Dh spending lots on daily lunches & coffees

[Ohitspastagainisit]

Do your Dh’s take lunch to work or eat at cafes/restaurant’s for their lunch?

Dh stops at a cafe in the morning before work for a coffee and breakfast/snack, then he either stops at a cafe/restaurant for lunch or Burger king type place or buys lunch from a supermarket-sandwiches, drink, crisps and so on.
Sadly, he smokes, but is trying hard to give up, so often buys a pack every couple of days.
Sometimes after work, he’ll go for a couple of beers at a beach cafe

We aren’t in the uk, so cigarettes are cheaper, but also wages are a lot lower where we are.

I’d say the average he spends (from seeing the account) is €6.50 at the morning cafe, €7 for lunch, €5 for cigarettes every other day and €10 every other day for drinks after work.

I’m finding the supermarket shop to be getting harder, plus the rise of everything else. I don’t want to control what he spends and he does work hard, but does anyone else find this excessive? Starting to feel resentful that i’m adding everything up as I go around the supermarket and having a crap tuna sandwich at home and jar coffee for my lunch.
We’ve tried before to do lunches taken from home, but the large lunch boxes I buy go missing or it just ends up going back this way. I also feel sad because it’s money we could all have (Dh, me and dd) as a coffee and breakfast treat at the weekend maybe once a week

My ex did the same. Earnt half what I did but would spend £30 a week on coffees
I kept telling him to take a flash to work

Turns out he was cheating so likely using my salary to buy the ow coffee!

I think your DH is inconsiderate of his family. I don’t have a solution just feel annoyed on your behalf!

I'm still shaking my head over this. €500 a month (and probably more; people always estimate low) on junk.

I like treats too but every day is a habit, not a treat.

Why does he think he's too good for supermarket food taken in a lunch pail? So what if he doesn't "like" sandwiches or wraps. Many a workman has made it through the day on a ham sandwich or two and an apple.

Apart from the expense, I'd be worried about his health

I couldn't be with or have any respect for a man who chose to feed himself and treat himself whilst the food budget for the family was being cut.

Why not ask him to take a flask of coffee, he could take another with soup in it, some fruit and that would be much cheaper.

👏

This ! OP you need to sit down with DH and show him how it adds up - this could pay for a nice family holiday . You should not be struggling to do the supermarket shop if he is spending this each day - insanity!

My DH does this but gets expenses paid so not a problem. I've always taken lunch amd drinks to work with me, wouldn't have enough time to go out and buy anyway. Xx

He has annoyed me so much! I’m seething with anger.
I bought things on Monday for lunches for the week-large baguettes, cheese & ham etc. The first day he didn’t take any, I texted snd asked why and he said he wasnt hungry, then today, ive looked and he’s also not taken any of the food and €20 is gone, some was for cigarettes-maybe €4 here, so the rest, he’s obviously taken for lunch! We’re on an extremely tight budget at present as I only work part time as have to look after my Dd who has special needs. I now have €140 to last until next Friday for food and petrol. Tired of eating pasta and not being able to take Dd anywhere or to get some simple crafts. Just texted him a long message at work saying this

Plus the baguettes will likely go hard now

Did you tell him that he's frittering away more than €5000 per year?

This sounds like the tip of the iceberg.

I said what some days (not every day) are like, the cafe in the morning, lunch, drinks after work & cigarettes and that some weeks can add up to €100 per week, €400 a month

I suspect that your partner/husband thinks that he works, so he can spend his money how he wishes to

Secondly, he probably doesn't care that he is spending lots on food

At some work places it is the ritual of all going to the
Canteen
Food truck that visits work
Into town for a meal deal

A pack lunch may be seen as the worst type of lunch

Can you cut your bills or expenses elsewhere?

Some banks are offering free money if you switch to their bank

PS
Buy soft rolls or bread, not baguettes for packed lunch

How do your finances work in terms of disposable income?

but he is so selfish and denying his child things so he can eat lunch

It's more than €400 per month. There is an average 4.3 weeks per month.

How much of his annual post-tax earnings is €5000?

I do similar, it helps me get through the work day / work week, and keeps me sane. If we were struggling I like to think I could cut back.

Have you pointed out how much this adds up to over the year, ie around 5,000? Sometimes seeing it like this instead of just small amounts every day can help it sink in just how much is being wasted.

Otherwise I think you’ll need to start handling the family finances differently, eg there’s a family pot which covers bills, weekly food shop, children’s clothes, occasional trips out as a family etc, then whatever’s left over can be spilt into your own personal pots to be spent as you wish. All his cafe lunches, snacks, cigarettes etc have to come out of his personal pot and when it’s gone, it’s gone.

My partner would do this, but when he was single.
your husband needs to cop on, I’m in the eu and wouldn’t spend 20 plus euros a day on coffees and lunches
tell him meal deals exist, if he must eat out every single day.

If he is taking lunch money out of a joint bills account, then you need to take out what you need before he helps himself again. Selfish git. He needs to suffer the consequences of his actions.
@Ohitspastagainisit You need to sort out separate accounts asap so he can't leave you short for family food whilst he swans around buying whatever he fancies.

Withdraw the cash you need or transfer to your own account. You need a balance diet and your child deserves to have experiences. He is beyond selfish.

I have had a very similar problem with my other half. I earn far more but recently had a baby so am now on maternity leave which obviously means less money and us needing to budget more. He was buying a combination of beers/snacks/tobacco every day and like yours it was totalling around at least £100 a week. As others have suggested, we've had to sit down and I've had to break down bank statements and make it very clear just how much his 'it's just a few beers' and his tenner spend here and there is adding up to!

My husband did similar for years, it drove me mad.

He's better now but it took a long time.

@Kitchencakereduced wrote that
At some work places it is the ritual of all going to the
Canteen
Food truck that visits work
Into town for a meal deal

Is he doing the same as his workmates, @Ohitspastagainisit ? If they all earn about the same amount but they don’t have children perhaps he wants to keep up with them in the way he used to do.

It’s hard to get someone to accept things are different now, especially when their lives haven’t changed as much as yours has had to.