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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would you have hung up on me

261 replies

spanieleyes22 · 12/03/2025 12:38

So I posted before about a "break up" with a friend of over 15 years around October last. I found it very hard as she wouldn't talk to me or discuss anything she just blocked me on everything. I sent her a Xmas card but no response. Yesterday I was feeling down and lonely I've been sick with a flu thing and am just very down. I remembered last year when I was sick she was the only person I really told as I don't want to moan to family and she checked in on me - by text- and I rang her number withholding my number. I did try doing that a couple of times back when it happened but she never answered just a voicemail message would come on. I suppose I didn't expect her to answer and when she did I was happy and said hi it's spaniel eyes and then long silence and I said please don't hang up but before I finished the sentence she had hung up. I know it was stupid of me. I've been really upset but annoyed with myself too. I know it's time to forget her now she couldn't make it any clearer. I'd just love to know why she feels she has to do this. Whatever happened I don't feel warrants this: I feel it's actually cruel. But I know you all will tell me to stop wasting my time so I'm trying to do that. I id hope for a minute or so but quickly dashed.

OP posts:
Jellycatspyjamas · 12/03/2025 12:40

I guess it really depends on what happened in October to break the friendship.

BleachedJumper · 12/03/2025 12:40

You aren’t entitled to answers from other people in this scenario.

You are in pain and lonely, but it doesn’t give you the right to harass someone else.

Find your own peace and move on with your life.

AtrociousCircumstance · 12/03/2025 12:42

Agree with PP, it depends why the friendship broke down.

But if it’s one of those situations where you have no idea why she’s suddenly shut down and are desperate for answers, then YANBU in feeling the confusion and loss and desire to know what happened. It was a mistake to call her though. You have to just let her go. If it is the above situation I do agree it’s cruel of her.

festivemouse · 12/03/2025 12:42

Yes I would have, especially if you'd been blocked for months but then called repeatedly from a withheld number until I answered. Id feel quite harassed!

spanieleyes22 · 12/03/2025 12:44

Was that harassment. Yeh I don't want to thrash it all out again but basically I didn't do anything horrible or mean. Looking back she was trying to pull away but wouldn't admit it she just said she was busy and then I called her on it and she blocked me. That's the summary: I realize I should have said nothing and just let her be and we would prob still be friends albeit not as close. I do blame myself partly.

OP posts:
9fthighfence · 12/03/2025 12:45

I’d find your actions harassment. Move on.

spanieleyes22 · 12/03/2025 12:46

festivemouse · 12/03/2025 12:42

Yes I would have, especially if you'd been blocked for months but then called repeatedly from a withheld number until I answered. Id feel quite harassed!

I rang once back in October and once over Xmas and then once yesterday . She wouldn't have known who was calling the first 2 times. At the time I mean. Yeh I know I'm coming across as a stalker. Hate myself for it.

OP posts:
spanieleyes22 · 12/03/2025 12:46

9fthighfence · 12/03/2025 12:45

I’d find your actions harassment. Move on.

Ok

OP posts:
LadyKenya · 12/03/2025 12:47

Concentrate on those people who want you in their lives. For whatever reason, this person does not want contact.

Peclet · 12/03/2025 12:47

She doesn’t want to know you.

It is harsh but you absolutely have to respect her boundaries. Try and move on.

AtrociousCircumstance · 12/03/2025 12:48

Don’t hate yourself, just let her go now. If she has made this decision then she wasn’t ever going to be a great lifelong friend anyway. Do the work on yourself to detach and process.

Rosybud88 · 12/03/2025 12:49

Let it go - why do you still want to be friends with someone who wants nothing to do with you? Find some pride and walk the other way.

spanieleyes22 · 12/03/2025 12:50

Peclet · 12/03/2025 12:47

She doesn’t want to know you.

It is harsh but you absolutely have to respect her boundaries. Try and move on.

Yeh it's obvious really. I just don't know what I did wrong. Suppose I never will. Going from texting a few times a day to being blocked has been really hard to bear. But yeh I know I'm being stupid

OP posts:
spanieleyes22 · 12/03/2025 12:51

AtrociousCircumstance · 12/03/2025 12:48

Don’t hate yourself, just let her go now. If she has made this decision then she wasn’t ever going to be a great lifelong friend anyway. Do the work on yourself to detach and process.

Yeh I just don't understand but yeh

OP posts:
alwaysdeleteyourcookies · 12/03/2025 12:51

If you've been blocked for months, you don't call up this person for support and comfort. You need to move past her. She is no longer in your life.

yeesh · 12/03/2025 12:53

Why did you call her on a withheld number?

SemperIdem · 12/03/2025 12:55

It is hard when a friendship ends in this way. But you do need to let it go now, for your own peace.

AtrociousCircumstance · 12/03/2025 12:56

You don’t have to understand and you probably never will - the focus is to move on now. Tough but you can do it.

Peclet · 12/03/2025 12:57

I think it might be useful to say in your head

“I I don’t know why xx let me go, but I am a good person and have lots of love to give”

Every time you get a negative thought about it tell yourself about it. And really practise it.

look forwards. Not backwards.

spanieleyes22 · 12/03/2025 12:57

alwaysdeleteyourcookies · 12/03/2025 12:51

If you've been blocked for months, you don't call up this person for support and comfort. You need to move past her. She is no longer in your life.

Yeh I was being stupid thinking she cared. It makes me question the whole friendship. I confided in her. She did in me. I thought she cared. I just don't know what changed and am beating myself up for what I don't know but obvs she doesn't want me in her life

OP posts:
Buggathisforagameofsoldiers · 12/03/2025 12:58

I almost never post here but coming on to say: I have been there and it totally blows. You (I) go from really not knowing what you've done wrong to assuming that everything you have ever said or done is beyond the pale. I know, sister (I assume!) I know.

I don't think I will ever forget it (it's been 20 years. .) But I am well over it and the following little mantra has helped...

Better a million times to be on the receiving end of that kind of shit than dishing it out. I NEVER dish it out...I can control that but I can't control someone else's bullshit shenanigans.

Walk away with your head held high!

OhCalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 12/03/2025 12:58

Sometimes when things like this happen we will never understand. You can waste a lot of time and energy ruminating over it or try and accept that what you did have has gone, they no longer want contact fir reasons you might never know and move forward with your own life. She may not be making her reasons clear but certainly has made her boundaries clear and does not want contact.

CrownOfEagleFeathers · 12/03/2025 12:59

I probably would have heard you out - but it depends on why this all happened. There are some people who have done me wrong in the past who I would just hang up on.

That said, no one is obliged to talk to you, even if I might have heard you out, personally. I'm quite patient - others aren't. You can't do anything to change someone else's behaviour. It's best to accept other people's behaviour for good and bad and not try to find ways to judge ourselves based on how others treat us.

spanieleyes22 · 12/03/2025 13:00

yeesh · 12/03/2025 12:53

Why did you call her on a withheld number?

Cos she has blocked me. I thought if she picked up she might regret blocking me and being so final about cutting me out of her life and we could build bridges

OP posts:
ManchesterGirl2 · 12/03/2025 13:02

I've never blocked a long term friend or partner so I've never been in this situation. But if for some reason I'd felt it necessary to block someone, I wouldn't appreciate them trying to call me from a withheld number.

Whether her reasons are fair or not, she's made her preferences clear. And if her reasons aren't fair, better to move on to someone who treats you well.