Dh spending lots on daily lunches & coffees

[Ohitspastagainisit]

Do your Dh’s take lunch to work or eat at cafes/restaurant’s for their lunch?

Dh stops at a cafe in the morning before work for a coffee and breakfast/snack, then he either stops at a cafe/restaurant for lunch or Burger king type place or buys lunch from a supermarket-sandwiches, drink, crisps and so on.
Sadly, he smokes, but is trying hard to give up, so often buys a pack every couple of days.
Sometimes after work, he’ll go for a couple of beers at a beach cafe

We aren’t in the uk, so cigarettes are cheaper, but also wages are a lot lower where we are.

I’d say the average he spends (from seeing the account) is €6.50 at the morning cafe, €7 for lunch, €5 for cigarettes every other day and €10 every other day for drinks after work.

I’m finding the supermarket shop to be getting harder, plus the rise of everything else. I don’t want to control what he spends and he does work hard, but does anyone else find this excessive? Starting to feel resentful that i’m adding everything up as I go around the supermarket and having a crap tuna sandwich at home and jar coffee for my lunch.
We’ve tried before to do lunches taken from home, but the large lunch boxes I buy go missing or it just ends up going back this way. I also feel sad because it’s money we could all have (Dh, me and dd) as a coffee and breakfast treat at the weekend maybe once a week

I would go through a month or two of finances, add up what he's spending on "luxuries" (& yes, cigarettes and shop bought coffees are luxuries for people on a budget) total up what he's spending spends, total up what you spend and see what the difference is.

Sit down with your budget and discuss those spending and whether you both agree it's a good/bas thing and if it's worth the sacrifices you're having to make in other areas.

So he’s spending on average 21 Euros a day? That is a huge amount. If he’s working 5 days a week that is 5.5k Euros a year. That’s way too much if you’re having to budget for food shopping, what is he thinking?

When I went out to work any coffee or lunch purchased out was spent out of my personal "spends" for the month. But there was always enough house food that I could take which came out of the joint budget.

Similarly if DH fancied a take away pizza etc at lunch he would but that with his own money, but if he fancied instant ramen we would add that to the weekly shop.

We have and he says he doesn’t spend much and he’ll take lunches (I even make them for him) or he’ll say he doesn’t spend much and gets hungry and has a physical job so needs to eat a lot. He eats loads, no idea how he’s still slim

My ex was like this. Earned a third of what I did and happily spent money on lunch from the cafe everyday and cakes in the afternoon and drinks for him and his team after work. Happy to spend money like water because "we" were doing ok, as I was trying to save to move us from a flat to a house and putting every penny into savings as he was pulling it out again. Its draining. My solution wont work for you; I binned the fucker.

Yes my OH does this, not alcohol as such and he doesnt smoke or have takeaway coffees, but he'll have a chinese or KFC many lunchtimes because hes hungry, tired, its difficult to carry round his lunch, he doesnt ike eating in the office and often isnt in an office, doesnt like the sort of food you would carry anyway (he doesnt eat sandwiches or rolls/wraps), his bag is heavy enough as it is to carry round a food flask and he chops and changes his mind all the time about what he wants so likely would prepare something and it would come back uneaten

I know! It’s a massive amount, just over 100 a week, 400 a month. Where we are it’s very normal to stop off for a coffee and pastry and so on, but daily just is too expensive

Have your joint money and then an equal amount of personal/spending money. He can spend some of that and when it runs out, he can take packed lunches.

It isn't fair you are budgeting when he is spending so lunch daily on food.

My DH and I each have personal money. He spends his on food and socialising, whereas I spend my mine on things that last.

Having a set and EQUAL amount each has prevented redentement and arguments.

Your DH is actually being really selfish.

How much is your combined take home pay? Do you share money or does he have his own. If he’s spending €112 a week just on food, drinks and fags for himself a week I suppose it depends whether you get the same money for yourself, whether he also wants additional personal money and what chunk of your family income this is. I wouldn’t be happy regardless, I think it’s a waste of money when he could take stuff from home but I guess if he’s a high earner then he might not see the problem.
Why doesn’t he know what impact this is having on the family finances? Does he know how much your income and expenditure is?

That's crazy - around 435 Euros pcm?!

I know someone who used to do this and plead poverty all the time, and his wife left him in the end, before they'd even finished paying the wedding off. Silly man.

He just gets defensive and says he’s not spending it all and that he works hard

I would add it up and show him total of what he’s spending in a month on this vs groceries bill for the month or percentage of his pay. Because that amount is unreasonable when you don’t have lots of disposable income.

DH (middle management) has taken a packed lunch almost every day of his working life and he generally makes them himself.
Two rounds of sandwiches; two hot cross buns; two Clementines and a yoghurt. We buy quite good products but I would still reckon it costs less than £5 a day.
He also takes a pot of Kenco Milano instant coffee with him, which is easy as he drinks it black

That's a whole food budget for my family per month he's spending on crap and I do packed lunches for 3 people out of that. Coffees are ok IMO but he needs to take breakfast and lunch from home. Have you shown him on the bank statements how much he's actually spending?

I’d say the average he spends (from seeing the account) is €6.50 at the morning cafe, €7 for lunch, €5 for cigarettes every other day and €10 every other day for drinks after work.

5k euros a year! Fuck. Is there not anything he would rather spend the money on? Savings, holiday, stuff in the house...

We do this with 'pocket money'. We each get it, DH blows his on beer and video games. I save up and go on amazing holidays. Saves me moaning at him about his teenager spending. Saves him moaning at me about dropping thousands on travel.

It sounds like a non-value-laden conversation about joint goals, budget and spending is warranted. If you CAN'T have a lovely pastry because he takes all the disposable cash, that's just not fair. Working out your spending together with a spreadsheet is job 1. No changes, just keeping track for three months. Then discuss.

I don't really have to worry about money but even I wouldn't waste money like this. I take my lunch to work and only really have lunch out at the weekend. I do tend to a get a coffee but thats only on my office days.

I think you need to clearly explain to him that you want some of that money saved so you can do things as a family. Does he know you stress about your household budget?

My DH buys a couple of coffees and lunch on the days he goes to work. I reckon about £15 to £20 a day. No beers or cigarettes. I take a flask to work and a salad made at home and some fruit. Because I am tighter about that sort of thing.

If we were on a strict budget it would be an issue and I would be less than pleased.

This.

Showing him visually will help with his apparent lack of understanding.

He's a twat. My very successful DH takes a thermos of coffee to his office and brings leftovers for lunch. Some people are naturally frugal and some aren't, but your DH has crossed into spendthrift territory.

Show him how much he'd have in a year if half the money were invested.

Not to be pedantic but there is an average of 4.33 weeks in a month, not four weeks. It adds up when you are multiplying expenses or calculating a budget or trying to explain to someone how much they are spending.

By my calculations he is spending €70 a week on eating out plus €45 on booze and cigs, and that's only weekday.s

That is €494 per month or a whopping €5,934 per YEAR on completely discretionary items. And that is NOT counting whatever he does on 52 weekends (104 weekend days) per year.

What is his wage?

Frankly I don't buy all the BS excuses about not being able to take an economical lunch. Workmen have toted lunch pails since long before the days of refrigerators, lightweight insulated carriers and cool boxes.

Do you work? You mention his earnings but not yours.

This is why DH and I have a joint account and separate accounts. Groceries come out of the joint account, lunches bought on the go come out of our personal accounts. DH almost never buys lunch out, whereas I do about 2-3x week, but since I pay for it from 'my' money I feel zero guilt.

I'm the only earner in my family (single parent).
I run a team at work in a high pressure job. I take leftovers from home into work every day. I cook meals most nights as it's cheaper than eating out etc then I take anything left over into work. I regularly have things like a slightly manky looking banana no one else at home wants to eat, plus a yoghurt that's about to go out of date plus a cereal bar and then left over curry or whatever. This is because we are on a budget and I would rather spend any extra on the kids. I do spend money on myself (the gym and socialising with friends) but nowhere near what your husband is spending. The family should come first...