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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

18 year old solo traveler. Would you allow this?

264 replies

Pippyls67 · 10/03/2025 10:48

My Ds wants to travel. I’ve never traveled with him. Budget constraints and I’m a very nervous person who has chronic depression and avoids new things . All rather sad for him but I’m glad to say he wants to break out and do it anyway. I have some money saved now and can afford to finance him. AI B U tho to let him go alone. He doesn’t have friends who want to travel at all. Would you say yes or do you think I should insist he goes on an organised young persons type thing instead. I don’t know if any at all though. Does anyone out there have any suggestions? He wants to see and experience things as he’s been terribly sheltered and constrained by me I’m ashamed to say. I’m proud and pleased he wants to grow in confidence himself and live a lot more. What do people think? Any and all advice and suggestions welcome. He loves the idea of Scandinavian countries and also really wants to go to Rome.

OP posts:

Peppercorncrunch · 10/03/2025 10:50

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Iknowaboutpopular · 10/03/2025 10:50

I think at 18, it's not your choice. He's an adult.

I mean you can advise him on what you think he should do . But insist? No.

IggyAce · 10/03/2025 10:50

He’s 18 an adult, he doesn’t need your permission. You admit you have already sheltered him, time to let him fly.

MrsSkylerWhite · 10/03/2025 10:51

He’s 18. You can offer an opinion. You can’t insist on anything.

Feedingpillow · 10/03/2025 10:52

I think the OP probably feels she can stipulate some conditions if she’s fully(?) financing it.

SUPerSaver721 · 10/03/2025 10:53

He's an adult. You don't get to choose. You can't stop him. He's had a very sheltered life with a depressed mother who has brought him no where. He wants to go travelling, see the world and try new things.

Original poster

Pippyls67 · 10/03/2025 10:55

Feedingpillow · 10/03/2025 10:52

I think the OP probably feels she can stipulate some conditions if she’s fully(?) financing it.

Yes. This exactly. I’m fully financing it. I’m really hoping someone knows of someone else in the same position or something that might be available as an organisation. It’s a big world to be out in all alone!

OP posts:

Ahsheeit · 10/03/2025 10:55

Let him, but ask to sort out an itinerary with him, so he's knows exactly where he's going, hours he's going to do it and what funds he needs. Let him do most of the legwork. He can do this safely, as long as he's fairly organised and fully aware of risks.

Icanttakethisanymore · 10/03/2025 10:55

I was going to say 'it's not your choice' but clearly if you are funding it then you could technically impose restrictions, I wouldn't though, if I were you. Encourage him to go to countries which will be easy for him to navigate as an inexperienced traveler; Scandinavian countries will be culturally easy for him and most people speak english but they will be expensive.

Oftenaddled · 10/03/2025 10:56

Alone is fine I think - sometimes a bit safer as less peer pressure.

My advice is, have a good look at travel insurance and data allowances on roaming, book accommodation in advance and get him printed city guides and maps to go with his phone. Make sure he is set up with online banking and a debit card. Agree contact arrangements. Rome and Scandinavia (broadly speaking) sound good places to start.

CoralDreamer · 10/03/2025 10:56

I understand you’d be nervous, especially as he hasn’t travelled before. What sort of person is he? Is he strong minded, capable, easily lead by others, too trusting? I think this would have a big bearing on how happy I’d be.
He is an adult, and he should absolutely travel and see the world. But could he start off on an arranged trip with other young people so he gets to grips with airports, transfers etc before maybe going solo for the last part of his trip once he has some experience?

suah · 10/03/2025 10:56

He’s an adult. If he prefers to travel alone then that’s what he should do. If he likes the idea of a group tour then he can do that. But it should be his choice and not what you ‘allow’.

The places you mention are very easy to travel alone and really no need for a tour. I could understand a tour more if there was going to be a big language barrier or if he wanted to go somewhere more off the beaten path but Scandinavia and Rome really aren’t either of those.

titchy · 10/03/2025 10:57

He's planning Scandinavia and Rome. Europe, safe, decent healthcare, banking, security etc. I thought you were going to say hitchhiking in the Himalayas. He's going on holiday. That's all. To touristy places. Other than insisting he has travel insurance and plenty of money (Scandinavia is £££££) wish him all the fun in the world. And breathe a sigh of relief your anxiety hasn't held him back.

welshpolarbear · 10/03/2025 10:57

I went travelling alone and found that people travelling alone made way more friends than those in pairs or groups. Individuals would tend to pair up for short parts of journeys etc.

Doing some shorted backpacker trips for some of the trip would allow him to make friends and get his bearings but not be tied to anyone.

User5274959 · 10/03/2025 10:57

Those saying he's an adult and it's his choice - yes but OP is considering financing it so that changes things.

I'm sure he'd be fine but if he's not travelled before then perhaps an organised thing would be good first. Or working and saving for it? Funding his unstructured travels won't teach him financial responsibility.

Lots of companies offering volunteering abroad schemes, maybe one of those?

titchy · 10/03/2025 10:58

It’s a big world to be out in all alone

No it's bloody not. He's planning to be a tourist in the same bloody continent as he lives. Seriously stop.

Iknowaboutpopular · 10/03/2025 10:58

I wouldn't impose restrictions because you'll only be stifling him further than you already have I'm afraid.
If you're prepared to gift him this experience then it's his choice where he wants to go.
You don't give a gift with limitations.
But do advise him, help him research.

Octavia64 · 10/03/2025 10:59

Scandinavia and Rome are first world countries and safe.

Don't put any restrictions on it.

Many people his age do a gap year and travel the world alone. Sounds like he has been quite restricted - let him spread his wings.

User5274959 · 10/03/2025 11:00

If it were me handing my money over I'd want to know what the plan was - how long for etc. If he can make a plan and discuss it with you then that's all good

frockandcrocs · 10/03/2025 11:01

Tell him to get a job and fund it himself. He'll hopefully gain some life experience and confidence while working that will help with the travel.

Sunat45degrees · 10/03/2025 11:02

When is he planning this travel and for how long? Does he really not have any friends he could go with?

I'd be recommending that he start with a long weekend. Eg, perhaps he books a trip to Rome in the next month or two. Think ina dvance about what he wants to do (roughly) and where would be good to stay etc. You can both use that as an opportunity to practice the planning necessary. Then off he goes to Rome for his weekend, and he'll learn afew things long the way, then back home. Then he's got some lessons and he can decide what to do for his Scandanavian trip.

If he wants to travel for longer alone, I would recommend ideally at least booking in some activities etc as it can get lonely. I don't know much about Scandanavia but i imagine if he was going in Spring/summer, he could probably book himself onto some kind of sailing or boat-related group activity. Or some other outdoor activity he enjoys. Not for the entire time, but as an anchor for his trip, possibly as an opportunity to meet people - to make friends or even just to benefit from the knowledge and thoughts of other travellers.

CrazylazyJane · 10/03/2025 11:03

Let him go. He's 18 and wanting to explore the world. I travelled at 18 and it was the absolute making of me.

As you're financing him you have the right to know what exactly his plans are out of courtesy to you but I would pat him on the back and applaud his spirit of adventure.

Kbroughton · 10/03/2025 11:05

instead of going it alone, could he do it via a charity - where he goes with a group of people. I did a Kibbutz in Israel when I was 19 (obviously that is out of the question now! but there will be other things) and I loved it. i did it specifically because I was a lone female and didnt want to be. So I did get to see a part of the world but in a safer way.

helpfulperson · 10/03/2025 11:06

I wouldn't make firm plans for too long ahead or book things. Part of the joy of this type of travel is to with the flow. If he has never been abroad before I would suggest planning three weeks in a couple of countries. Italy and France gives a good range. Then towards the end he can plan the next couple of weeks and maybe choose to come home for a few days. If it's all planned and booked and he doesn't like it or doesn't like where he is and can't move on it may put him off travel for life.

Penguinmouse · 10/03/2025 11:07

He’s an adult so you don’t really get a say. If you don’t want him to go, don’t give him the money but he might just save up and go anyway.

If you are worried, the best way to manage that anxiety will be to support him - you could get out a map and plan a route together, help him look into interrail passes etc.

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