Is the mum cross at my Dd for asking for food, would you be?

[Idliketobeamillionaire]

Dd, 6, regularly plays with a neighbour friend most weekends, we know and like the family. Their son is often at our house for hours at a time and usually Dd then goes to theirs (for usually a bit less time) We’re very happy to have him as Dd is an only child, he’s a great boy, dd adores him and they have lots of fun. I often get snacks and drinks in for them at weekends and he’s had lunch/dinner occasionally, always happy to offer this if he’s hungry.
Dd often has a snack at theirs, usually a sandwich or toast. She’s on medication at the moment that increases hunger and asks for food a lot. I make sure she’s eaten just before she goes over, but she often comes back and tells me she’s had snacks there, which is fine if ok with the mum (she can be there for three hours on average)
Last week, she said she didn’t want to go to their house (normally begs to) and said it was because she asked for popcorn and the mum said no. I did say to her not to ask for food and wait until it’s offered or if she’s very hungry she can nip back to me (two doors down) I personally wouldn’t mind a child asking me if at my house though.
Today she came home upset and said her friend got shouted at by the mum and he went to his room and cried and she was worried she’d done something wrong. From what I could make of the situation, Dd asked him if she could please have some crisps, he said he’d get in trouble if he asked his mum and told dd to ask her. Dd went to ask the mum and apparently she said no and then called dds friend and told him off.
Does it sound like she is fed up with Dd asking, is Dd rude to ask?
I’m wondering if I should send her with a small bag with snacks in or maybe apologise to the mum and explain about her being on medication?
Feel a bit embarrassed about Dd asking for snacks, would it bother you? I wouldn’t mind, also embarrassed she might think I don’t feed Dd as she’s always hungry 😬

Wow OP you have had a hard time on this thread! Just to say that your arrangement with the kids popping over to play in each others' homes sounds great, I wish I had that! I don't think 6 is too young if you are watching them go.
I also don't think it's that unusual or rude for either kid to be asking for snacks. I always have snacks at the ready if someone comes to play, some ask, others don't (or wait for my kids to ask) but I wouldn't be annoyed or find it rude if they asked for more!
As long as the mum now knows about the medication and appetite change and if she is happy for you to send DD with snacks then hopefully it will all work ok from now.

This!!.

And she is also asking for specific snacks!. I don’t mind giving snacks! But I wouldn’t be too happy if one of their friends consistently asked, specially if its crisps/popcorn/sweets.

I know they are children, but I would be mortified if any of my kids asked for something like that every time they are in their friends house.

Dear Op your daughter sounds like she has wonderful friendship with her friend and the fact they can go freely to each others houses is lovely. Some of the replies are ridiculous! Maybe Speak to the other parent, explain the situation and decide what works best for the situation be it your daughter coming home for her snacks or her taking snacks for both her and her friend.

OP I think your set up with the neighbours and the children playing together and calling for each other is lovely. I had a similar set up with neighbours as a child and it was brilliant, I wish my son had the same too. I'm sure you'll get the food thing easily sorted.

This and explain the situation to the mother, perhaps she is on a tight budget.

You just don't sound like you actually TALK TO THE OTHER MUM very much and none of your answers really address that. Just. Talk. To. Your. Neighbour. Just explain, and get her view.

Is it just me that also finds the duration ("on average 3 hours) of playing at eachothers houses a bit excessive. Is this every day/every other day?

@periperimam She has. She has just said that she text her this morning. She has gave quite a few answers, people evidently don't bother to read responses......

Jaze you should be providing the additional snacks for your extra hungry child. She should be bringing them with her, not tormenting the other Mum for endless titbits.
That's demanding and entitled.

Don't be so ridiculous. Maybe more parents should teach their children some manners then there wouldn't be so many annoying children asking other adults for food. There are plenty of posters on here saying how annoying they find it if visiting children ask for food.
I know how children are, I'm a mother and grandmother and I know how to say no to children and to teach them how to behave properly when they are with other people. If a child is old enough to go alone to someone else's house they're old enough to be taught how to behave there. That includes saying please and thank you, saying thank you for having me, and knowing how to politely accept or refuse offers of food. It certainly includes knowing never to ask other children's parents for food.
That meant that I could always be confident my children could behave properly wherever they were.
A question for those that think it's perfectly fine for children to ask other parents to feed them: at what age do you consider it inappropriate for them to ask for food? Or do you think it's fine at any age at all? What would your reaction be if an adult came to your house, you gave them a cup of tea and a biscuit for example( it wasn't a meal time), but a bit later they said they were hungry and asked you to give them some food? I just can't imagine anyone I've ever known doing that.
The thing about manners and standards of behaviour is that it's so much easier to teach children from very young, then it's never an issue, whereas it's hard to change bad habits that are already engrained. But then there are a lot of rude ill-mannered adults around who presumably have never been taught how to behave.

God I wouldn’t think anything of a kid asking for snacks at my house. I’d make sure I had stuff in and even if I didn’t want to just give them junk I’d make sure there was plenty of stuff for both my child and their friend to help themselves to. It’s odd to me that the mum has been rude to/weird with your daughter and her own child rather than just speaking to you if shes really that bothered about it.

It sounds like she’s asking for snacks because they are are junk food and things she doesn’t get at home.

If she is on medication that makes her hungry you need to give her snacks like carrot sticks, cucumber or apples, not unlimited junk food. Otherwise she will get into the habit of snacking and it won’t stop when she comes off her meds and she will end up putting on weight and struggle to shift it. I had a family member who had a similar issue and their medical team advised that.

I’d give her healthy snacks to take and explain in front of the children, she is on medication which increases her appetite and she is only allowed to eat what you give (portion control) but you’ve put in extra so she can share with friend. It might work or she might chance her luck.

I have a little girl age 7 comes an plays with my dd if my dd has a snack I give her one, but then the habit started of her constantly asking for drinks snacks etc I began saying no and saying she will have to nip home for a snack but can come back afterwards funnily enough she doesn't ask now.

Just weekends

But only one person mentioned what they thought happened in this situation
Do we think the mum shouted at and told off his Ds because she thought he’d sent my Dd in to ask her for crisps?

It's not weird. What a strange take on it

There could be a number of reasons for her to be hacked off. But the OP's DD shouldn't be asking for food

I find some answers here very odd and wonder if this is a cultural thing or a socioeconomic thing.

If a child came to visit my house I'd be offering snacks anyway, and things would be on offer in the kitchen anytime. I'd not be upset at all, on the contrary if the mum sent snacks I'd be offended. Not talking about a gift like a cake but a lunchbox. I'm from a Mediterranean country and offering food is the norm and sharing food the joy of having visitors, even if you're poor. Especially a kid... This is the kind of thing I go into culture shock after decades of being here...

the only exception I can think of is some really extreme situation like when the child is stuffing herself endlessly with unhealthy things. In that case I'd offer fruit or think there's something wrong like she's starved at home or is having health issues. Then I'd question the mum, not get upset at the child.

I think its weird to have people over and not feed them

I'd always make sure I had some snacks or food in, in such a situation

Maybe they can't afford to though, but I'd definitely just say something, rather than making the kids so uncomfortable

@Carezzamia I’m from a West Indian background (born and raised here) and I agree entirely.

But she had been given food - toast and strawberries. And then later wanted more.

I think you are reading too much into this. It doesn’t seem like the mum is unhappy about providing snacks, just that she has said no to giving your child unhealthy snacks. I wouldn’t give someone else’s child popcorn or crisps without checking with their parents first. Just have a chat with the mum 🤷🏻‍♀️.

You did such a beautiful job of (unintentionally) proving the PP’s point! 🙈.

Personally, if one of my adult friends came to my house and was hungry I would fully expect them to ask for food and I would gladly feed them. I guess I must be one of those lawless people with absolutely no manners 🤔.

Seems like an obvious consequence of her not following your instructions. Hopefully your DD has learnt something that will help her in life.

This. With bells on.

Methinks the apple doth not fall far from...

There seems a mix bag of responses but I personally would be mortified if my children were asking incessantly for snacks. I would always encourage them to wait to be offered or to come home if hungry, or send them over with snacks to share.