Need some perspective so apologies in advance if this is long winded!
For background, myself and my partner live overseas (>24hrs travel from UK). We've been together over 15 years and have an infant.
My sister is getting married later this year and has planned a massive wedding (think >100 at her meal), we will be travelling to attend this as a family, and we all can't wait.
My partner and I have travelled to the same place every year around July/August for a holiday since moving here and last year talked about an elopement when we were on our babymoon there however due to my health at the time I wasn't sure I'd be able to fly and so we postponed plans til post baby. We never shared this with anyone (ie how an elopement works).
Fast forward to this year and we have our first trip booked as a family of three and began discussing the idea of elopement again. We've reached out to a couple of companies for a quote for a very small affair - literally just as and 2 witnesses. Total cost will be less than the flights home for my sisters wedding.
Earlier in the week I decided to speak to her about it - mostly out of excitement as she will be the only person we tell in advance.. we are both very close despite the physical miles between us and she was the first person I shared my pregnancy news with. Her response was the complete opposite of what I was expecting. She was really upset and asked us not to do it and to wait until after they get married later in the year, to "let them have their day". There is about 2 months between our trip and their wedding. She also mentioned she was upset that we announced our pregnancy to family the same week her daughter was born and so now feels I'm just trying to overshadow them again.
With regards to baby announcement, we'd already told my in laws and my parents were about to go on holiday so the timing wasn't great but we felt a bit stuck. My parents were also going to be away with friends and we thought it was important our immediate family knew before anyone else. She'd never spoken to me about this before but I do acknowledge her feelings about this, and appreciate that she could be upset by the timing.
We've already booked and paid for this trip - which to be honest we'd be doing anyway, and are hoping to try for another baby after her wedding. I'm mid 30s so time is not my friend! I've spoken to my partner and he thinks it's absolutely nothing to do with anyone else (this is part of the reason we've never done a big wedding - geography being another!). Neither of us are big on social media and have no plans for a big wide announcement of our nuptials to "one up" my sister or anything.
I'm really struggling with this - hoping for helpful advice on how to navigate...
IABU - I should postpone any wedding plans til after my sisters wedding (and potential baby 2) since we've waited this long anyway
IANBU - have our quiet day, sign the form and discreetly share with family after.