AIBU - Friend has 'stolen' party idea

[Homer28]

Hi,
As a family we often go to an adventure centre/party place around 75 mins drive from our home town so not local and never been invited to a party there before. Last year we did a party there at the centres waterpark for my daughters 10th birthday.

This same venue, which throws excellent parties and has lots of party options from bowling to waterpark etc and also has an aerial assault course but it has an age/height limit. My daughter has said for a couple of years that when everyone is 10/11+ she will do a party there as its cool/scary.

This year in December (party isn't until June) she asked if she could have her party there in June. Her dad was concerned that in theory its a brilliant day out but that people may be afraid of the heights/parents may be hesitant and it could not be as exciting as shes thinks.
I text another parent of two of her friends for a second opinion and she thought it was a cool idea (wasn't aware this existed) and her kids would love to go!.

Cue this month when she tells me she is booking this for her daughters party in April. I gently suggested that the two girls having the same party might be an issue as its important at 10 to have the 'cool' party and they like to put an individual stamp on it and the parties will only be 8 weeks apart. She disagrees and thinks a party venue is open to all kids who wish to have their parties there.

I was pre empting the upset from my 10 year old who laments that shell be chastised by the class for 'copying' the first birthday girl and it takes the shine off her idea which has been brewing for a while.

AIBU to be annoyed?

YABU - You don't own a party idea!
YANBU - Its not cool to hear an idea from a friend and pip them to the post on it.

Yabu in that you don’t own or control a venue or party choices of other parents. But she’s a cow for obviously stealing your idea and not understanding why you may feel a bit annoyed. She’s not a proper friend.

I would be annoyed - who does that?! Not a friend anyway. It’s kinda the principle of it and, despite it seeming ridiculous, I would never think of that parent in the same way again and would distance myself from them in a passive aggressive non obvious that that was why way 😆

YANBU OP, this was sneaky of her.

yanbu. I can see why you are irritated by it.

OP is your DDs party booked yet?
Or is this all based on vague chit chat from weeks ago, about a birthday thats still months away?

Why do you have to be the first to do something - something that is publicly available? My son was at football parties every other weekend when he was at primary school because they loved them - no one was complaining they had been to one the week before.

It was too hard to understand???? Okayyyyyyyy....🙄

I will spell it out

10 year olds just want to have fun and don't chastise each other for having the same kind of party as another person. Do you think that once a child has a "roller skating" party then that is it - NO ONE else can ever have one for fear of being "chastised" by their friends?? Of course not.

Your OTT comments are ridiculous.

Of course yabu what a ridiculous thing to create drama over. We've been to multiple parties at the same venue in a year no one thinks its copying, it's just a bloody kids party fgs!

Our 10yo chose his party venue because he loves it there, even though he's already been to a party there. The idea of a 10yo choosing a party because they want the 'cool' party sounds like it's about you. If that's legitimately what your child cares about then you've raised a very entitled child

I wouldn't.

My goal would be for my child and their friends to have fun and 2 trips to Alton towers within 8 weeks like OP's gap between parties would still without a doubt be fun.

Not to mention I wouldn't be encouraging my child to have the 'coolest, super special, best' birthday to compete with her friends. They are supposed to be friends.

Its not a bog standard roller skate or sleepover party though.

I actually love things like aerial climbing but I wouldn't want to do the same course twice in 2/3 months. The same applies to lots of other things I enjoy - theme parks, spas, etc - as much as I like them I wouldn't be doing them multiple times within a few months.

So yeah, I can imagine that 10 year olds at best wouldn't be anywhere near as excited about doing a "big" activity for the second time as they would have the very first time, and at worst wouldn't be bothered about going at all, particularly the ones that didn't love it the first time.

I think it's brilliant to be the second and not toe ginnypig. The kids who really hate the activity won't come again and you won't be stuck with several sulking or terrified children.

10 year olds do chastise (reprimand) each other for copying.
I would say adults are actually more easy going about copying than 10 year old girls can be.

Im not sure why your reply is so sarcastic, I was struggling to understand why you were making fun of my use of language.

I remember when i was 10 I had two friends who put 'boob tubes' on their Halloween skeletons which i thought looked cool and did also. This was of great offensive to these two twins who actually fell out with me over 'copying them'. Still traumatised!

I think what is "cool" is to just accept it and then think how lucky the kids are to get two trips in this year.

You have already had a birthday party there once before so I'm surprised that no one else has thought of it yet.

Thanks for changing your vote!
I tried to put as much detail in the OP and not drip feed but I also don't feel any details i've subsequently supplied would have changed by reasonableness/unreasonableness any (but im glad they have! 😆)

Is she a friend of she steals your party idea?

In the interests of “research” I asked my two (ages 12 and 13) and they both said they would be pretty annoyed, and would expect that their friends would say they had copied the your child. So as an adult I wouldn’t be particularly bothered but it seems to be a concern for kids. My DS12 said “well you’re not looking at it as a child who has a good idea for their birthday, you’re thinking about it as a mum”. Which is fair enough.

Well this is something I've been considering but didn't want to fire on all cylinders feeling that way in case i was a nutcase which I am 76% apparently lol.

@CantStopMoving I think you misunderstood, there's nothing wrong with wanting to have a good party, obviously. Nobody plans any type of party aiming for it to be shit!

But in this case the op seems put out that another mum has stolen her 'cool' party idea when really (if it were about the kids as it should be and not about adults bragging rights) she should be happy that her dd is getting to take part in two cool parties.

To me it seems like she's pissed off that someone else has gone for the party she wanted for her dd which as I said isn't unreasonable. But it should come down to the dc all having a good time. Not the mums going head to head for who puts on the most expensive shindig.

A lot of people on here are really minimising the impact this could have on your DD and I think YADNBU!!

Your 'mum friend' sounds like a jostling CF...

This, and she doesn't like it she can do other stuff.

But you said in your OP that you already held a party at this “unknown” location for DD. Different activity maybe, but surely everyone is already well aware your family discovered this hidden gem..? And if not, DD could easily say “Yes, I actually had my party here last year and have already planned to do it this year/My sister did(unclear if it’s the same DD?)”

It’s hardly going to be seen as copying, is it?

If you're willing to travel 75 minutes and drive 2 carloads of 10 year olds there must be other activities in the vicinity. I would encourage your daughter to attend the friends party in good grace, enjoy it, have fun, but choose something new for her own party. I'd be cautious around the mum in the future too. This could've been handled better by the other family.

I would demote her in your friendships! Never trust her with this sort of info again!

Also, I reckon the 76% don't throw their kids a party and it seems they don't care about their kids feelings! You were super clear that your daughter was really looking forward to it!

In this position, I might change the date to have your party first or change the theme/location completely. I would be fuming and once my party was sorted I would let other mum's know too!

To be fair. All children's birthday parties are super special, it's not about throwing money at it competition style.

My kids are now teens and have been to all sorts of parties in there primary years. Lots of them repeated. Sleepovers, Theme parks, laser quest, a family who hired a whole pool with flumes for there twins, lots of trampoline parks, cooking parties at pizza express, BBQs in gardens, village halls, body combat, leisure centre parties, water parks and I think one of them even did a trip to a recording studio.

I was always just grateful that they were invited, I don't as there parent have one that stands out more than the other and now they are in their teens they have moved on to doing more teen like stuff.

My little sister planned out a party when she was 11. She wanted it to be a pop star party where everyone could get coloured hair bits and glitter make up and bring instruments and they would be in a band. She planned a menu. Super cute.

Mum was talking to our aunt about it, who was always a bitter woman and our cousin was the same age as my sister and in the same class. Her child's birthday was first so she almost immediately sent out invitations inviting everyone to a pop star party. They had more money as well so hired all the bells and whistles.

Of course no one owns a party, especially something as vague as a popstar theme party but it was deliberate and quite shitty. Her daughter had a really hard time at school, partly because of how she was raised.

My sister was devastated and didn't want to go. Mum was furious but talked about why people copy and insecurity and rising above things you can't change. They then planned a fashion show party (very creative), everyone loved it and they never shared anything with aunt/ cousin again.

Yes kids parties are petty but it does show someone up as either totally thoughtless, insecure and jealous or plain mean. Little things paint a picture.