18 year old solo traveler. Would you allow this?

[Pippyls67]

My Ds wants to travel. I’ve never traveled with him. Budget constraints and I’m a very nervous person who has chronic depression and avoids new things . All rather sad for him but I’m glad to say he wants to break out and do it anyway. I have some money saved now and can afford to finance him. AI B U tho to let him go alone. He doesn’t have friends who want to travel at all. Would you say yes or do you think I should insist he goes on an organised young persons type thing instead. I don’t know if any at all though. Does anyone out there have any suggestions? He wants to see and experience things as he’s been terribly sheltered and constrained by me I’m ashamed to say. I’m proud and pleased he wants to grow in confidence himself and live a lot more. What do people think? Any and all advice and suggestions welcome. He loves the idea of Scandinavian countries and also really wants to go to Rome.

I hope he has a brilliant time.

And I hope it inspires you and heartens you, OP. It's a lovely thing that you're doing for him. Please don't do yourself down; we do what we are able to do at the time and you're helping him to spread his wings now. You can provide him with the funds and perhaps a bit of advice, but to be honest the value will be in him working this stuff out for himself.

Western Union, consulates, are useful things to have in mind for an emergency, but I'm sure he'll be fine.

Someone said 'think if he’s quite shy and introvert an organised trip would be ideal'.

Im in my sixties and am quite shy and introverted. The thought of an organised trip in the company of strangers for days on end fills me with dread. I recently turned down the offer of an absolute bargain price cruise round the South Pacific because the ship only had 100 passengers.

When I travel I like to be anonymous in a huge crowd, able to make my own choices and decisions not tied to someone else's schedule.

Yes. Travelling at your own pace in your own company is fantastic for introverts. They don't need organised group activities.

Get the best travel insurance you can and if you're paying he needs to understand you call the shots. I wouldn't agree to pay for everything though, he needs to put some effort into it. He will be much more responsible if he's had to earn some of it.

We have travelled all over the world and personally think Rome is not a good first time destination due to pick pockets being more prolific. I went on one of those continkii tours for young adults with something like visiting 14 countries in 18 days and it was Rome and Madrid they drummed into us to be more careful.

start of small - send him to bath for the weekend to see the Roman baths etc - see how he feels travelling on his own.

Exactly. An organised tour is probably the worst thing that he could do!

Sitting by yourself in a cafe is not the end of the world!

Although I do love the idea of OP going along too. 🙂

My dd travelled solo when she was 21, she was much more vulnerable as a female than a male.
What countries is he thinking of?

He will most likely meet people and make friends if he stays in hostels in capital cities.

The only request I made to my dd was that she replied with at least an emoji within the day if I texted her, as I didn't want to go to sleep not having bad a reply.

I only texted her every few days for my own sanity, but then she ended up having a few issues and was ringing me for help and support anyway.

Tbh it didn't feel much different to when my all my dcs moved away to cities in the UK for university. It's part of life.

I agree. I like to have the odd organised thing in a situation like this - because I am actually quite good at chatting with random strangers etc - but then head off to my own accomodation or to do my own thing later. I'd HATE a fully planned organised trip.

And I agree, even if he does spent the vast bulk of it sitting in a plaza in the center of rome drinking overpriced coffees - it's still an experience foro him and one that, from all accounts, he's not had before.

Have a look at ‘intrepid’ or ‘g adventures’ - small group travel with a guide. Very much still ‘travelling’ but with an experienced guide and a small group of people. - a quick scout throws up this for example https://www.intrepidtravel.com/uk/italy/rome-amalfi-160213

I’ve been to India and Guatemala with that company - great groups, well led - and they’re really on it with letting you know what you need in advance (advise about equipment / insurance etc)

let him go, but encourage him to scaffold his first trips as much as possible while he finds his feet in the world.

The world is full of young travellers OP. Youth hostels are great- when I travelled alone I couldn’t get a minute to myself in the hostels. He’ll meet people straight away and won’t be travelling alone for long (unless he wants to). He just needs to do a little research as to where the other young travellers congregate. And use common sense etc about the people he trusts/ makes friends with ie stick with people his own age. Letting him go and spread his wings is the greatest education and gift you could ever give him. I think if you’re anxious then stipulating that he contacts you every day is a reasonable request. Of course you don’t have to pay for anything, but I firmly believe that gifts should not come with restrictive conditions.

Lots of my DC's friends did this (although they funded their own trips). I think it's fine.

One suggestion might be for you to meet him at one point of his travels e.g. have a few days in Rome with him. That will enable you to see he is doing ok, and hopefully help you to break out of your comfort zone too.

My ds started on his passion for travel at this age and went interrailing round Europe with a friend. He said afterwards that next time he would go alone as the two of them didn't get on quite as well as they thought they would and actually his friend expected him to do all the arranging and speaking up when they went anywhere, which started to be a pain. Friend also moped around wanting to talk to his girlfriend back home all the time. Ds went by himself after that and has travelled all over the world now, and his confidence has just built so much because of doing that - he has met people from all countries and has so much experience of the world now. I'd say as long as your ds books the first few places to stay so you know where he is to start with and then checks in with you when he can, lets you know when he will be out of contact sometimes so you don't worry - you'll be fine.

Ds also found, once he had travelled further, it's been a great thing to put on his cv or tell people at interview and it's often been a great bonding thing with new people. When he met his current partner, that was one of the big things they had in common, they had both travelled solo a lot, and they are always planning new trips now.

Lots of 18-year-olds travel alone. My friend's son and daughter both travelled around Europe solo at that age - they went interrailing I think. There is absolutely no reason why an 18-year-old would find it at all difficult to travel in Europe.

One of my own friends went travelling in India alone at 18 and another travelled alone at that age in Nepal.

I think a volunteering type trip or maybe WWOOFing?

Semi organised with room for manoeuvre. And I always think have a 'job to do' really helps with shyness.

Good luck to him x

https://wwoof.net/

Just because op is paying it doesn't mean she calls the shots, that's very transactional and controlling.

The risk is that ds will understandably want to call his own shots and self fund, and less money means fewer safe choices. Eg Ealing an unknown neighborhood at night instead of getting an Uber etc

When my dd travelled I did send her extra money at times to ensure she could always make safe choices such as an uber/bolt/ taxi, a hostel in a better area etc

It's not Europe but I can highly recommend the Think Pacific organised trips to Fiji - I went at 19 and the group were all solo travellers aged 18-22. A few went home after, a few continued their travels separately or together but everyone was just starting out.
It was thoroughly organised, very safe with food etc included. It is a mix of a charitable project with some relaxation at the start and end I loved it. I think they also do Bali now. Worth looking in to!

https://thinkpacific.com/

Good for him. I would be fine with my DS going to these countries alone (similar age). My only concern would be whether he would have more fun in a group, in which case I'd consider this company https://www.exodus.co.uk/- I've travelled with them before and there was a range of ages (although obviously he'll be one of the youngest at 18). Hope he has a great trip! Well done to you also for encouraging this.

How very transactional

Completely agree with this. If he hasn't already had a summer job, I would consider this a much more valuable source of learning, life experience (and money!) than any 'travel' or what we used to call going on holidays. I think the idea of matching what he puts aside for a holiday at the end rather than wholesale paying for it is also an excellent idea.

He's 18, not 88

If he just wants to go to Rome or the Scandinavian countries then at 18 that is completely fine. He would have more fun with friends but he will also meet people along the way by himself if he’s an open person. I went at 18 with a couple of friends round Italy but travelled back by myself, and when to Peru and Ecuador at 19 (in a more organised trip but still at times by myself). At 22 I went round the world completely by myself including places like India and Cambodia. All this was without a mobile phone.

I moved to UK all alone at 18. Almost with no cash.
He will be fine and will learn a lot.

I read your OP and knew it would attract harsh replies. By laying it out as all your "fault" you've become an easy target. Don't take it to heart - it sounds like you are your own harshest critic and don't need anyone else putting the boot in.

Depending what he's done before I would start even smaller. @Shetlands idea of getting a job first is excellent, if he has not worked before. Also would he consider starting with the UK? Eg Edinburgh has a lot of hostels for young travellers. He could go up there for a bit, there's loads to do, see if he manages to make friends etc or whether it is all a bit much, and plan next steps from there with a much better sense of what might suit him.

I would let him go yes. Those countries are generally very safe.

If you'd said somewhere notorious for elaborate scams I'd have said no as a first solo travel experience.

I've travelled solo in Europe, Middle East and Australia and found it true that solo travellers make more friends.