AIBU - Friend has 'stolen' party idea

[Homer28]

Hi,
As a family we often go to an adventure centre/party place around 75 mins drive from our home town so not local and never been invited to a party there before. Last year we did a party there at the centres waterpark for my daughters 10th birthday.

This same venue, which throws excellent parties and has lots of party options from bowling to waterpark etc and also has an aerial assault course but it has an age/height limit. My daughter has said for a couple of years that when everyone is 10/11+ she will do a party there as its cool/scary.

This year in December (party isn't until June) she asked if she could have her party there in June. Her dad was concerned that in theory its a brilliant day out but that people may be afraid of the heights/parents may be hesitant and it could not be as exciting as shes thinks.
I text another parent of two of her friends for a second opinion and she thought it was a cool idea (wasn't aware this existed) and her kids would love to go!.

Cue this month when she tells me she is booking this for her daughters party in April. I gently suggested that the two girls having the same party might be an issue as its important at 10 to have the 'cool' party and they like to put an individual stamp on it and the parties will only be 8 weeks apart. She disagrees and thinks a party venue is open to all kids who wish to have their parties there.

I was pre empting the upset from my 10 year old who laments that shell be chastised by the class for 'copying' the first birthday girl and it takes the shine off her idea which has been brewing for a while.

AIBU to be annoyed?

YABU - You don't own a party idea!
YANBU - Its not cool to hear an idea from a friend and pip them to the post on it.

I'm with you op I'd be pretty fuming

This post is a bit cray but do consider, the first time the kids will be a bit anxious, when it comes to your daughters turn they will just be happy and excited knowing what to expect

I'd be very annoyed.

Like a PP has suggested, I would take a group of kids along for a day out, get some other mums, or DH to help if you both have cars, before the other girl's birthday party.

Then I'd do something completely different, better, cooler on my DD's actual birthday.

Don't even need to read the thread to know so many will be saying OP is ridiculous. I'd be annoyed as well but unfortunately it's one of them things. Next time don't tell anyone, thing is you don't know she wouldn't have booked the same party anyway even if you didn't tell her.
Not a cool thing for her to have done imo

Why try so hard to be “cool”.

Cool is a concept sold to the youth to make companies money.

I’m picturing Amanda from Motherland.

Literally every party I’ve been to since 2018 has been at Goals or Go Ape. Maybe boys are less bothered about this sort of thing and I couldn’t imagine any of their friends having a go for copying.
However she’s been quite shady. Honestly I’d be tempted not to send your daughter and to book something else for her party even cooler and not invite the other girl. But I’m quite vindictive if you cross my kids.

It's not the coolness, it's the fact the other mum has wilfully stolen her daughter's plans.

I’d find somewhere else to have your DD’s party, especially if the same guests will be going to both. Also, you may find that at least one guest will hate the aerial adventure and will get cold feet at the beginning, have to be cajoled along or brought down mid course. It happens a lot with kids of that age.

It is a little ‘’off’ of your friend to book the part after you mentioned it, given the fact it’s not local.

Flat out with you on this OP! I'd be livid. The other mum knows what's she has done here & I'd seriously consider the friendship. Not cool.

It's not a box standard bowling party or not a case of ‘ooh I bought the same top' and a compliment this is all about stealing a really lovely different idea. My DD 10 has just confirmed she would be fuming too.

So I hear by validate your feelings. Now, as you say learn from this and keep party ideas to yourself going forwards.

Hope your DD has a lovely party and enjoys the tequila (that did make me chuckle @Doseofreality)

Why wouldn’t you recommend a great hotel. I have done this for several times
for friends. What’s wrong with people?

Well, in general nothing - it's nice to share - but when a relative and their not particularly pleasant husband book not only the bargain, seafront romantic hotel you discovered but the actual bedroom you slept in and go into way too much detail of what they got up to in it, it does rather take the shine off the idea of returning.

Well, that’s just about that couple who are a bit odd. Why then vow to never share special recommendations with anyone else again?

I am still surprised that a 10-year-old would be ‘devastated’, have her birthday ‘severely impacted’ by this, be ‘chastised’ by her friends, and will no longer be able to look forward to her birthday party in July.

Really? Is this what today’s young kids are like?

If this would genuinely spoil some posters’ child’s birthday party, then quite frankly they need to look at their parenting.

I don't remember taking that vow 😂

We had pretty simple parties for our kids every year. Soft play etc, invited the whole class. Great memories.

At no age did my young kids feel the need to show off about their parties and be ‘cool’. Thank goodness.

Of course others care about their kids feelings but as adults and parents we should be helping to manage those feelings instead of encouraging children to compete with friends over the most 'cool' birthday party and certainly not encouraging petty behaviour as some pp's have suggested such as taking some friends before the party, going all out with party bags to make hers the 'better' one etc.

now only share recommendations for the ones that aren't 'special' to me.

What did this comment mean then?

We know somebody like this in our social group. Maybe this is you! She won’t tell you which hotel she has been to. Even though none of us are even wanting to steal the idea! I could not afford to copy anyway. She is quite mean-spirited really all-round.

Fucking hell, the 4 year old party scene is going to get intense round here if we're not allowed to do the same parties any more. The August babies are gonna have to BIG.

Blimey, take it up with her, not me.

No I won’t. Petty people never change.

Indeed. I mean, just say 'That's enough, Barbara -- I think we've all heard enough about Nigel cavorting on the balcony semi-clad, thanks.' And recognise that 'discovering' a hotel is a fiction. If you were the only one to discover it, it wouldn't have stayed open a month. Just as the illusion that no one else has ever stayed in your pristine hotel room and had a lot of graphic sex in 'your' bed is just as much of an illusion. (Speaking as a former hotel cleaner who knows just how much work is involved in that illusion.)

Exactly this!

It's the parents that drive the competitive mean spiritedness. The other parent has engaged in it but the attitude the OP has is very much part of the problem.

You can see it's not coming from the playground it's the parents who are trying to outdoors each other and having this mentality that everything will be 'ruined' if someone gets in there first. The kids pick up on it and copy the parents.

It's funny watching the kids argue over those stupid over size drink cups saying 'yours isn't a proper one' at age 9. The kids have been bought one by parents or have asked for one because they've been marketed to - by watching inappropriately aged stuff. It definitely a parent thing using the kids as fashion accessories rather than coming just from the kids. Even the ones with the older siblings, are lacking in parents saying the word no.

It's ridiculous.

Urghhhh sadly this is the first rule of parenting …it starts with don’t tell anyone the name and extends from there.

she’s obviously being twatty but there isn’t much you can do.

I’m a petty cow so I would book your DDs one week earlier and explain to your DD that 10 is SOOO special you have booked a mini break holiday for her actual birthday as well as a party and this was the only date they had…

Exactly. Children learn from their parents.

Some parents also seem to want to 'out do' each other with things like birthday parties and act like 10 year olds themselves. It really is ridiculous.