old who laments that shell be chastised by the class for 'copying' the first birthday girl and it takes the shine off her idea which has been brewing for a while.

AIBU to be annoyed?

YABU - You don't own a party idea!
YANBU - Its not cool to hear an idea from a friend and pip them to the post on it.

She had her birthday at this places waterpark last year as they were too young for this second activity which is a roof sky climb type activity.

@Homer28 I do get it sometimes I feel other parents do it deliberately, I've had ideas stolen of me before and it does really annoy me. I've even had a friend steal my baby name before! That really really pissed me off! 🤣

But..
It's not even a new place. They went there last year to do a different activity. It's not some unique, special, new place.
It would have been entirely possible for other mums to have seen that this place does X, Y and Z parties too and have booked it for other children

But you had a party there last year. The "idea" was public a year ago! You really thought no other kid or parent would want to go again? How do you know the other kid didn't decide on her own that she wanted a party there?

Because the first parent told me that she told her child in December about the idea to check about the scary ness and they watched a video and that’s when her daughter fell in love with it and I know she’s never been to this venue and I was with them all (the kids) at the last party and we didn’t go to the sky climb section.

my daughter was at their house in February and was asked all sorts of details about the venue and party and whether she was still doing it by the adult and child in question.

I have had words with my friend about this and at no point did she say “whoa hold the phone Homer28, I seen this skyclimb last year and was always going to book it, the fact that you had the idea is purely coincidence” she has made no secret of where she got the idea from and doesn’t think it’s an issue.

Most parties amoung their peers are within a 15/20 min drive. Last year we did this venue with 2 cars which was unusual and the kids raved about getting the whole day out and we had good fun on the way down so I think that’s part of what the other parent wants for their child’s birthday.

So you admit it's all about being competitive...

and I think that’s the issue when it comes down to it, isn’t it? You’re put out that they might rave about her party but then might not rave about your daughters.

14 pages sheesh. Imagine getting this upset over a kids party.

Literally.

If I have my child’s 10th birthday party at Xscape doing snowboarding, then I say “well I’m going to do their 11th birthday at Xscape doing the climb wall” and another mum says “I have decided to also do my child’s party at Xscape, they have chosen the climb wall for theirs too” - how can I be mad about it? Sure it’s a different activity, but at the same location. Child was already there. Your child already had their dibs. Can’t have dibs for first party with every individual activity offered.

Where have I admitted it’s about being competitive?

For DD she wanted to do this activity for a couple of years and wanted to bring her friends for her birthday. She has some emotions about copying and teasing from classmates if she has the same party invitations out 2 weeks after the OG party which seem like valid 10 year old feelings.

My feelings are around feeling let down by a supposed close friend and I wonder if those feelings are outlandish.

I personally don’t care about out do-ing anyone but I can understand why it was nice for my 10 year old to have a really special/fun/talked about party last year.

In December, your kids birthday is in July. You're being ridiculous. You can't dibs somewhere you already took the other child for 7 months. Do your DD a favour and don't encourage competition like this.

I think it’s sneaky of them to be honest. And yes, the answer to all of these types of things is to be more secretive.

Your post above goes on about having the best party and taking the girls for the whole day and how you did more than the 'usual' party.

And now you are upset because you outdid everyone and now everyone else has kids wanting to do more because you decided to raise the bar to the next level...

Of course it's competitive.

I think people are missing the point, I think it’s key that it’s so far away. Most kids don’t have a party which is an hour and 15 minutes away from their homes. So when people are saying ‘another party would have happened there anyway’ or ‘you don’t own it’ of course not, but few parents would want to take two car loads of kids on a two and half hour round trip. It’s just not the done thing. So I can see why OP is pissed off, as she was really pushing the boat out. She mentioned the venue to the other Mum and she pinched it. She knew what she was doing. It’s like gazumping.

OP yanbu at all. This would piss me off, especially as you clearly consider the mum a friend

Signing off this thread now at 73% unreasonable (for anyone keeping score).

Thanks for all the support and those providing a reality check (in a nice-ish way).

I think the length of the thread is starting to irritate people so I won’t reply to anymore individual questions (if there are any outstanding).

😘

How on earth do people have time for this in their mental capacity

Who gives a shit!.

If it wasn’t competitive before I would do everything in my power to make it competitive now. ‘Right kids who wants to go Disneyland Paris for Amelia’s 10th Birthday?? Come on girls! Hop in!!!

I
Might have felt. Bit disappointed but I'd never have voiced it to the other mum it's a bit main character

I think you need to dress this as a ‘win’ for your daughter. She gets to go to a venue she wants earlier ie in April rather than June. And y’know kids do talk to each other so she gets to tell her friends all about it before…. ‘There’s this cool bit where…..’ and ‘this bits really scary / steep / fun’ and ‘this bits really babyish and dull’ and she gets to make it clear to hers friends this is her territory and she’s been before and so should get the cool points for ‘discovering’ it as that seems to be your concern.

and also it’s a win for her because then having been she can decide if she wants to go again or go somewhere different. It’s sounds quite a stressful party and surely there are other cool things you can do that are different.

double win!

Oh haha just seen you’ve signed off…. Nevermind!

Perhaps OP could find a venue even further away? Whole class trip to Disney? But don't tell parents in advance, lest someone else have heard of Mickey Mouse. It's not kidnap if it's a birthday party right?

Just because it's far away and you didn't take other parents doesn't mean other parents couldn't look it up 🤣
Their kids could have asked
I'd think most parents would look a venue up before sending their children to a party too

And now OP has stropped off anyway. Presumably because we aren't all fawning over her special party idea that would make her DD Queen of The School

She’s not, OP was just being polite and answering questions.

it’s ironic that a lot of the posters who think OP is be unreasonable are being unreasonable with their replies 😂 but that’s Mumsnet for you

I signed off the thread because people (like you) who seem to only exist to make people feel bad about themselves were complaining about the length of the thread (14 pages, who gives a sh1t! Etc.)

I was happy to continue discussing it and have not been stroppy on this thread despite some absolute cretins making an appearance (until now maybe but that stroppy comment really has annoyed me)

PS All this “their kids could have asked, the parents could look it up”

very useful points EXCEPT I know where the parent got the idea from as I have talked to her about it so I don’t need to continue with conjecture about someone randomly booking the party before me which I would have been fine with! Pah! 😝😝😝