Stranger asked for sex.

[SoreHeadAgainnnnn]

So this was really weird!! ...

(For context, I'm late 40s, married 20yrs, two kids, two dogs, average and tired looking!)

I took my dogs out for a walk yesterday. We were walking through a field and I heard a man's voice. Looked up and there was a man on a bike (maybe late 20s/early 30s, scruffy looking (the mum in me thought 'you could do with a bath') on the adjacent path (which is just up the bank from where I was - so maybe 15 foot away or so)).

He said 'can you have sex with me?'. I thought I must have misheard so asked him to repeat what he said and he said 'can you have sex with me?' Again I thought I can't have heard right! So I said 'can I have what?' and he said 'sex' and repeated 'sex' a few times, then was quite insistent 'can we have sex??'

I told him No. No! Several times. They, in a really kid like voice he said 'pleeeeeeeeeeaase' like he was begging me for some screen time or sweets!! I said 'no. No way. Go and find yourself a girlfriend'.

Then he sounded quite annoyed and said 'why not?' in a way that made it sound like I was being unreasonable to deny him sex!!!! I said 'well for starters I'm married!' (though there were obviously MULTIPLE reasons why I would not have sex with some random stranger in a field!!!!) At that point he went on his way!

It was quite intimidating and I can't believe he just thought it was ok to ask this!!

Further along the walk, I went into some woods. I was feeling a bit worried I'd bump into him or he'd come back and rape me (catastophising I know, but anyway..) then I saw two large trowel type tools - which looked like weapons like kind of wide trowel shaped swords, really big with serrated edges, stuck down in a tree trunk'. It completely freaked me out!!

My dogs and I survived the walk !! But so many weird things have happened on that walk in the last few months, with yesterday's two incidents being the worst.

AIBU never to walk the dogs there again?

But I have nowhere else walking distance to walk them!

Also - do a anyone know what these trowel shaped weapons are? I tried to Google 'large trowel shaped weapons serrated edge' but nothing like what I saw came up! Anyone know why they might've been there? (They definitely weren't innocently left by the charitable tree planting types. These were definitely purposely put there and looked like a signal or warning or something. They also looked expensive so I kept looking around as I can't imagine the person who put them there would've been far away as they wouldn't want to loose them or get them nicked)

Jolly? I'm not getting that at all. She sounds somewhat stunned to me.

Bloody hell. You weren't catastrophising at all when you considered that he might rape you, I'd say he's gearing up to do just that to a woman.

That's a natural response, isn't it? To be shocked and a bit flummoxed. Especially as women we are conditioned to think it's just part of our situation.

100% agree, you need to report that, God forbid he finds someone next who isn't so confident dealing with his sexual harassment.

He's a public liability.

I suspect this was another one of those men who randomly try out the so-called 'Pick Up Artist' technique, as regularly practised by Incels being advised by the Manosphere. There's an increasing problem with it - which is another reason why it was a good idea to report. Edited to say I'm happy to read that you have done this!

Hi Op, Hope your ok after this nasty encounter! I know you've now said your reporting the incident which is good, just to point out I do understand why you didn't instantly do it as I've been in a similar situation before and you go into a weird daze type 'is this actually happening' mode (although when I told my DH he was like you have reported it right)

I'm glad you got back home safely and hope your ok! As for the tools in the tree I'd mabye mention this too just so if they need they can go retrieve them be it they are there innocently or mabye not . Im not sure what they could be personally please do come back and let us know how you've got on. Good luck x

I remember many years ago a similar encounter in big London park (he had filmed me without my consent as I was sunbathing), as the creep was trying to engage me talking I took a picture of him with my phone and told him to get lost. I went to the closest police station, filed a complaint and gave the pic to a cop. Apparently this man was doing the same to other women, there were numerous complaints. One year later he got arrested in part thanks to my photo.

Always try to take a photo of them.

Thanks

I hope you are OK OP. This man was out of order entirely but this thread is also horrendous. I absolutely relate to your feeling of this being normal enough not to report. It absolutely is normalised, especially for people of our age, we 100% grew up with this type of incident being just part of the cost of being female in public and a very regular type of experience. It absolutely should not be the case in any way and it is NEVER your fault.

Still to this day, if reported every incident of a strange man speaking to me about sex or my body in public uninvited I’d be on the phone to the police every other week. As it is I only tend to report now when it is my daughters. The instinct to freeze, minimise and not need the hassle is strong. I completely understand it. Lots of men are creeps. And in my decades of encountering creeps and being followed, assaulted, flashed, harangued, harassed and intimidated frequently in public places the police have only ever caught the guy and done something about it once.

I can’t believe people are giving you are hard time for walking through some trees. That’s the way home! If you’ve walked through them to get there in many cases you walk through them to get back, and the way out of the fields is through the copses and over the stiles unless you want to start launching yourself and a dog over stone walls and five bar gates. There’s nothing inherently more dangerous about being in the trees than there is being on a path in a field - more ways out of the woods, often, and more places to shelter!

OP, I'd following up the report to the police by sticking something on the local FB page. Say you've reported it, but also give a warning to other women. It might even make the police take it more seriously

(When I got hit by a car and broke bones in a hit and run, the police did nothing! So i feel like they'll just laugh at me over this?)

What is the reason they gave for not pursuing this as it's clearly a criminal act.

Obviously. That's why I said it.

Yes, I'm just agreeing.

I second this

A year or so ago we had a very similar man to the individual OP describes asking women passers by for sex. The police took it very seriously, several reports had been made and everything shared on local Facebook pages. He was picked up by police and cautioned.

It's hugely important to report these incidents, as a number of PP have mentioned perpetrators can and do escalate their behaviour. Glad you decided to post OP otherwise you'd not have had that encouragement to report. I think we need to teach kids at school the importance or reporting such behaviours as well, I've also been guilty of saying nothing when I was younger due to shock or thinking 'oh, he didn't actually DO anything physically' or 'nobody would believe me'. Sad.

Apologies.

You’re minimising. Report it to the police - you won’t be the only one he’s done this to, so it needs to be documented. Why would you engage in conversation with him instead of getting away from him and why would you venture into woods after this encounter ?

Might this be what you mean?
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Root-Slayer-Radius-RS220-001-Serrated/dp/B0DB6K4RS7?source=ps-sl-shoppingads-lpcontext&ref_=fplfs&psc=1&smid=A23KYFSG7QI0N5&gQT=1

I'm glad you got away unscathed! I don't think I'd have even entered in to a conversation with him after being asked for sex....how scary!
You certainly wasn't catastrophising....reading this made me think of poor Rachel Nickell...if you remember her 😢
I'd definitely report to the police...he will almost certainly do this to another woman....I'd have been really scared.

It never ceases to amaze me how many people comment without actually reading the full post.

She says

Thank you.
I have reported it online now.

Yes, I agree. It will probably come to nothing, but who knows. Also, if a lady is later raped or assaulted in the same area the police will have something to go on.

I have had a couple of incidents like this. My local woods used to be so lovely, but then they were hacked down to make room for two giant housing estates. Now all kinds of odd men from those estates mooch around the paths where I walk my dog. I’ve been followed a couple times, and once or twice had things muttered to me, though nothing like you experienced.

Contact the Police. Put up a notice on local SM etc describing event / him too.
He is either dangerous or very unwell. Both need professional help.
The tools might be used as weapons or by someone camping out.
I'd mention them too but the main thing is that he is persistently asking strangers for sex in an isolated area.
Men rape women, from babies to 90 year olds so personal circs are less relevant but I can quite see why anyone would be shocked & unsure what to do.
I'd just tell the Police what you have said here. Then you have done all you can.

I'd imagine he's mentally ill probably harmless but I would probably report it on non emergency line as whilst it wouldn't bother me too much it might someone younger etc.

OP, I see you have, sorry x

This !