Stranger asked for sex.

[SoreHeadAgainnnnn]

So this was really weird!! ...

(For context, I'm late 40s, married 20yrs, two kids, two dogs, average and tired looking!)

I took my dogs out for a walk yesterday. We were walking through a field and I heard a man's voice. Looked up and there was a man on a bike (maybe late 20s/early 30s, scruffy looking (the mum in me thought 'you could do with a bath') on the adjacent path (which is just up the bank from where I was - so maybe 15 foot away or so)).

He said 'can you have sex with me?'. I thought I must have misheard so asked him to repeat what he said and he said 'can you have sex with me?' Again I thought I can't have heard right! So I said 'can I have what?' and he said 'sex' and repeated 'sex' a few times, then was quite insistent 'can we have sex??'

I told him No. No! Several times. They, in a really kid like voice he said 'pleeeeeeeeeeaase' like he was begging me for some screen time or sweets!! I said 'no. No way. Go and find yourself a girlfriend'.

Then he sounded quite annoyed and said 'why not?' in a way that made it sound like I was being unreasonable to deny him sex!!!! I said 'well for starters I'm married!' (though there were obviously MULTIPLE reasons why I would not have sex with some random stranger in a field!!!!) At that point he went on his way!

It was quite intimidating and I can't believe he just thought it was ok to ask this!!

Further along the walk, I went into some woods. I was feeling a bit worried I'd bump into him or he'd come back and rape me (catastophising I know, but anyway..) then I saw two large trowel type tools - which looked like weapons like kind of wide trowel shaped swords, really big with serrated edges, stuck down in a tree trunk'. It completely freaked me out!!

My dogs and I survived the walk !! But so many weird things have happened on that walk in the last few months, with yesterday's two incidents being the worst.

AIBU never to walk the dogs there again?

But I have nowhere else walking distance to walk them!

Also - do a anyone know what these trowel shaped weapons are? I tried to Google 'large trowel shaped weapons serrated edge' but nothing like what I saw came up! Anyone know why they might've been there? (They definitely weren't innocently left by the charitable tree planting types. These were definitely purposely put there and looked like a signal or warning or something. They also looked expensive so I kept looking around as I can't imagine the person who put them there would've been far away as they wouldn't want to loose them or get them nicked)

I think incel behaviour is becoming increasingly prominent. Very weird attitudes to sex and women have reemerged. We as a society have 100% taken a step back in this regard in recent years. No doubt social media has a role to play

As an aside, it is shocking the amount of times I get approached by men on dog walks. I have a big old German Shepherd and men will STILL try it on. And I do not live in a rough area at all, quite the opposite. It’s very disturbing.

Sometimes I question how the men approaching me even know I’m female with all the baggy clothing, hoodies and puffer jackets I wear. It feels compulsive.

I'm so sorry OP.that is horrible. I am pleased you have reported it. Honestly I'd have done 999 for that in the middle of a deserted place. I hope you get some response from the police. Those tools look like they could do damage as well.

Everyone is an expert op.

We all act differently in the moment. That's why there are several responses to danger... fight, flight, fawn or freeze. It was normal for you. Not everyone can be a superhero in the moment. I would have probably acted like you as well.

You were obviously bothered by it so you came on here for advice. People sure do love to pile online.

Plus hindsight is a wonderful thing!

and we are socialised to accept and/or minimise some of the "low grade" things that happen to us. When I was young indecent exposure was not taken seriously but it causes real distress and alarm and it can be a precursor of very serious offences. Sarah Everad's killer being a prime example of this. This is why we should report things but having said that I do understand why people can be reluctant to

Op you are absolutely not catastrophizing!

i read the news/crime/local news a lot everyday, the amount of women and girls attacked and assaulted by complete strangers even in broad daylight in public areas is insane!

I don’t think people realise how extremely common it is. So many assaults in parks near me. One 50 year old woman 10 minute walk away from me 3 years ago was raped and killed as she was coming home from hospital by a man who was on the same bus as her.

just a few recent stories

Man who murdered dog walker near Kent beach sentenced to life in prison

A former chef, who sexually assaulted and murdered a woman while she was walking her dog in Kent

Claire, who was a local artist, did not know her attacker.

https://www.itv.com/news/meridian/2025-02-28/man-who-murdered-dog-walker-near-beach-jailed-for-life

The day before the murder, Lawrence-Van Pooss had been caught upskirting a woman at a pub in Birchington.

EXCLUSIVEPictured: Man, 55, charged with murder of mother-of-six Anita Rose who was attacked while walking her dog on a remote path three months ago

@SoreHeadAgainnnnn You don't seem to have very much ''Situational awareness'' - Going into woods after that encounter is absolute madness.

As to engaging with a stranger like this, never talk to them or give attention, just keep going, walking confidently, and get to where there are other people as soon as possible.

As to the tools, forget those, just report to police.

To PP who suggest 'mace', it's illegal in UK and considered a firearm.

It's hard to purchase here.

I hear you! One of the most unsettling things that happened to me recently was this lad riding really close to me on his bike on the pavement when I was in town and he hissed into my face " you is an old bitch, too old for sex, get off the street and get home" There seems to be such hatred and disgust for women at every life stage . It was so weird and disturbing that I thought I had imagined it, some males just bloody hate us

@Blinko Easy targeting of lone women walking. Regardless of the size of the dogs. Made the mistake (once) of taking partner's dog for a walk on the usual route at the usual time without him. Two men (that we regularly passed) took it as a free chance to be crude and creepy. 70kg Newfie would have be less than useless as defence, would probably try to chase leaves up a tree if lead was dropped. Never did it again.

When you post something on Mumsnet instead of reporting it to the police.... 🤔

We really have to address this pesty men thing. It is totally unacceptable.

I went to university in London (2016-19). And the few times a group of us girls got separated from the guys on a night out we had men SWARMING us. It’s no exaggeration. You’d be walking and one person on the left would be saying hello, you’d say no thanks and then up pops a guy on the right trying it on ad nauseum. I’m taking 20 guys approaching us whilst we walked/ran from the club to the uber. They saw girls dressed up and felt entitled. Luckily a lot the university guys knew we had to be “protected”. It should not be like this.

I can only imagine it’s got worse.

I know it’s a different scenario but it comes from the same place….misogyny. And men thinking they have a right to women’s bodies. It boils my blood!

@Yerdug

That’s unfair. Sometimes when unexpected or unsettling things happen we need some confirmation or time for reflection. A sense check of ‘this was weird wasn’t it’ is a normal and sensible reaction.

We don’t all think clearly when the adrenaline is flowing and we’re scared or unsettled.

This was his first go at approaching someone, next time he will be flashing, and it escalates from there.

Do report him.

WHY haven't you reported to police, @SoreHeadAgainnnnn ?

You have gone into a lot of detail about what he said, even making him repeat himself several times , when for your own safety and the safety of other women and children you should have reported it to police.

I'm so surprised that you appeared so complacent over this encounter OP.

To me, it was just short of rape.

He asked you several times for sex.

I'd have run a mile not asked him to repeat what he asked.

I can't see why you weren't contacting the police immediately.

This was potential sexual assault.

If you read ALL by the OP, she's updated and has reported it online, she says.

Omg so my auntie just reminded me this happened to her. She was attacked like this in early 90s. She was walking home from work, to her husband and baby. He nicely asked her a few times then left her. 30 minutes later someone began strangling her from behind. There were people near, it was like a party or wedding, but they were all drunk out of their minds, loud and partying. What saved her was her very long nails, she dug into his face as hard as she could. Her finally let go. When she got home, her nails were covered in blood and there was even his flesh left under her nails…

im so sorry this happened to you op.

cant even walk your dog in peace

It’s sad isn’t it? Women in 2025 feeling unsafe to walk their dogs on UK streets because of MEN.

its unacceptable really.

WHY haven’t you read the OP’s updates before guilt-tripping her?

Can’t believe anyone would question the ops account - men are bloody weird and disgusting the number of grim things I’ve had said to me over the years is too long to even begin to write out.

Bad luck op very unpleasant and unsettling.

My own dog is hopeless {She's a therapy dog} but her litter sister is an absolute firebrand.

Looked after her sister for a day and felt so safe - she lunged and went ballistic at a man as we were walking- my own dog was 😯.

Even dogs of the same breed can be very different, but I do think it's an advantage to have a ''suspicious dog''.

However, many years ago there were a couple of nasty attacks on {Separate} women who had German Shepherds walking in London parks/commons.

It’s terrible. My fiance refuses to allow our German Shepherd to stay with my sister and her husband in London like he used to in the past. Things have become so antisocial and violent. We know my sister would have to walk the dog on her own occasional and there are just too many nutters now.

I agree.

Women and girls are socialised & heavily conditioned not to say "No" to men, and to take on men's appalling & disgusting behaviour as if we caused it.

It's a shame response.

It works very well to keep women & girls in their place.

Sad that a site set up for women to support women starts victim-blaming @SoreHeadAgainnnnn

I know my response to sexual harassment is surprise & fear. Surprise that another human being should be so disgusting as to harass me - surprise that a man simply sees me as a body there for his pleasure, rather than seeing me as another human being - and fear of what his greater strength and awfulness could do to me.

@TheaBrandt1 Me too. To the point that these days there's very little I find surprising.

Why you responded in a way that allies with social norms, like ‘I’m married’ is a legitimate fear response, don’t escalate. Fight, flight, fawn. We don’t all turn into Rambo when we’re under threat. I actually think it’s a good answer. Non-confrontational and shows you’re a ‘good woman.’ Sad world we live in.

He’s already committed a crime. My worry would be it’s a guy who’s building up to more than talking. Maybe a self-justification - ‘I asked x amount of them nicely’.

I wouldn’t walk the dogs around there. Inconvenience is a pain in the arse but it’s preferable to a lot of alternatives. The issue with personal attack alarms is you need to be within earshot of others for them to actually work. Sure some assailants will run away but what if they panic in a different direction? Sprays require proximity.

Probably a good idea to get this out there whether on FB or whatever so local women - and children- are warned.

Anyones who thinks it’s weird to walk into the “woods” which has been described as “scruffy woods near farmers fields” clearly doesn’t walk much ever!

Weirdo behind you on the public footpath through the field? Going to walk back past them are you? Or you change tack completely and head off the path? If you are seeking the safety of other people your best chance is to be on the PROW absolutely - unless you think it’s safer to heading off track through the crops to an unknown corner where you’ll be blocked in by a wall and a stream? Heading off the public footpath usually means getting blocked in somehow and having to jump a dyke/climb a wall/squeeze under barbed wire/ through a herd of cattle/any one of multiple natural and man made barriers. Continuing on the public footpath forward, a familiar route to the OP, the planned route that others would look for her on if something happened, with the highest chance of meeting another dog walker etc, is absolutely the correct course even if it has some trees on it!

”Woods” are many, multiple, at the edges of most fields, surrounding most waterways, and completely unavoidable on the vast majority or rural routes.