AIBU to not want to take SC on this holiday?

[MeanOrJustified]

I’ve won an all-inclusive beach holiday for two adults and two children. DH and I have a toddler and he has a DD, 12 and two DS, 8 and 11. Nice kids but the older two fight a lot and the youngest is quite demanding and prone to wanting his own way, and sulking when he doesn’t get it. They are active and will hate a beach holiday and it’s generally not very relaxing to be around them.

We haven’t been on a foreign holiday since before our toddler was born. Used to do lots, always with SC, but DH was made redundant when I was pregnant and is now in a lower paid role and we can only afford UK breaks until either one of us gets a better job or our child is in school. If we hadn’t won it, we wouldn’t be going on a foreign holiday. We had plans for ten days’ camping with SC which we’ll still do.

DH thinks we should ask to pay to extend the holiday to a larger family room so SC can come, and put the two extra flights on a credit card. I don’t want to. AIBU?

If you had children from a previous relationship would you want them to come on the holiday? Or would you only take the toddler you share with your partner?

Having read all the OP's posts, I'd just call it a day and file for divorce tbh.

Reading your updates he shouldn't go on the holiday because he can't afford to take all of his children.
I can't believe the step children's mum goes on holiday with her other children but leaves her older children with you and their dad.
You sound like you need a break, take your toddler and spend your evenings on your balcony with a glass of wine and a good book.

I think we already have this with millennials. A lot of people in their 30s with divorced parents found it so awful (traumatising probably isn't too strong of a word) that they either don't want any children, planning to stay together whatever happens, or stay single if they do split.

Everyone seems to be missing the parts where OP says SC are active and probably won’t enjoy a beach holiday AND that they are all going camping as a family so SC aren’t missing out.

My dad and stepmum always took their kids on hol without my sis and me. Before step siblings were born dad and stepmum used to take us on hols. After they were born we never got taken on hold again. Sis and I accepted that was their family time and went on hols with our mum instead

Dear OP I changed my mind after reading all of your posts. You are not unreasonable

I vote for you going on holiday with your husband and daughter to try and repair your marriage.

Ethically that is the right thing to do for your step children as well.

" except their father" . .ah yes they man who has been pretty much unemployed for 18 months and leaves all the financial responsibilities to his wife/ step mum of his children. The man who can't even pay maintenance, never mind a holiday. Dead beat dad gets off about free.. Tick!! Evil step mum...Tick!!

It amazes me that all stepchildren on here are apparently so badly behaved that the stepmothers can’t bear to be around them.
It’s never the step parent’s fault. there’s always an arsehole of an ex or badly behaved children who they can’t bear to be around.

Exactly this.

If there isn't the money to take the SC then surely that's that?

If he thinks they should all go or none then he can stay behind but not make Op do the same I would have thought.

Tbh if he thinks that none of the kids should go if all can't then I'd be tempted to leave the toddler with him.

OPs later posts state that she thinks the DSCs behaviour is 'fairly age appropriate'. The issue appears more to be that their parents fail to actually do any parenting.

Does anyone think this prince of a DH is going to suddenly pull his socks up and do an adequate job with his three eldest children if they do go on holiday? Especially as it probably won't be to their taste anyway, and they'll be lumbered sharing a room with a toddler.

Some balance is needed. Marrying someone with children doesn't automatically mean never ever having holidays just with your spouse and your own children. And the OP and him went camping with the SC only, so the precedent has been established.

Paying for the SC to go with the credit card would make sense if it was a once in a lifetime opportunity (which it isn't) and very cooperative couple in good goodwill (which this isn't).

So the only question here is , does he want to go with you, or not? And maybe, do you still want him to go, or have you given up already?

Unless their stepdad says he doesn't want to take them and they have opportunities with the other parent

It seems broken beyond repair anyway, given the contempt for him in her posts (now that he's not earning 100k a year), and if he leaves his kids behind it'll just be yet another bone of contention

In fairness I’d be pretty contemptuous of someone who spent the last 18 months doing odd delivery shifts, leaving me to work 60 hour weeks while subsiding him and his children when he was clearly capable of holding down a well
paying job. Doubly so if I was also paying off debt he accrued, even more so if he then wanted me to subsidise a holiday for his kids.

Exactly! And she cut short her own maternity leave with her only child to return to work early because of this situation.

OP I think this has just been the final straw for you hasn't it. I get it!

Sounds like it's time to plan a lovely holiday as a single mum, with only your toddler to focus on, some sunshine and some rest from your ridiculously long working week.

Good luck with the divorce.

Triply so if he was all the while treating our shared child worse than the three eldest, in that he's paying maintenance for them whilst contributing nothing to support the 4th.

You deserve a holiday with your toddler from the sound of it, if H decides not to go take a friend and work out your future in the sun.

Sounds like you’ve checked out of your marriage. Can’t say I blame you as DH sounds quite lazy and is not stepping up. Hes cheeky asking to put his kids on your credit card to go on the holiday. You will just get in more debt, don’t do it. I would go on the holiday with a friend/other relative and your toddler. Leave your DH and SC at home. I would separate and not rush into a relationship any time soon. If u do your dd will be a step child too

Their own mum presumably isn’t taking another child with her on holiday? Even if she was, 2 wrongs don’t make a right and their dad going on holiday with his new family would make it awful. You should go with a friend.

This. This is all that ever needs to be said about step parenting in my eyes, but MN will tell you it’s fine to treat them like the neighbours kid who has wandered into your garden so you are in the right place if you don’t want to take them.

Yeah they are, you have to have eyes in the back of your head at all times, especially near water, it wouldn't be relaxing
.

How so?

How is the OP being wicked by working 60 hours a week to provide a home for her SC?? How is she being wicked by paying for a camping holiday for them later in the summer ? How is she being wicked by paying for their food, etc ?

What vibes are you getting from what we know about the children’s Dad ??

No they're not is what I meant to say! Argh!

Hardly treating them like the neighbours kid when the OP is solely paying for a roof over their when they are with their Dad, pays for their food, camping holiday, etc.

And what about their own Mum - she goes on holiday with her new partner and the children she has with him but doesn’t bring her other three children ? What do you think of that ? (probably because their SF doesn’t want to pay for them as I think the OP mentioned she’s not in employment).