Stranger asked for sex.

[SoreHeadAgainnnnn]

So this was really weird!! ...

(For context, I'm late 40s, married 20yrs, two kids, two dogs, average and tired looking!)

I took my dogs out for a walk yesterday. We were walking through a field and I heard a man's voice. Looked up and there was a man on a bike (maybe late 20s/early 30s, scruffy looking (the mum in me thought 'you could do with a bath') on the adjacent path (which is just up the bank from where I was - so maybe 15 foot away or so)).

He said 'can you have sex with me?'. I thought I must have misheard so asked him to repeat what he said and he said 'can you have sex with me?' Again I thought I can't have heard right! So I said 'can I have what?' and he said 'sex' and repeated 'sex' a few times, then was quite insistent 'can we have sex??'

I told him No. No! Several times. They, in a really kid like voice he said 'pleeeeeeeeeeaase' like he was begging me for some screen time or sweets!! I said 'no. No way. Go and find yourself a girlfriend'.

Then he sounded quite annoyed and said 'why not?' in a way that made it sound like I was being unreasonable to deny him sex!!!! I said 'well for starters I'm married!' (though there were obviously MULTIPLE reasons why I would not have sex with some random stranger in a field!!!!) At that point he went on his way!

It was quite intimidating and I can't believe he just thought it was ok to ask this!!

Further along the walk, I went into some woods. I was feeling a bit worried I'd bump into him or he'd come back and rape me (catastophising I know, but anyway..) then I saw two large trowel type tools - which looked like weapons like kind of wide trowel shaped swords, really big with serrated edges, stuck down in a tree trunk'. It completely freaked me out!!

My dogs and I survived the walk !! But so many weird things have happened on that walk in the last few months, with yesterday's two incidents being the worst.

AIBU never to walk the dogs there again?

But I have nowhere else walking distance to walk them!

Also - do a anyone know what these trowel shaped weapons are? I tried to Google 'large trowel shaped weapons serrated edge' but nothing like what I saw came up! Anyone know why they might've been there? (They definitely weren't innocently left by the charitable tree planting types. These were definitely purposely put there and looked like a signal or warning or something. They also looked expensive so I kept looking around as I can't imagine the person who put them there would've been far away as they wouldn't want to loose them or get them nicked)

I can't understand for the life of me why 1. You are asking if you would be unreasonable to not go on that walk again after having some stranger approach you asking for sex and 2. You are posting pics of some really menacing looking tools or weapons that happened to be stuck in a tree just after that encounter and wondering if they are connected? I would have got the hell away from there straight away, not carried on the walk and would have called the police and my husband.

I don’t want to scare you but if that guy had bad intentions (which it sounds like!) then having your dogs with you is likely what scared him off.
Im so glad you’ve reported it, well done!
A female walking alone, without dogs could be the perfect victim, if you get no responses from the police, you could consider contacting your local councillors or MP, to apply some pressure to them. You could even ask a trusted friend to do this for you, if you’d feel more comfortable.

Please try not to let the police or anyone make you feel bad. You deserve to be heard and taken seriously! For yourself and for other women!

You were worried he would come back and rape you yet you walked into the woods ! Please take your own safety more seriously. Please report this incident to the Police.

you should report this to the police, it will add to any existing intelligence they may already have on this man or get him on their radar if this is the first time he had tried to cause fear and distress. He could escalate his currently unpleasant behaviour to something physical against the next woman or girl unfortunate to encounter him. And no, you were not catastrophising to worry about being raped, sadly this is the fear that all women and girls have at the back of our minds as we get on with our lives. I was seriously sexually assaulted by a stranger who started following me when I was walking home from work, and I will guarantee that every female you know will have at least one story to tell about a dodgy encounter with a male

It is very common to be in a state of shock and confusion when unusual unpleasant things happen.

On another note, I have seen people post ‘warnings’ in local Facebook groups etc, when something like this or similar happens. It may gain attention that forces the police etc to act.

i understand you may not wish to do something so public, even if posting anonymously. Maybe you could ask your husband or trusted friend to post something on your behalf? Just a thought.

Either way, you have definitely ‘done your due diligence’ in reporting the incidence.
Look after yourself.

Sorry, I don't know why I have had a different response to you. I've reported it now. I just think although I was a bit scared, I didn't really have the reflex that other people might have. I also just think I thought maybe I was being dramatic, or well, nothing actually has happened. I'm not harmed, noone has actually hurt me, etc.. so maybe I thought I was exaggerating it all in my mind or something... I don't know! 🤷 I generally don't have a great danger reflex. I tend to react by freezing and being overly polite in situations that might be threatening (rather than say, fleeing or fighting)

Have you posted on local FB/whatsapp OP? Other women should be given a heads up, and you might find someone comes forward who's had a similar experience.

As a dog owner who's frequently out and about in fields etc where there in no one else in shouting distance this sort of thing makes me furious. Why can't men just leave us alone? It's unnerving at least, and means women often end up changing their routine because of some creep. It's not paranoia, it's based on mine and friends experiences. And unfortunately having dogs with you doesn't guarantee your safety.

This goes without saying but that is an obvious 999 call there and then.

I once reported a man through the online system for standing suspiciously in a bush. It’s hard to articulate, but there was a sinister vibe from him. As I said in my report, I wasn’t sure if he was staring at me, my young teenager or my dog, but he was incredibly intent. I fully expected to find him masturbating as we passed, and it felt very wrong.

it was taken more seriously than I expected, and we were visited by police that day to take statements.

Turns out it rang bells to the police re a pattern of behaviour, hence them appreciating the report. A few months later he was convicted and jailed for a sex attack on a teenage boy.

It's definitely not usual. I've had ran

This - I once saw a dead body floating down the river whilst I was walking to work. I got to work and told the first person I saw and they were like "Why the hell didn't you phone 999?!" I was like "Well they're already dead so it's not an emergency". But the truth is I was in shock - I did of course call 999 after I spoke to my colleague but I can understand the feeling of being shocked and confused then trying to minimise what happened in your head. Also it being drilled into your head from a young age not to bother the emergency services unless it's an emergency.

Don't know why I can't edit that!

I've had random guys come up to me, but I'd always beware a creepy feeling.

It could have ended up much much worse! i'd report him to the police.

Thank you. I wasn't asking for sympathy. How do you know that cutting off conversation wouldn't have angered him and led him to be aggressive? We all handle things differently. As it happens, my way of handling it ended well. I don't know how he would have responded of I'd blanked him or been aggressive. Noone does. We all handle things differently. I'm sorry I didn't respond as you would have responded. But we never quite know what the 'right' response is.

Report this to the police. This happened to me with a guy who lived in my neighbourhood. Turned out he was living in the community under the care of social services but he had stopped taking his medication (for something like paranoia or schizophrenia). Social services got on his case again, he started taking his medication again, and all returned to normal. I was not the only woman he had approached and if he had continued without his medication is could only have got worse.

We have a “community route” here where lots of people walk dogs and ride bikes etc. 2 local B+Bs are being used as halfway houses and there are incidents sometimes of bikes being stolen and women being harassed. There’s one guy who clearly has mental health issues and wanders along with his bare arse hanging out of his trousers. Police will act if there is evidence of who has done wrong and it stops for a bit, but a lot of us have changed how and when we use that route as the risk is now known.

Police can’t fix the lack of support for the mental health issues, unfortunately.

@Ilikeadrink14 your post is so nasty and uncalled for! Easy for you to say how she should have reacted.

I recently had a man acting a bit odd around me when i walking through a field near home. I decided to abandon the walk and head home - the quickest way would've meant walking v close to him & take me through a wooded area, walking away from him would've taken longer and also meant going through a wooded area, then long dirt track to the road.
Sometimes there is no 'safe' or logical route out of a situation, and sometimes we freeze and don't think straight. Either way, the fault for what happened is entirely with this wanker and not OP.

I am gobsmacked by the victim blaming in this post.

This post has just given me flashbacks to being a teenager. I used to get approached by men when I was about 17, asking randomly if I'd have sex with them. In my case I wonder if it was my being alone and slightly visibly odd and them thinking that clearly I must be desperate for sex.

None of them ever did anything strange with tools as far as I know. They were just entitled and assuming that any lone woman must be gagging for it. I mastered the art of the 'fuck off and die' look and they left me alone. Never even crossed my mind to report any of them.

Definitely report OP. Some absolute maniacs around. I would also be carrying an alarm and some deep heat spray, you know in case you get any sore muscles on your walk 😉 works the exact same way as something else you're not allowed to carry on you works.

This happened to me once , many years ago in a park. The person harassing me was a child ! A young teenage boy, 13 or 14 at most. He followed me home hassling me and asking me for sex. It was horrible and although he was shorter than me (I’m quite tall), he was stocky and strong looking. I did call the police but I was early 20s and felt stupid because he was a teen, I avoided that park every after. It was a shock, and I was frightened even though he was so young. I didn’t hear anything else, the police just told me to report it if it happened again.

So many people telling the OP to report to the police, after her post saying she has reported to the police.