Finally snapped at Boyfriend’s crude comments

[PeachTea9]

I’m at my wits end with my boyfriend and need to vent!

For context, I’m 31 and he’s slightly younger at 28 and we’ve been together for just under a year.

He has started making increasingly crude comments and I am now getting the silent treatment for telling him to shut it and grow up earlier.

These only began a couple of months ago and started off fairly innocently by being a bit more ‘direct’ with compliments towards me which I didn’t mind to begin with.

This has now progressed to making comments publicly about people we either see out and about or people we know.

Examples:

-‘doesn’t she squash him when they have sex’ (a slightly larger lady compared to her partner - these are friends of mine)

-You could crack an egg with that (a woman we drove past walking home from the gym wearing flattering leggings)

-‘He must be hung like a horse as he’s a bit bloody dull isn’t he’ (after meeting a friend and her BF for the first time)

And the final straw which made me snap today, we drove past a lady on a horse and he said ‘I wouldn’t mind her riding me like that’ and I flipped.

I should have said something previously in hindsight as my anger was building up.

He said I need to lighten up and not be so prudish but for me, this has crossed a line. I said I’m a grown woman and this sort of talk just gives me the ick.

Do you think I overreacted?

After many months of him being a model boyfriend. If this behaviour had occurred previously then clearly I’d not have introduced him.

The terrible grammar alone in that sentence would give me the ick.

I couldn't listen to his shite talk.
You deserve better.

Ok I wouldn't like that humour either, it's crass and immature but he was unaware of your feelings here. For all you know, his last girlfriend may have found it all hilarious. And it does mean he's relaxed around you.

Anyway, after an initial sulk he has apologised.

If he stops with the crap draw a line and forget about it.

If he continues just dump him. He's quite young, you're a mother, you don't need to be putting up with another child.

Fair enough. You didn’t know he was like this before you introduced him to her but you know now. So why are you now talking about giving him a chance to improve instead of getting rid? If you give him a second chance it will be a case of your words saying one thing but your actions saying the opposite - that, actually, you probably still would have introduced him to your child if you had known what he was really like.

I know ! I’ve met some arses in my time but none that would do this in front of me .
If they did it would be over there and then .
Total creeps !

Sorry you've had some nasty comments on here, OP. Mumsnetters can be so awful sometimes.

Were all of the comments when he couldn’t have sex?

Show your daughter that it’s not acceptable to be treated like this.

Him saying that he wanted the horse woman to ride him wouldn’t bother me and would be the least offensive out of all of the comments.

But I can’t stand when people feel the need to comment on other peoples body’s.
It’s childish and the person obviously has insecurities and issues that I couldn’t be bothered to deal with in a partner.

This won’t get any better and the fact that he blamed you being on your period is such a slap in the face!

Basically if he ever acts like a twat it’s your fault because you’re not giving him enough sex - nice.

Sure.
And now he has shown you that he is a pig.
Forget about him and trying to understand the way he is, that is not on you.
What is on you is that he is around your daughter, and he shouldn't be.
He's a pig.
He's not good enough to be around you or your child.
These things are very simple when you know what your priorities are.

He’s got comfortable with you and he’s showing you who he really is. Believe him and dump him. Fast.

Don't you think that's a bit north of insecure?

Not at all. DH in two decades together has never commented like that on another woman's appearance, and I've shown him the same courtesy.

He's a pig.

The more extreme ones this weekend were, and (again sorry if tmi), I ‘sorted‘ him out in other ways on Saturday which makes his message the more insulting.

He does not see women as people, he just sees them as objects and this includes the OP as he obviously thinks it is acceptable to come out with this puerile shit in front of her.

Well he sounds even more of a prince with every update. Crude, vulgar, juvenile, misogynistic and only interested in shooting his load.

Please dump this absolute wanker

🤮🤮🤮

Oh yuck.
He's not had sex for a while so he's OK to talk puerile shit? Poor diddums can't be expected to help it.
Is he not a bit old for blue balls excuses?

I'd be wary he's verging on saying it's partly your fault too. You and your periods made him do it.

Oh so his crude comments are your fault because you're on your period and he's not had enough sex - urghhh he gets worse

@PeachTea9 So, basically, unless your boyfriend is getting some, he feels he can act like a teenaged twat-waffle?

As the above posters have said, that he turned it back unto you is nothing but insulting. Not even man enough to own his shite.

Why not though? I would imagine that in the 20 years you've been together you have both noticed other attractive people. It might even be possible that one or both of you have thought about another person in a sexual context. Why is it against the 'relationship rules' to be honest about your inner life with the person you love and trust most in the world? Why is it courteous to lie by ommision? Isn't honestly more respectful? Wouldn't more truth lead to greater emotional intimacy?

Why not though? I would imagine that in the 20 years you've been together you have both noticed other attractive people. It might even be possible that one or both of you have thought about another person in a sexual context. Why is it against the 'relationship rules' to be honest about your inner life with the person you love and trust most in the world? Why is it courteous to lie by ommision? Isn't honestly more respectful? Wouldn't more truth lead to greater emotional intimacy

We all have our preferences in a relationship. I suppose it's only a problem if the two of you disagree. We don't have rules we've discussed, we've just never done the open commenting thing - I wouldn't like it, and knowing DH as I do, neither would he. It wouldn't feel very cherishing for us.
If something different works for you, great.

oh dear god has he got anything good going for him!??!

hes an arsehole. Forget the holiday = dump him!!!!

Bollocks

😂
Ah but do you jet wash those?