18 year old solo traveler. Would you allow this?

[Pippyls67]

My Ds wants to travel. I’ve never traveled with him. Budget constraints and I’m a very nervous person who has chronic depression and avoids new things . All rather sad for him but I’m glad to say he wants to break out and do it anyway. I have some money saved now and can afford to finance him. AI B U tho to let him go alone. He doesn’t have friends who want to travel at all. Would you say yes or do you think I should insist he goes on an organised young persons type thing instead. I don’t know if any at all though. Does anyone out there have any suggestions? He wants to see and experience things as he’s been terribly sheltered and constrained by me I’m ashamed to say. I’m proud and pleased he wants to grow in confidence himself and live a lot more. What do people think? Any and all advice and suggestions welcome. He loves the idea of Scandinavian countries and also really wants to go to Rome.

If he wants to go alone, then let him go alone.

But, as pp, suggested, some scaffolding would be good. Long weekend in Rome to try out solo traveling, then maybe later in the summer a few weeks in Scandinavia if that's what he wants. Scandinavia is less of a typical backpacker destinations, so there might not be as many other backpackers to meet, but the ones he will meet are probably less likely to be the 24/7 party types, which might suit him well.

I think it's fantastic that he wants to travel and see a bit of the world. Help him make a plan and book hostels, make sure he's got good insurance and keeps in touch. Scandinavian countries and Rome are a good start, safe and easy to get home if need be. Lots of hostels have forums where he can chat and meet other youngsters travelling and find out about events and excursions for when he's there. It's a great opportunity for him to spread his wings!

Having read your update, I am going to reiterate - I think this will be a useful and interesting learning experience for him. I think a shorter trip to test the waters first is a good idea though. Just like I let DS take the train one stop down to a friend, then he took a slightly longer route to get to his activity and this summer, i supsect he and his buddies will be going into London. It's about building up experience.

A few other things:

Depending on where he is going, look into rail passes. I don't know about in Scandanavia but certainly in Europe (by country or even across borders) a pre-booked rail pass is a brilliant option and purchased in advance means you don't have to worry about him struggling to get places or spending too much because he's got on the wrong train. Many countries in Europe do deals as well at certain times so, for example, if he wants to start with italy, he can research that.

Book himself into youth hostels - they're often very central, reasonably priced and a great way to meet other young people. I would be shocked if there isn't also handy apps out there that shows local hostels as he's out and about!

Scandinavia and Rome (although he should see more of Italy too) would be easy places to go to but depending on what he does / his interests he could still get a lot out of it. Learning the language (especially for Italy) would be beneficial, longer stay better than just a weekend but if he has never even been abroad no problem with starting with just a weekend trip.

Scandinavia is a vast place with many possibilities — does he want to try winter sports, just visit cities, do something more intrepid (and potentially dangerous) like track polar bears?

I already said in another comment, that if the OP is prepared to gift this experience to her son, having admitted she's held him back and sheltered him for so long, then giving a gift with limitations will only stifle him further. And it risks hurting their relationship. She should rightly advise him and help him to research but otherwise as an adult, who really needs to spread his own wings, she shouldn't try to control.

How sheltered are we talking? Has he never been on a plane or to a different country at all before?

If so I agree they maybe booking one country, there and back, would be the best thing as a trial run. Then a longer trip.

However it is a lot easier to travel now than even 10 years ago. Google maps means you'll hardly ever get lost, phones can translate everything, I've been to both Denmark and rome in the last 6 months and everywhere was card payments so you don't even have to worry about converting currency. Even train and plane tickets there's no need to print or pick up anything, its all on your phone.

For this reason I'd make sure he takes either a spare old phone or at least another device capable of using wifi (tablet etc - good for watching tv and reading while travelling anyway) - because otherwise as a single traveller its a nightmare if your phone gets stolen!

Bear in mind rome will be HEAVING and boiling in the middle of summer so if he does want to go maybe go there first (as soon as he finished exams)?

She's paying. She can insist on anything she likes.

let him go! and if you are able to contribute even better. What a fantastic opportunity - to see, to learn, to build up awareness. Maybe he'll be mugged or pickpocketed but even then that's ok - that can happen on our streets too.
I travelled throughout Asia, as a female traveller and often alone and had a wonderful experience. If you stay in hostels you meet loads of people along the way

He's an adult, if he feels confident enough and is sensible then I don't see the issue. Particularly based on the countries he's interested in.
I went travelling in my early 20s but not on my own because I'm not very good at making friends and thought I'd be lonely having no one to share the experience with. Logistically I would have been fine though in terms of planning, financing, navigating.

Oh I think it's fab that despite your limitations (understandably, I'm not criticising), he has the confidence to do this alone. Brilliant.

Christ some of these replies are unnecessarily nasty.

I think it's great that you want to encourage your son to spread his wings, despite your own anxieties.

It is absolutely fine for you to support him going alone if that is what he wants to do. You won't be being a negligent parent (I think this is what you are worrying about? Whether it is a normal thing to do at 18?).

I think a PPs suggestion of a short trip as a trial run is a great idea.

He’s 18, he can and should go!
I do think YABU funding him though. Nothing wrong with saying you’ll pay for a flight home if needed, but these kids have got to learn how to stand on their own two feet.

At his age I couldn’t think of anything worse than organised group travel. He will make friends, I know I did. Sometimes I traveled in a group (of my choosing) and sometimes I went my own way. I understand your worry but you trying to control things is what he’s trying to get away from. What you can ask of him is to keep in regular contact and in return you will do your best not to let your anxiety cloud his first foray into independence.

It's not up to you to allow it anymore, only whether or not you fund it.

If you're able to fund it and your DS is already feeling sheltered as you say, refusing on the grounds that you're nervous about him going on his own is only going to build more resentment towards you.

Why does he not have his own money at 18? I'd saved up to fund a month in Ibiza post A-Levels. My parents had no issues with me going, but they wouldn't have been able to stop me if they did.

What will you do if he gets a job, saves all his money for 6 months and goes anyway? Let him have fun while he's young.

At 18, you don't get to "allow" it - he doesn't need permission.
He wants to go to safe and easy countries, I genuinely don't see the problem.
I hope he has a lovely time (he will!).

You can't stop him but I can understand your concern.

There are holiday companies that do trips for young people but if that's too structured for him there are Facebook pages for solo travellers (and if he's staying in hostels he will meet other young people who he may travel on with or just hang out with for a few days).

Good point re money - we recently had some young adult family members visiting from another country and I was quite surprised that they turne dup wiht cash!

He needs to get himself something like a Revolut card and then on his phone he can create accounts with different currencies - it's a very inexpensive way to spend money on a card in other countries and provides a lot of transparency on exactly how much it is costing him. I think this would be particularly helpful if he's not used to travelling in other coutnries or using other currencies.

I think some people are being unnecessarily harsh. The OP acknowledges that this is her fault and is trying to do her best now.

I think if he’s quite shy and introvert an organised trip would be ideal, he’d have a group of people to mix with, share experiences with and just get along with. If for example he goes to Rome himself then there’s a risk he could just end up sitting in a cafe/bar/hostel himself which is kinda not the point of the trip:

could you go to Rome with him? Push yourself out of your comfort zone? Make a memory

My daughter did this at a similar age. She wanted to visit 2nd WW sites and museums and none of her friends were interested so she went alone for three weeks. She interailed and mostly stayed in hostels. It was so good for her - most of the time things went smoothly and the couple of hitches were easily sorted out with access to the internet to rebook things and the help of google translate.

However IDK she was particularly sheltered, if he is that might make a difference. DD was used to travelling London, the wider UK and Ireland on her own or with friends. But on balance, I think if he wants to do it you should let him, don't hold him back.

I think since op is funding the travel (or not) - she does get a say as she can just withhold the cash. I would not be inclined to pay for something if I thought it risked my child’s safety - adult or not.

Oh blimey, I didn't read the full thread and thought you meant backpacking in India or something! He will be absolutely fine - encourage him!

Buy him an interrail pass; they come in various different forms but give the traveller flexibility, so even if he runs out of money he'll have the wherewithal to get home...

His travel will be restricted to European countries, so not too challenging, and he can book into hostels as he travels, where he'll meet other young travellers.

It will really develop his self-reliance and independence while not leaving him half way across the world and out of reach

Definitely let him go, but have him organise his trip and have a specific amount of money needed and if possible encourage him to have goals eg see the coloseum, hike a glacier, maintain an travel blog (or whatever the kids are doing these days) etc. Give him just enough, but make sure you have enough to fly out in an emergency. Make sure there’s a way to send him money if needed.

Hope that helps your anxiety and his experience!

As OP is paying she gets a big say.

When he pays his own way she gets no say.

I'll probably get flamed for this but here goes!

He's shy and inexperienced for starters so I'd be saying that he needs to get a summer job here and save up to go travelling at a later time. Part of being sheltered is not mixing with a wide variety of people or fully understanding the financial responsibilities of adulthood. If he gets a full time job in a factory, pub or shop, he'll rub up against all sorts of people and also realise how hard you have to work to earn £10 an hour.

If you want to help him financially, you could offer to match-fund him until he has enough for a short trip somewhere.