AIBU - Friend has 'stolen' party idea

[Homer28]

Hi,
As a family we often go to an adventure centre/party place around 75 mins drive from our home town so not local and never been invited to a party there before. Last year we did a party there at the centres waterpark for my daughters 10th birthday.

This same venue, which throws excellent parties and has lots of party options from bowling to waterpark etc and also has an aerial assault course but it has an age/height limit. My daughter has said for a couple of years that when everyone is 10/11+ she will do a party there as its cool/scary.

This year in December (party isn't until June) she asked if she could have her party there in June. Her dad was concerned that in theory its a brilliant day out but that people may be afraid of the heights/parents may be hesitant and it could not be as exciting as shes thinks.
I text another parent of two of her friends for a second opinion and she thought it was a cool idea (wasn't aware this existed) and her kids would love to go!.

Cue this month when she tells me she is booking this for her daughters party in April. I gently suggested that the two girls having the same party might be an issue as its important at 10 to have the 'cool' party and they like to put an individual stamp on it and the parties will only be 8 weeks apart. She disagrees and thinks a party venue is open to all kids who wish to have their parties there.

I was pre empting the upset from my 10 year old who laments that shell be chastised by the class for 'copying' the first birthday girl and it takes the shine off her idea which has been brewing for a while.

AIBU to be annoyed?

YABU - You don't own a party idea!
YANBU - Its not cool to hear an idea from a friend and pip them to the post on it.

Honestly I would post something on your class whatsapp « dd is devastated that you would steal her party idea despite me telling you we would book this specific activity and that she wouldn’t want you to book the same. Why would you do that to a 10yo? if you were struggling to find ideas of your own, you could have asked »

The friendship is dead at this point, so you might as well shame her, who knows she might change her plans.

Yes. A combative email to the group that’ll sort things out.
Just not how you envisage
Send that and you’ll look absolutely unhinged and all sympathy will gravitate to the other mum.
Send that and be prepared for widespread derision

This would have been absolute 🔥on our class WhatsApp group, but not in the way it was intended. The sub groups would be popping off all afternoon 😂

Agreed. You would look utterly unhinged.

Get your dds save the date invites out first?

please do, so other parents can cross to the other side of street when they see you. Just in case.

Nuts.
Kids don't care they happy to get to go twice!!

Don’t worry there won’t be any class what’s app battles!

Currently 27% of people think I’m being reasonable which means I’m mental but not completely mental so this thread has been a result 😁

For those that think I’m a princess/child/entitled person I had to text and RSVP yes to this April party on my child’s behalf after a brief sound off after getting the invitation so that was completely mortifying. Punishment enough 😪

Oh god! You’re “that” mother aren’t you!

Way to make sure other parents encourage their children not to be friendly with yours!

Unless they are coming to have their kids party in your kitchen, they are not encoraching on you. Local place does kids parties, parents book parties there. If you feel put out by someone else using an amenity because you wanted to do it first, you need to get a grip.

save the date for a kids 10th birthday party? I feel like I'm on the wrong planet sometimes

Look I don’t mind a healthy debate on this or I wouldn’t have posted on AIBU and I maybe am being unreasonable but we don’t need to deliberately skew the facts.

it’s not a local place and it’s unlikely that other parents will book a place in a different country (it’s over the border for us).

We frequent the place as it’s beside a family holiday spot for us. ☀️

This chain of events upset my 10 year old and me, I just wondered if it would upset other people if the exact same thing happened them. I have no issue with someone booking the local trampoline park or whatever else ‘before’ me.

OK so, at worst, they heard your idea and thought, that's a good idea and booked the same place. I really don't see the big deal. They also have a child who wants to have a party there and so they are doing that.

i see what you are saying, but April to July is a very long time apart, and i do think that there will be some in April that will be braver in July.
It is what it is, lesson learned, keep your ideas to yourself from now on. although once they are in secondary, these parties tend to dwindle.

You seem oddly hung up on the idea that you "discovered" this place. It's just over an hour away. I promise other parents are well aware of it.

I don’t think I’m the Christopher Columbus of party venues!

I just think a post saying “local place gets booked for party big surprise” is silly as it’s not a local place and I know my friend and her daughter got the party idea from me, that’s not up for debate.

I don’t need any details deliberately changed to make me look worse than I already do 😂

Do you really think it wouldn’t have been discovered sooner rather than later? Especially considering your daughter has already had a party there for a different activity and the children are getting older now.

It was only a matter of time.

But why are you so bothered that they liked your idea? Your child gets to go to this place that she loves twice. Only once will be her birthday so it will naturally be more special for her. Why has this upset you so much?

Yes, their child said I want my
party there as it sounds cool and they are making it happen. And they don’t see anything wrong with that.

The AIBU is after all whether or not it’s reasonable for my child to be annoyed as she was excited about introducing this activity to her friends and within her social group feels she couldn’t do the same party so close. AND I guess whether I’m being unreasonable to be feeling a bit miffed at a friend who hasn’t given any consideration to my feelings on this at all. She is just doing what she feels is best for her child, I understand but there is something that niggles at me about it where the friendship is concerned and I’m just not sure how big that niggle is or should be.

It maybe will be used for other parties now (though as parents have said on this group a lot of people don’t want to have to transport children etc.) and I have no issue with that.

If an invitation had come from another child for this party it would still have been disappointing for my DD and I would have been disappointed for her but it would be one of those things. I don’t think I would have had any hurt or anger towards my friend..which is what makes it slightly different.

I told my child that her friend was considering this venue/activity with no opinions attached to it and she was upset, which irritated me.

It does upset me (the way I feel my friend has behaved) and I felt the whole situation was a bit off from her POV and I don’t know why that is (Options include: I have narcissistic personality disorder, I was dropped on my head as a child).

I do understand I’m being unreasonable though.

I get why you are annoyed and I get why your daughter is upset.

This would piss me off if honest. Maybe next time just don't say anything to the other mums about plans because of this reason. Unfortunately your daughter may have to change what she does or just stick with it for now.

Thank-you.
You get so swamped with people who just cannot understand how you are feeling you start to wonder what sort of fever dream you are living in so it’s nice to hear it would annoy other people. 😝

They don't see anything wrong with it, because there is nothing wrong with it. Their kid wants to have their party at this place so they are doing that. Sorry if I'm coming across as mean here but I honestly cannot see what the issue is. I will be at 3 parties for 10 year olds in the next 6 weeks at the same place. The kids all look forward to and enjoy each occasion on its own merits. Your child being upset because they wanted to be the one to introduce an activity to their social group sounds bonkers to me and not like any group of 10 year olds I know.

But again; did you not say in your OP that your daughter already had her 10th birthday there last year? So surely you have already checked off “first to host a party there” and can claim discovery of it. Your daughter is having another party at the same location. You can’t really angle it as stealing or swooping in before you when she has already been the first. How many birthdays must this be exclusively your daughters territory?