Dh spending lots on daily lunches & coffees

[Ohitspastagainisit]

Do your Dh’s take lunch to work or eat at cafes/restaurant’s for their lunch?

Dh stops at a cafe in the morning before work for a coffee and breakfast/snack, then he either stops at a cafe/restaurant for lunch or Burger king type place or buys lunch from a supermarket-sandwiches, drink, crisps and so on.
Sadly, he smokes, but is trying hard to give up, so often buys a pack every couple of days.
Sometimes after work, he’ll go for a couple of beers at a beach cafe

We aren’t in the uk, so cigarettes are cheaper, but also wages are a lot lower where we are.

I’d say the average he spends (from seeing the account) is €6.50 at the morning cafe, €7 for lunch, €5 for cigarettes every other day and €10 every other day for drinks after work.

I’m finding the supermarket shop to be getting harder, plus the rise of everything else. I don’t want to control what he spends and he does work hard, but does anyone else find this excessive? Starting to feel resentful that i’m adding everything up as I go around the supermarket and having a crap tuna sandwich at home and jar coffee for my lunch.
We’ve tried before to do lunches taken from home, but the large lunch boxes I buy go missing or it just ends up going back this way. I also feel sad because it’s money we could all have (Dh, me and dd) as a coffee and breakfast treat at the weekend maybe once a week

Amazing isn't it! You just hope it's not the same people complaining about tge cist of living 🙄

This kind of spending is the difference between being almost poor or relatively well off. Something that compounds enormously with time. My Father kept us poor with his selfish "petty" drinking, gambling and smoking habits. ie 20 years ago it was £10+ per day, over a year, enough to take 3 decent holidays a year for the two of them, or over the 60 years together enough for a proper house and a big retirement fund.

They are not well paid. They are buying from “chains” eg M&S meal deal, Pret, Burger King. Not some dodgy burger vans .

FFS - most manual workers are not well paid or have their own businesses. You must recognise the type of worker I am referring to?

We lived like this forever, at times by choice in order to get ahead an other times by necessity. Neither myself or partner enjoys takeaway food of any type, and besides shop bought tea or coffee is always horrible. We however are not skinflints and have spent big on quality things at times.

Thank you! I’ve had other replies suggesting these workers are better paid or have their own businesses! No they are not. They are low paid and definitely don’t have other businesses lol

How can you tell from looking at someone?

My ex goes to work most days looking like a total scruff (because of the work he does). He earns 3x what I do (and I am a well paid professional)

because they don’t speak English, get dropped off by a bus, wander round looking bamboozled and stand out like a sore thumb

Selfish prick

time to change bank accounts

have one for literally household bills

put in half

and the rest of your salary you keep

once he is spending his money he may stop

it’s an insane amount to spend every day

Its mindset isn’t it. So hard to change… my DH makes very comfortable income running his own company - and still takes in a sandwich and snacks from home everyday becuase he a) prefers to spend money intentionally on things he likes vs convenience and b) values the confidence he has in the quality of ingredients we keep in our home stores.

can you have a chat with him about bigger financial priorities + see if you can agree a middle ground? A budget for the week maybe?

Had something similar. The ex was spending an absolute packet on lunches/teas etc albeit from their own account. Then they would insist we went to more restaurants at the weekend albeit taken from a joint account. I figured it was an addiction of sorts.

@BettyBardMacDonald

Frankly I don't buy all the BS excuses about not being able to take an economical lunch. Workmen have toted lunch pails since long before the days of refrigerators, lightweight insulated carriers and cool boxes.

I agree. And buying lunches at KFC etc is ridiculously expensive and unnecessary on a regular basis. If he's buying from supermarkets, he should be doing their meal deals with a store loyalty card. Drink, bag of crisps and a sandwich for £3.50 is enough to spend on a daily basis. But even better to take packed lunches and a flask. KFC/Burger King etc should be the exception rather than the norm, as should stopping off paying a few quid a pop for a Costa Coffee or Starbucks.

Low paid manual workers often don't have the facilities to store and prepare food at home to bring to work. Imagine living in densely packed shared accommodation where people take your ham from the fridge, use you lunch box as an ashtray and no one ever washes up. In the OPs case her DH could clearly bring food from home but not everyone can. Don't forget it costs more to be poor.

Cunningfungus, I know exactly what you are driving at. You're not talking about people living in desolate conditions I don't think (?) Your comment was aimed at workers who spend more than they can afford of their income on takeaway food. Their choice, obviously. Every one chooses how to spend their money.

I like you, have never been tempted to spend upwards of £5 per day , when I could spend a fraction and have a healthier lunch.

Your husband is an inconsiderate a**hole. You and your daughter shouldn't have to suffer because he's such a selfish pig. Tell him you want x amount of money every month for groceries. Anything he spends on lunch after that is up to him. If he says no, I think you need to divorce. If he says no he does not respect, or love, you and your daughter. Please don't let your daughter grow up thinking this is the way she should let men treat her. Stop being such a doormat.

DH earns well and COULD buy every day. He never does. I make larger dinners and he takes left overs every day. He’d prefer us to have great holidays and memories than a shitty shop sandwich or a Greggs on the daily