Upset at not being able to lose weight

[BelloItalia]

Im 45 this year. Never had a problem with my weight before and whenever it crept up I’d just go on a bit of loose diet and it would fall off again.
Since I turned 40 I’m no longer able to lose weight. I’m now 11 stone which isn’t massively overweight but 10st is ideal for me. I just can’t get there.
Mir doesn’t seem to matter what I eat, the weight won’t shift. I’ve tried slimming world, low carb, calorie counting, intermittent fasting - nothing works. I’ll drop a couple of pounds then it will come back again. It’s actually making me quite upset. All my clothes are too tight, I spend so much time meal planning I feel like it’s all I ever think about.

AIBU to think there must be a way to get back to 10st?? I’m not menopausal

So you have spoken about food, diets and meal planning but haven’t really said how active you are?

I think to a certain extent your body needs some exercise to stay in shape. If you don’t use your muscles they essentially waste away, which will reduce the amount of calories your body needs (BMR). It’s not about exercising to burn fat, but rather to increase your fitness and allow your body a buffer to maintain your figure.

imo diet alone isn’t the answer.

Most people haven't finished work, never mind eaten their dinner and cleared up by 5pm.
We didn't get home until near 6pm, quickly got changed for gym (son) and running club (me), home just before 8pm, chicken/veg stir fry at 8.30pm, shower and chores until 11pm.
We normally do eat before 8.30pm.
No one's going to bed hungry.
I am 54, do mostly cardio for exercise because I love it, post menopause and a healthy weight.

I had the same problem when I was about your age. Nothing would shift that last stone, even though I followed the Slimming World and other diets. Then a friend told me that she had been the same but she had sussed out why. She said that when you follow these diets, it’s easy to overeat, even though you don’t think you are. She said the only way to do it properly was to write down every single thing you ate, including the amount of calories involved.
This took discipline, but it surprised me how often I was writing something down that I shouldn’t have had as it wasn’t part of the diet. It’s easily done - you bake a cake for the rest of the family, even though you won’t be eating it yourself, but you do lick the bowl clean. You eat your toddler’s left over dinner - she didn’t leave much, so no harm done (oh yes there is!). You are hungry later, so you munch an apple. Yes it’s good for you, but it has calories! I was astounded by how many extra calories I had consumed each day, because I was convinced they didn’t matter! Once I stuck to the diet with absolutely NO extras, the weight came off, and has stayed off, for 15 years so far.
One thing I found was, if I did stray, which I did at first, even by just having a biscuit, my brain would decide that I had broken the diet for the day, and I would eat extra stuff all day ‘because the damage had already been done, and I could start the diet again the next day’! Once I stopped doing that, I was on a roll. Give it a try. It takes discipline and you feel hard done by until the pounds start dropping off, but it’s worth it! Good luck!

I think you need to shake up your calorie intake a bit. More on some days less on others.

Probably peri. Keto is the only lifestyle that works for me to loose weight during perimenopause. I know I am at risk for diabetes, so that and general health is also the reason I feel able to ditch carbs/sugar.
I’ve just accepted this is how it is. I give myself occasional windows (Christmas and one holiday a year) where I eat whatever I like.

It also reduces appetite and feelings of hunger because you eat plenty of protein and fat.
It takes discipline initially, but I don’t feel deprived and definitely don’t need to calorie count.

P.S. Other things suggested in other posts are obviously great too, especially exercise, and if you can combine my suggested way of eating with some exercise, I’m sure you’ll be there sooner than you think!

12 stone is obese for anyone who is 5' 3" even someone at 5'5" would be obese at 13 stone.

How tall are you, and how active?

I'm 5'5 and to go from 11 stone to 10 I'd have to eat 1400 calories a day. It's take about six weeks to 2 months to lose a stone that way. I'm a similar age to you

It's fucking brutal

Here's my 1400 cals diet (roughly)

B:3 scrambled eggs, Greek yog and no sugar apple compote
L: ubiquitous big salad - lots and lots of protein - eggs, cottage cheese, tuna, etc. I have a lot of baked potatoes too (100 cals) with the salads.
D: casseroles/BBQ meat and veg, more salad, lots and lots of lentil and veg soups.

The trick is to eat a LOT of veg for the fibre to keep feeling full. I avoid rice and pasta and bread.

I have an underactive thyroid. It needs a moderate calorie intake in order to work properly. Iwould risk damaging my thyroid even further on 600- 800 calories a day.

Walk 45 mins a day

eat half of your meal

I don’t want to trigger competitive under eaters but your diet day sounds like a normal day to me.

As you get older you have to eat less and do more exercise to shift weight.

Have you had a metabolic panel done, OP? I would be interested in your A1C and fasting glucose levels.

Your walnuts are 820 calories before you ever think about anything else.

Edit ah it was a typo. I was thinking wow! 🤣

I also thought I could have written this. I'd try jabs but I'm not anywhere near heavy enough despite being 33% fat, I don't get it. It's brutal. I have been slim my whole life but now it's so hard. I just stay the same weight no matter what but if I go out and have booze and cake for a birthday or something then another unmovable lb goes on.

Exercise and eat as little as possible.. it’s so depressing! I expect hormones are at play. Best of luck x

300 plus 100 plus 500 comes to 900 not 1900 cals 😆

@BelloItalia I'm almost 100kg now, perimenopausal. Weight hardly moves. Im trying intermittent fasting and one meal a day. When younger, it would have moved, now nothing. I hate the idea of injections.

Wow. This looks extremely healthy to me. Especially no snacks and no alcohol. I would suggest exercice (cardio + weights) because diet wise you eat healthier than me (I do eat chocolate, pasta and atleast 4 beers/week) and I'm at 9 stones 45 years old. I do exercice though so that's the only thing I can think of.

I think you should accurately weigh and calorie count your food and analyse your recipes properly for few days to see where the calories are actually coming from.

I was in your shoes.
No alcohol, no snacks is something that would have worked 20 years ago, but not any more.
I can only lose weight if I eat no more than 1000-1200 kcal per day. And need to properly track it - I have an app that estimates based on photo, so also estimates added oils and sauces. A portion that I, lifelong calorie counter, would estimate around 300 is often more than 500, and those things all add up. I count everything, including milk in my coffee.

You also say 'chicken curry' - but how much? I also had do significantly adjust portion sizes, I need to eat about 1/3 of what I normally would have taken.

Lost 10 kg in 2 months. Feeling so much better.

Drink 2.5 litres of water

Walk (v fast) or jog 4 miles a day

OP pleeeease ignore posters telling you to eat 1200-1400 calories a day. That isn't even enough for a 6 year old.

I'm in my 40s and 5'4", weight train regularly and eat quite similar to you. To maintain a weight I feel great at (visible abs, muscle tone) I eat 2200 cals a day. To lean out a bit I drop to 1800 but only for a couple months. I would be miserable and sleepless and lose muscle if I ate 1400 cals a day!

Prioritise protein, (which you seem to be doing), lots of steps, hydration, and lift weights!

Look up Elemental Coaching with Kylie Larson, or Jordan Syatt on instagram. No nonsense, practical advice for realistic fat loss and muscle building. We need muscle in perimenopause, and it is the best route to a favourable body composition. Another great resource is Dr Stacy Sims.

I'm post meno and do find that it takes a good week and a half to 2 weeks to start dropping weight even when I drastically cut intake. Contrasted with my DH who drops much more quickly, it can be frustrating and disappointing. So stick with it.

My suggestions (which I find do work)

• have 2 meals a day. This gives a 16 hour fast window which is hard at first but becomes a doddle. This is good for metabolism and general health (protection from cancer, diabetes and dementia) . In your case this would cut out 400 + cals in the breakfast making an instant difference.

• weigh everything. You'd be amazed at how just a desert spoon extra of food adds a large calorie count. I use smaller plates / bowls which helps a lot. I also bulk out with low cal veg so that they cover at least half of the plate. Make sure you are getting plenty of protein.

• measure your body before you start. Often you will 'see' progress earlier by measuring body dimension, than weight which can fluctuate with water quite a lot.

In my case post meno my weight creeps up and clothes stop fitting when I eat too much. I used to think that it was hormonal and blame that but when I stopped and thought, was and was really honest with myself, it was plain old eating more than I needed that was the cause.

I'm now content that my base weight/size is a dress size bigger than my younger days but actually I think I look better for it and have a good wardrobe of clothes to fit it. It's only when I overdo the nosh for,a sustained period that I pile it on and cut calories to reduce back.

This is genuinely the most helpful comment on the thread.

I have the same issue as OP, late forties. Used to be slim an took no effort to lose weight. I have been sad about the peri-stone and a half I have put on and seem unable to shift. But... I would rather keep that weight than only drink water, chew on salad or put my kitchen out of bounds 3 hours before I even get home from work!

I think this revelation might have been life changing in regards to the way I see myself

An absolutely, honest thank you.