18 year old solo traveler. Would you allow this?

[Pippyls67]

My Ds wants to travel. I’ve never traveled with him. Budget constraints and I’m a very nervous person who has chronic depression and avoids new things . All rather sad for him but I’m glad to say he wants to break out and do it anyway. I have some money saved now and can afford to finance him. AI B U tho to let him go alone. He doesn’t have friends who want to travel at all. Would you say yes or do you think I should insist he goes on an organised young persons type thing instead. I don’t know if any at all though. Does anyone out there have any suggestions? He wants to see and experience things as he’s been terribly sheltered and constrained by me I’m ashamed to say. I’m proud and pleased he wants to grow in confidence himself and live a lot more. What do people think? Any and all advice and suggestions welcome. He loves the idea of Scandinavian countries and also really wants to go to Rome.

Would he consider group trips at first?

I thought I would rather eat my own arm than join a group trip, but I did one with the kids a couple of years ago, and actually, it was handy having all the transport and itinerary sorted for me, a lot less stress.

@Onlycoffee It's not controlling if you set the rules from the beginning. Eh i'm happy to pay for X,y, z destination and activities but not this or this etc. It's not unreasonable to expect an 18 year old to respect that. If they don't like it they can early their own money.
Entirely different if money is given without any pre agreed restrictions and then it's held against him whilst he's out there. That's controlling. Being given money is always transactional. Even if you're given money as a child, it's a transaction, parents expect at the very least that you behave or spend it on the agreed items and not for eg a tattoo or drugs. Mutual respect is important and giving your kids money without any expectations for responsibility is seriously failing them.

He'll have a great time. One thing - I'd advise against Scandinavia as it is cripplingly expensive. Maybe South East Asia instead? There are a lot of backpackers about and he'll make friends in no time if he stays at a hostel.

Sorry just realised I asked about what countries and it's there in your op.

Rome and Scandinavian countries sound perfectly normal and safe, it's not like he's said Albania or the other side of the world (which arem't necessarily unsafe, just further away which could feel more anxiety inducing.)

My dd said she feels more unsafe in London than most European cities.

If he's 18 and paying for it, you have no say.

He sounds really sensible and lovely. Has he looked into camp America? He can contact camps directly, it's much cheaper that way

I went travelling around Asia on my own at 18 - Thailand, Vietnam, Laos, Cambodia...

No mobile phone, no internet, I'm 5.1", female... had the best time.

Let him do whatever he wants. Don't put restrictions on his freedom.

My dd2 did this - gap year between A levels and uni. Worked for 6 months, saved, went travelling for a few months.

Has he travelled round this country before? Is he adept at managing public transport?
Has he got a passport?

Could he firstly do a (long) weekend away to see if solo travel is something he enjoys? Flights to Barcelona, or Venice for example can be ridiculously cheap - leave on a Friday and return Sunday evening for £60 return. Then a cheapish hotel in city centre means he can have a day or two exploring, before flying back. Have a play on skyscanner (put in random dates and search "Everywhere" and see what options come up)

I personally love exploring solo, - the only thing i dislike about it is going to restaurants by myself so instead i tend to grab a sandwich or something to eat in a park.

Just make sure he has travel insurance (easy enough to get online), a valid passport, bank card and phone charger.

Just going for a weekend initially will prove to himself that he can do it, and will help him learn about planning a trip (pre booking museums to avoid queues, how to navigate airports/train stations, making his own itinerary, etc).

Scandinavia and Rome??? From the level of unease in your OP I thought he was proposing cycling the length of Africa or something.

To me, it’s mad that an eighteen year old would be financed by his parents when he’s be3n able to have a job for years, but that’s not what you asked. I think you need to stop your anxiety constraining his life, that you should just wave him off, and that you should focus on getting help for your anxiety. It’s no way to live.

Absolutely let him. Travelling is such an incredible experience and it’s brilliant he feels confident enough to travel if it’s not something you’ve ever really done with him. I would say that Scandinavian countries can be very expensive so his money might not go very far there. Central America and Asia he’d get to travel a lot more on less money. I left home at 18 to work abroad and travel and continued to do so until the age of 30 (with frequent visits home and family visiting me on trips). It’s the best thing! There’s such an incredible world out there!

Edinburgh is a great idea in summer - he'd meet people from all over the world if he stayed in a hostel and there are loads of hospitality jobs he could do part time to make it a working holiday. One of mine did the hostel + bar work one summer and had a ball. Another one worked in a cafe and a High Street shop after A levels until she'd saved enough to go travelling in her gap year before Uni. The following summer she worked full time in the shop again to fund her first car.

I wouldn't force him on a group travel type thing if he doesn't want to go, they would be my idea of hell and I've travelled alone a lot. If he likes the idea of one though then why not get him to check some out?

Scandinavia is very expensive, so something he needs to be aware of. In Rome he should be aware of pick pockets - not something to overly stress about, they tend to just shrug, laugh and move on if you catch them at it, but just be aware so he keeps his belongings safe.

Staying is hostels is a great way to stay in places cheaply and meet people, sometimes they organise local trips out as well. Trains in Italy are really good and cheap if you book in advance, a rail trip down through Italy would be a great trip, he could visit Milan/Verona/Venice/Florence/Pisa/Sienna/Rome/Naples/Sorrento/Amalfi coast and then get the train from Salerno all the way down to Sicily if he wanted - it even crosses the water. Italy is just a dream of a country, so many beautiful sites and fantastic food. I would go there over Scandinavia any day of the week personally.

19yo DD is of an anxious disposition but even she is excited to go from Italy to London for a week by herself. She’s been with me before and she’ll have no language problems.
We’ve paid for and booked as much as possible in advance (hostel, shuttle to/from the airport, tickets to events) and she has a physical debit card as well as the app on her phone. Passport will be either in her body purse or in the hostel safe.

I think a European destination is a great way for them to spread their wings.

I second the suggestion of Exodus. They are very, very expensive though.

If he is interested in activities, then theskigathering.com organises travel groups for beginners where they’ll stay together and learnt to ski together. I know someone who did similar and has stayed friends with the people she met for years - they go skiing together every year and visit each other regularly.

Could he and his girlfriend go for a weekend away to Rome as a start so he can find his feet a bit with someone he knows? Does his college have some kind of online noticeboard where he could post looking for people to travel with?

If he's shy would he be happier on his own anyway? A group trio or some mini group trips (thinking an organised countryside tourbus - as it can be tricky to get to some nice rural places without a car) might be more fun than being alone but only if he regards being with a group of strangers as fun! Plus likely more drinking if he's with a bunch of similar aged people.

Interrailing is still good value and very flexible. He could do shorter European trips to build up confidence rather than 8 weeks away from home on his own. I always get a bit bored solo travelling as I'm not the type to go out alone in the evening or make friends easily.

Many European countries will have a lower crime rate than the UK!

Just remind him not to fall for anyone's sob story, a young relative of mine got relieved of all his money in East Asia by someone who vanished, because he has a kind heart and believed a sob story.

His parents had to bail him out.

Take a look at G Adventures organised tours. I did one around S E Asia and it was great not having to worry about sorting transport and accomodation. They also do trips for younger age groups I believe. They organise excursions to attractions and obviously a ready made group of fellow travellers to socialise with.

It's a big bad world out there and I don't think your son sounds mature enough to travel on his own. He still sounds like a boy. I also don't think you as his mother should be financing it. He needs to save up and do it himself. That will take a few years and hopefully by then he will have more confidence and maturity. I'd be scared to let him out there on his own.

DS has signed up with Angloville for this summer - three weeks in Poland. No pay, but accommodation and food covered, you just need to be a native speaker ot English as it involves residential camps speaking English to foreign learners.

He'll have an amazing time. Has he ever been to an airport?

You should look at something like Raleigh International or International Citizen Service which will provide structure and a built in community as well as an adventure. He’s never been abroad before?

I’d encourage him to find a group as it would be more fun and easier to navigate different countries/languages. Foreign countries can be quite lonely on your own, although if he’s staying in youth hostels there will be others around.

Where did he grow up? Is he used to big cities?

Allow him? Insist on what he does?

Unfortunately it doesnt work like that. My 19yr DS is going on his first holiday without us and all I could do was help with the plans, double check the safety, encourage to go safer places, book transfers in advance etc.

Its hard I know, i feel for you.